6 Things You Can Say In A Nigerian Bank And At A Naira Marley Concert

April 17, 2020

No morals were harmed in the making of this post. With that out the way, Kids, do not try this at home. Or in a bank for that matter.

1) Opotoyi?

When you finally request for your statement of account and see the cost of SMS charges per month.

2) Control the crowd. Control the crowd.

When one too many people are claiming “I am at your back.” You have to control them and maintain peace.

3) Oteselebo.

This is for when you deposit money into the wrong account and the person doesn’t want to refund it. It’s a warning that you are willing to go spiritual.

4) Mafo.

How you calm yourself after Customer care says that ATM dispense error reversals take 14 working days to effect.

5) Inside life.

When your bank refunds your failed foreign transaction in Naira. But they used a lower exchange rate than you bought at for the refund.

6) Gbese Gbese.

When you enter the bank just as the security man is about to stop people from entering for the day.

Hassan Yahaya

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 28, 2019

Nigerians can make anything popular; if we all get behind a brand, that brand is made for life. Therefore, it comes as no surprise that some brands are used as a generic term for certain products or services because of how popular they’ve become. Here’s a list of some of them: 1) NEPA: Long before […]

May 16, 2020

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old gay man who has been making porn for the past two years. He talks about earning six figures a month, navigating Nigeria’s homophobic laws and how the pandemic has affected his business.  What was your first sexual experience? I had my first real experience when I […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

April 12, 2021

You’re having a normal conversation with an anime watcher and they suddenly break into Japanese because they think everyone around them understands. We’ve been there too, so we’ve decided to compile a list of the possible things they’ll say and their meanings. You’re welcome. 1. Nani Nani simply means “What”, but the way anime characters […]

April 12, 2021

As Told To Itohan For a while now, I had been asking people what the most interesting parts about their love life. So, when someone reached out to me and said she fell in love with her Uncle, I wondered if I was reading right. The person in today’s As Told To is *Anna, a […]

April 12, 2021

You probably think you transform to Beyoncé or Celine Dion when those earphones come in and you start singing those lyrics out from your heart, but we are sorry to break it to you that you mostly sound like a squeaking rat. Here is a list of songs you should not sing along to with […]

April 12, 2021

I am genuinely fascinated by relationship dynamics between Nigerians especially when it comes to giving gifts to their partners. So I set out to speak to as many Nigerian men who were willing to speak to me and asked them who the most generous partner they’ve ever had is. And the answers amazed me. Here […]

Recommended Quizzes

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

More from Inside Life

April 12, 2021

You’re having a normal conversation with an anime watcher and they suddenly break into Japanese because they think everyone around them understands. We’ve been there too, so we’ve decided to compile a list of the possible things they’ll say and their meanings. You’re welcome. 1. Nani Nani simply means “What”, but the way anime characters […]

April 12, 2021

You probably think you transform to Beyoncé or Celine Dion when those earphones come in and you start singing those lyrics out from your heart, but we are sorry to break it to you that you mostly sound like a squeaking rat. Here is a list of songs you should not sing along to with […]

April 10, 2021

With almost two years of being in existence, Sex Life has grown while staying true to its goal of exploring the sex lives of Nigerians. In the last one year and five months since Sex Life was created, we’ve spoken to about eighty Nigerians who are at different places in their lives, with different orintentations, […]

April 9, 2021

You’re at a job interview, answering all the questions and feeling yourself when the one person that hasn’t spoken throughout the meeting suddenly asks, “Why should we hire you?” If you’ve ever been in this situation and you didn’t know what to say, we’re sorry we didn’t write this earlier. Here are some of the […]

April 9, 2021

If you have ever considered getting into spoken word poetry and you did not know how to go about it, we are here for you. Just remember us when you blow. 1) Use burial music There is no spoken word performance without proper burial music. You might try to switch it up and use church […]

April 9, 2021

Burner accounts are all the rave. Almost everyone has one but what is the appeal of a burner twitter account? Why are they so popular? We decided to ask a few Nigerians who own burner accounts why they own one and the answers are absolutely fascinating. Chukwuemeka, 23.Having a burner is scary because I know […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X