What if Nigeria Had New Year’s Resolutions for 2023?

January 6, 2023

Nigeria made a resolution to show us pepper last year, and it did. From inflation to Snapchat-filtered naira notes, you’d think it’s done enough. But, what if it has New Year’s resolutions for 2023 too? 

Be more wicked

The point is to improve every year. For Nigeria, this means dishing out even more shege.

Kick Buhari out

You’d think the eight years of shege Nigeria has seen would make it choose a better leader this time. But Nigeria has really poor taste in leaders, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

Spend money it doesn’t have

It’s a new year for Nigeria to live bougie while earning mechanic money. You’re asking Nigeria to live within its means? You must be a clown. Doesn’t matter that its yearly budget can’t survive without borrow-borrow. Nigeria must ball.

Stop fighting Ghana

Lowkey, Nigeria knows the rivalry should have ended at Jollof rice. Because why are we arguing with a boring copycat. It doesn’t matter now anyway. They’re both broke, and brokies don’t beef each other. More love, less ego.

Buy fuel

This one is a constant. It doesn’t matter that Nigeria has fuel at home. It will still hustle for fuel from other places and pay big money for it.

Stop taking Burna Boy’s insults

Maybe Nigeria would finally end this toxic relationship with Nigerian artists and ask them to do better. But we can only hope.

Win AFCON

Nigeria already missed the World Cup. Unless it wants to be an olodo by all means, it needs to win AFCON to avoid back-to-back embarrassment.

Start a reality TV show

Too much wild stuff happens in Nigeria’s everyday life for it to not be televised. It’s about time. You can tell “Keeping Up With Nigeria” will be an instant hit.


NEXT READ: 8 Signs You’ve Already Failed Your New Year’s Resolutions


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