If you don’t have, what will we call you?
BMB, GMB/PMB, GEJ, DAM, BRF…should I go on?
Just hope your initials don’t read like this: Olusola Desmond Elliot.
2. Find an (evil) godfather to sponsor you.
See, most people don’t know that this is the secret. You heard it here first.
3. Run for Senate.
Even if your godfather is strong enough to make you a governor straight away, run for senate after.
4. Don’t forget your glo up. Or upgrade challenge. Your choice really.
And not just in your culture.
5. Be selectively literate.
Be smart on some issues, then be totally misguided about other really important issues.
6. Always, ALWAYS make promises you cannot possibly keep.
This isn’t really your fault, Nigerians just don’t learn!
7. Get your social media wailing wailers.
These wailing wailers also serve as ‘attack lions’ against your detractors. Think of them as social media bouncers.
8. Have an arch rival.
Even if it’s the entire Nigerian Twitter like Ben Murray Bruce.
9. Switch political parties. More than once. Maybe even back and forth.
Be ready to switch allegiances at the slightest whiff of weakness or danger. Be selfish. It’s about you!
10. EFCC has to arrest you. At least once.
Fraud allegations don’t ruin you in Nigeria. They make you. In fact, that’s your initiation into the upper ranks of the national thieves.
11. Always have an illness that will carry you abroad* when you’re caught stealing.
The illness is usually undisclosed, but if your condition is critical, pick a terminal illness.
*Abroad: A country with no extradition. This is not a drill.
12. Steal. Lie. Rinse*. Repeat.
This is the crowning jewel of the Nigerian politician. Seriously. You need to master this process. Don’t steal too much; or too little. Do it just right.
1. Steal.
2. Say You Didn’t steal.
3. *Rinse: To become politically born again. Especially when you switch political parties.
4. Repeat 1 – 3.
13. Distribute the wealth to other politicians. You need accomplices.
You definitely do NOT want to go down alone. So keep meticulous records of the partakers.
Because to Nigerian bosses, “going above and beyond” means actually dying for the company. This article will teach you how to give them what they want, even if it’s eye service.
The electricity workers’ strike that left millions of Nigerians in darkness lasted only as long as a Fela song. But what were the issues? And is this the end of darkness?
Start by going to different churches and saying you’re a new comer. If they don’t give you jollof rice, they’ll at least give you chicken pie and coke.
Last weekend, Orijin, the custodian of culture was the toast of the Big Brother Naija Saturday night party-themed Orijinal Ankara party. Saturday night parties are the highlights of Big Brother Naija weekends and Orijin delivered with melodious afrobeat music, flamboyant fashion, and its unique taste. The Level Up housemates partied away decked in stylish Ankara […]
With podcasts all the rage now, we’d like to see how you create yours. And yes, we can totally tell what your toxic trait is from your preferred options.
For unknown reasons, we gathered very real Common Entrance past questions to see if you’re smarter than the average JSS 1 student. There are 10 English questions, 5 Science questions, 5 Social Studies questions and 10 Mathematics questions in this quiz. Show yourself:
We already guessed how many people you’ve slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:
2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:
We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]
A new year is right around the corner. Before we go into 2022, enjoy some of our top quizzes from this year. 1. QUIZ: Only Nigerian Gen Z’ers Can Make It To The End Of This Musicians Quiz Forget about your age. If you can make it to the end of this quiz, you’re definitely […]
Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]
Are you a Nigerian Student? Are you in a relationship with a fellow Nigerian student? If your answer to these questions is “yes”, then definitely understand these struggles stated below The roommate that does not understand privacy You have been telling Cynthia about how bae is coming over for some private time since the beginning […]
Phillipine movies usually follow a pattern that has become obvious and annoying. Consider this list a documentation of that annoyance by once loyal fans.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
Z! Stacks
Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
With podcasts all the rage now, we’d like to see how you create yours. And yes, we can totally tell what your toxic trait is from your preferred options.
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