For many people, Ramadan is the month of new beginning and fresh starts. A chance to get it right one more time. Going along with that premise, I spoke to people who are currently looking for fresh starts during Ramadan.
Here’s what they had to say:
“I hope that this Ramadan helps me with masturbation. I remember reading one time that if masturbation prevents fornication then it’s permissible. For the longest time, I have used that to justify my actions, but deep down I still always feel like I am committing a sin.
In the past, after the tenth day of Ramadan, I start to wank after Iftar. My body can’t just stay so long without endorphins. I am an orgasm addict. Lol.
My target for this month’s Ramadan is at least 20 days clean without it. I don’t know if I can make it. It has been a tough couple of days but I will keep trying no matter what. This is an opportunity for a fresh start.”
“For my job, the two things that help me get through it are copious amounts of stress food and copious amounts of alcohol. No in-between. I cut my stress relief for Ramadan, and to be honest my body is not having it. I am cranky, irritable, and desperate.
I tried reading the Quran as a substitute but it’s not the same. Ughhhh!”
“Let me be real with you, I haven’t fasted anything yet. I will fast but it’s just difficult. I struggle with low self-esteem and my validation comes from sending select men pictures of my body. And their resulting desire to sleep with me. I get validation from them wanting to sleep with me rather than the act itself. Do you get? the thrill of being pursued, desired. A man that wants to sleep with you will do anything. I mean anything. That feeling of worship is what powers me.
The issue now is that when I fast, I can’t play these games and I can’t get validation. Without that validation, I can die. I can’t go back to face that girl that was unsure of herself. So, that’s why I keep hesitating. It just feels like a huge tradeoff tbh.”
“As a writer, I need music and food to write. Music for mental ginger, and food for stomach ginger. I have had to give up these two for Ramadan and it has been tough. Whenever I am stuck on inspiration, I subconsciously open Deezer. Or, I walk to the fridge to grab a bite. I tried replacing music with podcasts, but I can’t listen to podcasts and work at the same time.
After Iftar, I find myself on Youtube consuming two times the usual amount of music videos I would normally watch. It’s almost like I am compensating for not listening to music during the day.”
“Can someone be addicted to lying? I have to lie because of work. I am a sales rep and sales involves some measure of half-truths and over-exaggeration. So, I catch myself in tight corners these days whenever I call my customers. If I don’t bobo them, I won’t eat. If I bobo them, I won’t go to heaven. Which way?”
“Lower your gaze has never been harder. I am obsessed with staring at beautiful women. I go down rabbit holes on Twitter once I see photos of a beautiful woman on the timeline. These days, when I see a beautiful woman on the TL, I send the photo to my Dm for surfing after Iftar. I am trying to suppress this habit but it’s just so difficult. There are too many fine people in the world to stop appreciating.”
You should definitely read this: A Week In The Life Of An Imam Navigating A Zoom Ramadan During Covid-19.