Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships. 

Elizabeth* (31) and Mary* (30) met at university in 2014 and became close friends. Over a decade later, Mary accused Elizabeth of secretly pursuing her boyfriend, straining the friendship they’d built over the years.

For Sunken Ships, Elizabeth opens up about how Mary’s accusation ruined their bond and how it has affected the way she sees friendships.

How did your friendship with Mary begin?

We were roommates at university in 2014. Mary resumed late and ended up as my bunkmate. We became close during our first year, then rented a place together off campus the following year. We lived together until we graduated.

What were the early days of your friendship like?

Beautiful. Mary reminded me of my older sister, whom I’m close to, and we got along so well. I loved how she wasn’t judgmental. I could tell her anything, and she’d listen without judging me, so I assumed she’d always feel comfortable doing the same with me.

By our final year, everyone in our neighbourhood and at school knew of our friendship. We went everywhere together when we weren’t in class. Our relationship continued even after university. We both got jobs in Lagos and remained close. We only ever disagreed about one thing.

What was that?

The men she dated. She’s lovely, but she always picks the worst men. They were rude and controlling, and some even cheated on her. At first, I tried to be cordial with them. But after a while, I decided to keep my distance. I couldn’t pretend to like them, and I always told Mary how I felt privately.

That’s why what happened with Tolu* upset me so much.

Who’s Tolu, and what happened?

He was one of Mary’s boyfriends. They started dating in 2024, and as usual, I disliked him. He was loud and constantly made crude jokes about women. After she introduced us, I told her I didn’t like him and thought she could do better. She said she loved him and that he was serious about her, so I stopped commenting on their relationship.

Then, in March 2026, Mary messaged me and said we needed to talk. When I called her, she hit me with the wildest accusation. 

She said she’d gone through Tolu’s phone and discovered he was cheating with someone using a burner Instagram account. When she confronted him, he claimed I was the person behind the account.

Wait, what?

I was confused and irritated. She had nothing linking me to the account. She was only going by what Tolu had told her, but that didn’t stop her from asking if it was true.

How did you respond?

I flared up immediately and asked her if she and her boyfriend had lost their minds. Mary and I have never had the same taste in men, so accusing me of secretly pursuing a man I openly disliked felt like a double insult.

I told her I wouldn’t take Tolu even if she gave him away for free, then hung up.  We haven’t spoken since then. 

Later, one of our mutual friends told me Mary and Tolu had made up and were still together. That hurt even more because it felt like she’d chosen a lying man she’d known for two years over a friend she’d known for over 10 years.

I suspect Tolu accused me because he knows I don’t like him and wanted to create distance between Mary and me. But I can’t prove it.

Has  Mary contacted you since you stopped talking to her?

No. She’s been posting on her socials as if nothing happened. I haven’t reached out either, although I’ve been tempted. It seems like she and Tolu are getting more serious and may even get married.

I miss her a lot, but every time I remember the accusation, I get angry all over again.

Do you think there’s room for reconciliation with Mary?

I don’t think so. Part of me wants her to break up with Tolu and choose someone better. But she accused me of betraying her based solely on the word of a man she’d known for two years. That cut deeply.

Even if she apologised, I don’t know if I could trust her enough to let her back into my life.

Has this affected the way you navigate friendships?

Yes. I’m now more careful about giving relationship advice to my friends. My experience with Mary taught me that people can choose their romantic partners over friendships they’ve had for years, even when those partners are clearly in the wrong.

Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!