As last week’s interview showed, chaos always finds Zikoko, although she might have invited it to her doorstep this week.

Zikoko: *under breath* Finally. Welcome 

Twitter NG: Hmm. Thank you, my dear. 

*looks around* 

You people don’t have chilled water or stout inside this your office?

Zikoko: *points at the bottle of water on the table*

Twitter NG: *picks and drops it with disgust*

I said chilled, mortuary standard. I’ve been moving up and down since o. Selling market here, settling fight there, and these you people’s sun is too hot.

*dabs sweat*

You people don’t like AC in your office?

Zikoko: Sorry. Sorry, to cut you short. But you’re Twitter?

Twitter NG: Twitter is our family name, but people call me Ngo baby, NG for short.

Zikoko: Okay, Miss NG

Twitter NG: Remove the miss

Zikoko: Mrs?

Twitter NG: See, I don’t have time for this one, ask me your questions fast.

*a notification sound comes from her bag*

Ehehn, somebody just started another “women should be submissive” conversation.

Zikoko: What is it about that?

Twitter NG: Hmm, my dear. 10 is happening, but every day you people are arguing about the same thing and acting without decorum. Una no dey rest.

Zikoko: Ah, we are not among, ma

Twitter NG:  The people that fight “GenZ vs Millenial” wars on Monday. “Should you cook for your boyfriend or not?” on Wednesday. “Was your childhood traumatic or are you actually fine” on Thursday. my dream? Then the ones that come out to shout gender wars unprovoked on Saturday. Are they, not your people?

Zikoko: Not all of them

Twitter NG: It’s not like I’m angry like that o. You people are helping me meet my target. In fact, you are even helping my cousins, Eucharia of the UK and Austin bomboy of America, to meet their targets too.

You people are trying small small, but you used to act one kind…

Zikoko: The arguments?

Twitter NG: No o. As you people have refused to change, I cannot do anything about that one. It’s this one where you people will be talking about one thing, you’ll now add like five different things that don’t concern what you’re talking about because other people are talking about it.

*shakes head*

It’s bad. In fact, Elozonam Mekus…

Zikoko: You mean Elon Musk

Twitter NG: *side eye*

Zikoko: Sorry ma

Twitter NG: Is he your oga, or my oga?

Zikoko: I thought you were a family.

Twitter NG: Did he tell you that his last name is Twitter?

Zikoko: Sorry ma. You were saying?

Twitter NG: How do I want to remember what I was saying again?

Zikoko: Try ma

Twitter NG: Ehen. You people used to do one kind.

Zikoko: Which people?

Twitter NG: You people now, all of you.

Zikoko: Ma, please we don’t appreciate the generalizations.

Twitter NG: Ahn ahn. What is that your name again?

Zikoko: Zikoko ma

Twitter NG: Do you use Twitter?

Zikoko: Yes ma

Twitter NG: *pulls out a tablet from her big ass bag*

Zi-ko-ko… ehen, you’re among now. You’re one of those who start arguments.

Zikoko: Conversations ma. We start conversations

Twitter NG: See, we are talking about the same thing…

Zikoko: Ma? Madam? Twi… Twitter

Twitter NG: *jerks back to life*

Sorry. Sorry, my dear. Sometimes, I’ll just freeze, I won’t be able to move for a while.

*Her tablet starts blowing up with notifications* 

Somebody cannot even have peace again.

*She starts packing her things*

Zikoko: You’re leaving already?

Twitter NG: Shebi, you too you can see it. If it’s not fight I’m settling, it’s blue tick I’m selling. If they don’t turn me to a dating site, they’ll turn me into a courtroom. I’m just one person.

Zikoko: Can we reschedule?

Twitter NG: Reschedule where? My dear, the way you people are acting…

Zikoko: *under breath* It’s not us

Twitter NG: You may never see me again

Zikoko: Ah, that won’t happen o

Twitter NG: *turns to leave*

Zikoko: Why does this keep happening to me? Miss Twitter?! Mama NG?!

Twitter NG: It’s Ngo, Ngozichukwukariri for short.



Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.