When certified sex educator Elizabeth Adewale tweeted that visiting a man’s house doesn’t automatically mean consent for sex, the men in her comments went absolutely feral. So naturally, Zikoko did what Zikoko does best and brought her and lawyer Hassana Maina together on a Twitter Space to set the record straight.
Elizabeth, known for breaking down taboos around sex, intimacy, and pleasure and Hassana, the powerhouse founder of ASVIOL (Anti-Sexual Violence Lead #Support Initiative), unpacked everything from consent and dating culture and why your favourite uncle’s hot takes about women and money are dead wrong.
1. Visiting someone’s house is NOT an invitation to shift their pants
Let’s start with the basics because apparently, we still need to. Elizabeth said it plainly: “Visiting someone’s house is not consent. And even if you visit a man and you had plans to have sex with him, or you guys have discussed that, ‘Oh, I’m coming over, I want to sleep with you,’ even when you visit, you still have the full right to change your mind.”
The confusion over this topic comes from social conditioning and male entitlement. From childhood, boys are taught that any close interaction with a woman must lead to something sexual. That’s why we’re still having the tired “men and women can’t be friends” debate in 2025.
2. Men see sex as something they take, not something to share
Hassana broke this down beautifully: “Men look at sex as something women give and men take. And so there’s always the idea that this is mine to take and yours to give.” That predator-prey dynamic? It’s not natural. It’s learned. And it’s the reason we keep having these conversations where men believe women owe them something simply for existing in their space.
3. The litmus test for generosity vs. manipulation is simple
Elizabeth gave a simple but life-saving question: “Would the offer still happen if sex never happens?” If you’re buying gifts, sending money, or taking someone out because you care and enjoy their company, that’s generosity. But if you’re doing it because you expect sex in return, that’s manipulation. And those Twitter jokes about “you took her on a date and didn’t score”? Elizabeth said it best, “That is very, very wrong.”
4. Accepting gifts does NOT equal consent (and the law agrees)
Here’s where Hassana came through with the legal perspective. She said, “Consent is yes, an unequivocal yes. A yes that doesn’t come with buts and ifs. Every other thing is not consent.” She added that if you’re giving gifts with the clear intention of getting sex in return, “then what you’re doing is soliciting for sex and that’s prostitution. It’s a crime under the law.” So, for the men who think dinner equals access to a woman’s body? The math isn’t mathing.
5. “Sex is not a payment. Sex is not a receipt.”
Elizabeth said it, and honestly, it needs to be on a T-shirt, and we all need to tattoo it on our foreheads. “Thank you for being a good man. Thank you for the money. Thank you for the gifts, but that is not consent.” No matter how nice, generous, or supportive you are, sex is not the “thank you” you get in return.
6. Bride price has warped how we understand consent in marriage
Elizabeth didn’t hold back on this one: “In our culture, especially in Nigeria, there’s this idea that once a man pays a woman’s bride price, he has somehow bought access to her body.” This transactional mindset is exactly why marital rape isn’t taken seriously. Men ask, “How can you rape your wife? You paid her bride price.” The answer: you can, and it’s a crime. Marriage isn’t a permanent consent contract.
7. Movies and media have been lying to us
Both speakers agreed that Nollywood and Hollywood have helped sell us a dangerous idea, sex as a reward for good behaviour. Elizabeth explained it this way, “Men see affection as an investment in women, so the man invests care because he wants sex. And women give sex as a reward to the man for the care and affection.” This conditioning has gone so deep that even women push back against consent education. It’s going to take a lot of unlearning and relearning to fix it.
It is important for everyone to understand that consent is enthusiastic, clear and can be withdrawn at any time. Everything else is just rape culture dressed up in nice packaging. And if this makes you uncomfortable, well, maybe that’s exactly why you need to hear it.
Next Read: Men Think I’m Joking When I Say I Gamble for a Living
