5 Suffer-head Couples Nollywood Tried to Market as Cute

December 14, 2021

Nollywood has taught us to believe in the power of love. While most of the stories we’ve seen have convinced us that love conquers all, something about the couples on this list isn’t gelling like it should. Although they’ve been marketed as cute couples, we just can’t help but think they’re either annoying or deeply problematic.  

1. Telema and Soji from Tinsel 

Back when Tinsel was still the hottest thing on the streets, this couple had Nigerians in a chokehold with all of us fasting and praying for them to end up happy. Looking back at the show, everything was super chaotic and they should’ve broken up from the start. Not only did Telema (Damilola Adegibite) sleep with Soji’s (Gbenro Ajibade) nemesis after they both agreed to wait till their wedding night, she decided to tell him on their wedding day. Then again, Soji was always doing too much as the overprotective boyfriend, so we guess they were both moving mad. 

2. Dejare and Anjola from La Femme Anjola 

We’ve seen this story before; a young fresh-looking boy (Nonso Bassey) falls for a seductive older woman (Rita Dominic) who just happens to be his boss’ wife. This sounds like a typical day under the Lagos sun if you ask us. While their forbidden relationship looks cute from the start—he wants to save her from her unhappy life, shit gets very real faster than you can spell adultery. Guns and murder join the conversation which just makes us wonder; wouldn’t it have been better if these two just minded their business? 

3. Nchekube and Mr. Okonkwo from Two Together

We can’t believe this film was marketed as a romantic drama back in the day. For context, the teacher (Emeka Ike) flogs a secondary school student (Genevieve Nnaji) to the point of blinding her. Instead of facing the law or something, her parents force him to marry her and during their time in this forced union, they fall in love and she regains her sight. Major cringe. The entire plot is problematic as hell and we can’t believe there was a time this film was described as cute. Ewww. 

4. Didi and Raj from Namaste Wahala

While we’ve already reviewed this film here, we still can’t get over how uninteresting the love story between its leads is. Honestly, they should’ve just listened to their parents and broken up because why did they have to put us through that discount Kuch Kuch Huta Hai dance montage? Outside of the aesthetic of a Bollywood and Nollywood crossover, Didi (Ini Dinma-Okojie) and Raj (Ruslaan Mumtaz) gave us nothing at all. Although they weren’t toxic, watching this couple was like watching paint dry. Exhausting. 

5. Nnamdi and Kelly from Living in Bondage: Breaking Free

You know things won’t go well for a couple when the name of the film is Living in Bondage. It’s just common sense. Tapping into the occultic nature of old Nollywood, this film tells the story of Nnamdi (Swanky JKA) a young hustling Nigerian who’s ready to risk it all for a good time and truckload of hard cash. After eating most of the money the cult gives him, he refuses to bring the head of his hot girlfriend Kelly (Munachi Abi). This doesn’t sit right with his red cape-wearing cult group and everyone just chooses violence. The weird part, despite realising that her man almost used her head for asun, Kelly decides to stay with him. Girl, is everything okay at home? It’s time to break free, sis.

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