When a lot of people recall childhood beatings, it’s often with a hint of wry humour and I’m usually just blown, like
Excuse me, what about getting beaten is funny?
Your dad or mom had you hospitalized and left a permanent scar on you and you’re laughing almost fondly? What in the Stockholm Syndrome is this?
I often find that the longer people tell these stories, the humour fades and their true feelings of the events are exposed – whatever they may be.
Admittedly, if I were asked to recount such tales, I’d probably laugh in the process of telling it as well. Well, that just might be because I’m damaged. Who knows?
Corporal punishments or what we call beating, is tightly woven into the average Nigerian or African’s correctional culture.
It starts at home with parents, aunts or uncles and older siblings, and extends to school and sometimes even religious institutions.
In fact, it’s not the strangest thing to see a man or woman “discipline” a complete stranger’s child for some wrongdoing or other.
They say it takes a village to raise a child and this village believes in the supposed effectiveness of beatings. However, with all the beatings and supposed discipline, crime and immorality are still rife in the society.
A lot of people will argue that beatings didn’t leave any lasting mental scars, that they’re actually better for it.
These same people look forward to beating their children for not much other reason than ‘well, it was done to me and I turned out well’.
That might be true, but you could definitely have turned out a whole lot better. In an environment that often disregards mental health, it would be hard for you to even tell the signs.
Damaged people damage people.
There are many detrimental effects of corporal punishment.
If you were beaten as a child, it’s okay to admit that you are damaged. It makes it easier to notice the signs and break the cycle.
Unless you have the very spawn of the devil as a child (which is very unlikely) there’s no way he/she won’t be able to discern right from wrong, especially if broken down and properly communicated to them.
It doesn’t have to be etched on their bodies through beatings. In contrast to what parents are trying to achieve, the child most often only learns to fear punishment, rather than understand why he should follow rules. They become sneaky and learn to hide bad behaviour well, because of the fear of punishment.
AKA “wrong is what gets you punished; right is what gets you praise or avoids punishment.” Morally upright, indeed. See this.
Beatings don’t teach your child to behave properly. A child who gets beaten for fighting a sibling won’t magically learn how to get along better in future.
Parents are in fact just sending a confusing message by doing exactly what they’re trying to get the children to not do. Children do what parents do, more than what they say. Effective discipline should always teach new skills, and parents are responsible for the child they raised.
Parents often lose it and react, and in the process don’t teach anything other than that their child should be afraid of them. Parents who use corporal punishment often react out of desperation before they really consider the underlying reason.
The child just gets beaten without fully understanding what they did wrong, simply learning that their parents don’t like it and not to do it again… and get caught.
Parents who employ corporal punishment as a discipline tool are simply training their kids to resent them.
Beatings damage your child’s self-esteem, their ability to interact properly with others, their view of the world and their view of how they deserve to be treated!
Beatings push your children away from you, and they become vulnerable to picking up vices from strangers. They also perfect bad habits such as lying. Why make your child grow up traumatised?
Punishment isn’t the only facet of discipline! In fact, if your discipline consists of just negative consequences, it isn’t very effective.
Some parents, when asked why they beat their children, will say out of frustration “I don’t know what else to do.” How would you feel if you were meted out that same punishment by a spouse or loved one with the excuse of them not knowing how else to let you know you’d made a mistake? That would be termed ‘Emotional Pain and Suffering’ for an adult, so why do we believe children don’t have the same feelings that adults do?
The screaming that comes from a young child being beaten is not so much the result of physical trauma as it is emotional trauma. They experience the overwhelming emotional pain of rejection, worthlessness, and the betrayal is usually much worse than any physical pain.
So, is #StopBeatingChildren a relevant movement in the Nigerian society? Yes.
We need to recognize beatings for what they are – abuse. We need to break the cycle of abusing our children because we were abused.
There are other equally effective methods of disciplining a child without physical (or verbal) abuse.
Parents can try, for one, actually talking to the kids like they’re human beings with brains. They should also try educating them as patiently as possible about the dangers or implications of their bad behaviour.
Ignore them, ground them, take away something they love, clearly express your disapproval and lecture them if need be, just do anything but abuse them.
The mental scars you inflict on them will last longer than any lesson you’d like them to learn.
What are your thoughts on using corporal punishment as a discipline tool?
A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a grief counsellor. Grief […]
Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:
Anyone who grew up in a Nigerian household understands that the Saturday routine does not change. It is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are a true Nigerian, then you’ll understand these pictures and their connection to Saturday mornings. 1. Morning devotion by 6:00 AM. In which your parents can slap you for […]
We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]
Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:
At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:
These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]
2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:
Nigeria’s leading dishwashing liquid, Morning Fresh, has unveiled Tolani Tayo-Osikoya, a successful Chef, Food Blogger and Owner of Diary of a Kitchen Lover, as its new brand ambassador. Prior to the unveil, Tolani had been sharing the inspiring story of her journey on her social media platforms, reassuring Nigerians that dreams are valid even in […]
When it comes to games night ideas you can play with friends, it is best to consider the people you’ll be inviting so you can choose games that each person will enjoy. Not every time truth or dare, or never have I ever. Here are 8 game night ideas you can play with your friends. […]
Almost every guy has received that worried call from their girl, saying those words that make your stomach turn to water: “My period is late.” Immediately, you will just become weak and start feeling a ton of emotions. Here are some of the emotions you feel when your girl says her period is late. 1. […]
The University authorities released a statement addressing the rise of Covid-19 cases in UNILAG on Tuesday after this tweet was made. Huh ??? Covid outbreak in Unilag ??? https://t.co/LbH5Xv3nM7 – Jahmal (@JahmalUsen) July 12. 2021 The statement reads, Read more here. School activities were going on as normal, even after several Covid-19 positive students were […]
What do you do before you breakup with someone? Well, you should try out any of these seven things. 1) Eat A hungry man is an angry man. So sometimes the reason you want to break up with your partner is because you’ve not had some good food in a while. Before you type that […]
“OMG, I love Zikoko.” We hate to break it to you, but only the true lovers of Zikoko can score 10 out of 10 on this quiz. We’ll definitely catch you here if you’ve been trying to scope us all the while. Oya take the quiz. Psst! Did you know you can contribute as low […]
Everyone is secretly the product of an old Nollywood couple combination. Take this quiz to find out which old Nollywood couple combination you secretly are.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
Z! Stacks
Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
Join The Conversation
Bring a friend.