After making audiences wait 13 whole years, James Cameron has finally graced cinemas with his presence with the sequel to his 2009 hit, Avatar.
Avatar: The Way of Water picks up over a decade after the events of the first film as we head back to the alien planet of Pandora to catch up with Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), Neytiri (Zoe Saldana) and their children, Kiri, Neteyam, Lo’ak, Tuk and Spider.
While Avatar: The Way of Water was incredible to see, you can’t help but have some deep thoughts while watching it in glorious 3D.
The moment you realise the film is over three hours long
Why is anyone making a film over three hours long in the year of our lord 2023? Bollywood is the only industry granted this right, and even Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was shorter than Avatar: The Way of Water.
Time is money, James Cameron. Don’t try this again.
The moment you realise you really should’ve rewatched part one first
Yes, I made the same mistake of thinking I’d remember everything that happened in a film I saw only once, way back in 2009. I was wrong. While it’s possible to watch Avatar: The Way of Water without seeing the original blockbuster, having a refreshed memory of what happened on Pandora before makes the entire movie experience so much better. Trust me.
The moment you realise it’s about what it’s makers did to Nigerians
White men killing natives and mining their resources for selfish reasons — can somebody grab the mic and shout “colonisation”? While the first Avatar disguised itself as a film about environmentalism, a large part of Avatar: The Way of Water’s story actually focuses on colonialism. It’s hard to watch the film and not feel a certain way about the evil white men perpetrate daily. We see you, colonisers.
The moment you realise this isn’t the Avatar: The Last Airbender remake we’ve been praying for
I believe everyone who went in expecting to see a bald boy with an arrow on his head was grossly disappointed. Next time, watch the trailer or read about a movie before you buy tickets and end up confused.
The moment you realise Avatar: The Way of Water is just Wakanda Forever but with taller blue people
Blue people who can breathe underwater, colonisers trying to mine a sacred substance for capitalism and a tribe hidden from the rest of the world. Please, tell me it doesn’t sound a lot like the premise of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
The moment you realise Avatar: The Way of Water is just Titanic, but with blue people
Am I the only one who felt a weird sense of déja vu when the ship started to sink in Avatar: The Way of Water? That entire sequence, and the Sully family trying to escape, gave serious Jack and Rose vibes. Maybe I’m reading into it too much because it’s the same director, but oh well.
The moment you realise there’ll be a third Avatar film
It seems affliction will rise again next year with another possibly three-hour-long Avatar film. As a matter of fact, we still have three more Avatar movies on the way, so we’ll be visiting Pandora until the fifth one, scheduled to drop in December 2028.
The moment you realise unlike Marvel, Avatar doesn’t have an end credits scene
Did you sit through the end credits hoping another scene would pop up? Well, you’re not alone. I sat there like a fool, and honestly, I blame Marvel for spoiling us with end-credit scenes so much that we now expect them from every franchise.
The moment you realise Zoe Saldana has spent the whole of 2022 crying hot tears
After crying over her husband in From Scratch, Zoe Saldana painted herself blue and flew into the Avatar: The Way of Water world to continue wailing. When will my good sis catch a break? I’m worried.
The moment you realise maybe you don’t want kids anymore
The entire plot of Avatar: The Way of Water revolves around Jake and Neyteri’s quest to save their children from all the wahala they willingly strolled into. I couldn’t help but think of how much simpler our faves’ lives would’ve been if they had chosen to use birth control and avoid tiny blue alien babies.