Unemployment is a terrible thing. It’s ten times worse in Nigeria. Today, I remembered all the promises I made before getting my current job. After talking to some friends about it, I realized we are all living the same lives.

Here a few violent lies we have all told:

1) “This is my dream job.”

Truth: Help me, I don’t want to be poor.

2) “I can work long hours.”

Truth: I was only joking. It was just a joke.

3) “This is how much I earned at my previous job.”

Truth: I have inflated the peanut I was earning by 3 in the hopes that I can finally leave poverty behind. For good.

4) “I like additional responsibility.”

Truth: I can die if you give me more work.

5) “In 5 years time, I still see myself in this company.”

Truth: I am using this job to raise funds for Canada.

6) “I work well under pressure.”

Truth: If you stress me too much, I can die.

7) It’s not even about the money, it’s about passion.”

Truth: Yimu.

8) “I am looking for a challenge.”

Truth: I am super super lazy.

9) “I don’t mind the distance.”

Truth: Cries internally.

10) “I am ready to resume as soon as you need me.”

Truth: Can you just be paying me while I sit at home?