If you don’t have, what will we call you?
BMB, GMB/PMB, GEJ, DAM, BRF…should I go on?
Just hope your initials don’t read like this: Olusola Desmond Elliot.
2. Find an (evil) godfather to sponsor you.
See, most people don’t know that this is the secret. You heard it here first.
3. Run for Senate.
Even if your godfather is strong enough to make you a governor straight away, run for senate after.
4. Don’t forget your glo up. Or upgrade challenge. Your choice really.
And not just in your culture.
5. Be selectively literate.
Be smart on some issues, then be totally misguided about other really important issues.
6. Always, ALWAYS make promises you cannot possibly keep.
This isn’t really your fault, Nigerians just don’t learn!
7. Get your social media wailing wailers.
These wailing wailers also serve as ‘attack lions’ against your detractors. Think of them as social media bouncers.
8. Have an arch rival.
Even if it’s the entire Nigerian Twitter like Ben Murray Bruce.
9. Switch political parties. More than once. Maybe even back and forth.
Be ready to switch allegiances at the slightest whiff of weakness or danger. Be selfish. It’s about you!
10. EFCC has to arrest you. At least once.
Fraud allegations don’t ruin you in Nigeria. They make you. In fact, that’s your initiation into the upper ranks of the national thieves.
11. Always have an illness that will carry you abroad* when you’re caught stealing.
The illness is usually undisclosed, but if your condition is critical, pick a terminal illness.
*Abroad: A country with no extradition. This is not a drill.
12. Steal. Lie. Rinse*. Repeat.
This is the crowning jewel of the Nigerian politician. Seriously. You need to master this process. Don’t steal too much; or too little. Do it just right.
1. Steal.
2. Say You Didn’t steal.
3. *Rinse: To become politically born again. Especially when you switch political parties.
4. Repeat 1 – 3.
13. Distribute the wealth to other politicians. You need accomplices.
You definitely do NOT want to go down alone. So keep meticulous records of the partakers.
From Merge Mansions to that one where the pregnant woman gets cheated on and has to either leave or endure by joining her husband’s mistress in shaving his legs, mobile game ads are wild AF. In this week’s #ZikokoSYDHT, we reviewed the most insane ones.
Nigeria’s presidential seat has been the exclusive plaything of one gender throughout the country’s history. But some women are trying to change that in the 2023 presidential election.
Friends and business partners @ajibolagrey and @oli_ekun are each other’s ride or die. On today’s #ZikokoMyBro, they talk about being online friends for a year before meeting, their famous twitter banter and their plan to avoid fighting over money.
At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:
Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]
A new year is right around the corner. Before we go into 2022, enjoy some of our top quizzes from this year. 1. QUIZ: Only Nigerian Gen Z’ers Can Make It To The End Of This Musicians Quiz Forget about your age. If you can make it to the end of this quiz, you’re definitely […]
We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]
Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]
Are you a Nigerian Student? Are you in a relationship with a fellow Nigerian student? If your answer to these questions is “yes”, then definitely understand these struggles stated below The roommate that does not understand privacy You have been telling Cynthia about how bae is coming over for some private time since the beginning […]
Phillipine movies usually follow a pattern that has become obvious and annoying. Consider this list a documentation of that annoyance by once loyal fans.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
Z! Stacks
Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Join The Conversation
Bring a friend.