Sex Life: Having Sex High Has Ruined Sober Sex For Me

December 7, 2019

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old heterosexual woman who recently discovered the joys of sex under the influence of marijuana, and now sober sex doesn’t cut it for her. 

When did you have your first sexual experience?

My first kiss was with a girl when I was about 12. In my head, I was “practising” for when I would eventually do it with a boy, which happened a few months later when I turned 13. 

Wait. A girl? Do you consider yourself straight?

I think I’m straight. I say “think” because sometimes I question myself, but I always end up with these niggas, so there’s that.

Fair. So, when did you have sex for the first time?

When I was 17. I was very curious because all my friends in secondary school had done it, and I didn’t like being left out of their conversations about sex.

In retrospect, I wish I hadn’t because it was just painful. I worked myself up so much that I actually had an asthma attack.

Woah! How did you gather the courage to try again after that?

It took me two and a half years to even touch another guy, but that was mostly because the asshole I lost my virginity to stopped speaking to me right after. 

That experience just turned me into a shadow of myself. I wasn’t interested in ever feeling like that again, so I just avoided men as a whole. The next time I had sex, I was “in love”, so I wanted to do it and it felt right.

When you say “right”, do you mean you actually enjoyed it this time?

Not really. I just wasn’t as panicked because we had planned it and kind of built up to it. I didn’t actually enjoy sex until I was about 21. By that time, I had learned a lot about sex and my body.

The best. How did the enlightenment happen?

Well, mostly by just doing it. I was having sex with the same person for a few years after that, so we were just trying things I read in magazines like Cosmo and Women’s Health. 

I also watched YouTube videos about different positions. I even asked my guy friends for techniques and stuff. Honestly, I’m still learning about myself — every experience brings something new.

So, what’s your sex life like now?

It’s been pretty good because I’ve had a consistent partner, and I’ve been active all year. I usually have very long dry spells after one fuck boy has screwed me over.

I also have a better relationship with sex because I’m doing it for my own pleasure these days, as opposed to for someone else. Plus, I’m always high, so it’s always mad.

Oh? When did you start getting high?

Wow. It’s been nearly two years, and I’ve been a full-on stoner for half of that. I was seeing a guy who got me into it, and we would just eat, have sex and then sleep, so I formed a habit. Now, once I’m high, all I’m looking for is food and sex.

What happens when you can’t find someone to have sex with?

LMAO. I watch sex videos on Twitter and pretend that’s me and my partner.

LMAO. And I’m guessing you masturbate?

Nah. I just pretend in my head. I’m not really a touch myself kinda gal, but I heard about this new sex toy called Tracy’s Dog, which I’ve ordered and I’m waiting to take for a spin. 

Mad. So, how does stoned sex compare to sober sex?

Bruh! It’s so much better. It’s almost like a new thing. I had sober sex the other day and it felt like something was missing. 

When you’re high you can just feel everything more intensely and your inhibitions are looser, so you’re willing to do things you wouldn’t ordinarily be open to.

So no more sober sex for you?

Mmmm. Probably not. I think even when I’m old and married, my husband and I will be getting high before we have sex. Unless I just find myself in the situation, it certainly won’t be an active choice to have sober sex.

What if you find a really great guy, but he doesn’t like getting high?

Ah! This is something that has become such a big part of my routine, I’ll definitely need my partner to be a pothead too. I don’t think I can be with someone who won’t get high with me. 

Fair. What has been your most interesting sexual experience to date?

It was definitely the first time I had sex high. I’m usually quite shy and reserved, letting the guy take the lead, but I took charge and became some sort of an instant freak. I also came through oral sex for the first time ever, and my life hasn’t been the same since.

What about your most embarrassing?

Nothing beats my first time. I still cringe when I think about it. I definitely ruined the mood because I wouldn’t stop asking questions. I kept interrupting to ask what he was doing and why he wasn’t scared, and then, as if my asthma attack wasn’t enough, my nanny that I’d had since I was born walked in and saw us. We never spoke about it, but she knows and I know.

There have been some other questionable times. Like my period surprising me mid-coitus, or when I fell off the bed. I’ve also queefed in someone’s mouth. But I feel like these things come with the territory, so it’s not actually embarrassing. 

That’s true. So, what’s your opinion about sex at this point in your life?

I think I’m just coming to terms with it being a normal thing that adults do. I always thought it was like an extra step in romance, but it’s actually not a big deal. It’s as simple as just going to the gym.

I’m also shedding a lot of the things I unconsciously picked up from society about power dynamics and it’s helping me relax a lot more. Now I just enjoy what I’m doing rather than performing it.

What will you tell your kids about sex?

I saw a tweet the other day where someone told their child that sex is like pepper soup, and you have to grow up to be able to handle it. That’s how I’m going to treat it. 

My parents never spoke to us about sex in detail, but it wasn’t a taboo. I was able to talk to my mum about it when I lost my virginity, so I also want my kids to know they can talk to me and I’ll answer any questions they have. 

It’s also very important to me to talk to them about consent and sexual power dynamics once they’re old enough. I would hate for my son to be a clueless dog like many of the boys I’ve been with, and I’d hate for my daughter to act like me in many situations I found myself in.

Love that. How would you rate your sex life now?

Right now, I would say 8/10. I’m enjoying it, but every time is always better than the last, so I know there’s more out there for me. Maybe I’ll try a different drug. I hear Molly is insane.

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