Welcome to another recap of our HER Twitter Space. If you missed this one, today’s your lucky day. Our speakers came with facts and experiences that reinforced the notion that things need to change for women.
We were joined by Hannatu Asheolge, journalist and co-convener of the CERA project, as our able moderator. While our speakers were Dr. Zeenaht Abdullahi, obstetrician & gynaecologist and Dr Nafisa Muazu. The topic was women, sex and shame, meaning our speakers and moderator addressed social stigmas and issues that have silenced and shamed women in the discourse. And from what we gather, women have no business being ashamed of these things.
Here are 5 things women should not be afraid to talk about, courtesy of our brilliant speakers and more than able moderator.
1. Periods
There’s no reason why women should be ashamed or afraid of talking about periods in 2025. Womanhood is a universal experience, and something as common as periods should not be a taboo. That habit of hiding sanitary pads and lowering voices when talking about flow heaviness, or being anything more than a little conscious of whether or not your clothing has been stained and being ashamed of it? All of these need to go.
While we’re at it, it’s important to tell young girls the truth about the whys and hows of periods. Pregnancies aren’t the only things attached to them. There’s so much more that we can explore with the topic. Let shame go and let it flow.
“At the age of 8, as a young girl getting her first period, I already had an innate shame or fear at the possibility of having this conversation with family. It’s ingrained in us from birth.”
Dr Zeenaht Abdullahi
2. Sexual Desires and Negotiating Sexual Terms
According to our speakers, the absolute worst thing that can happen when women express sexual desires or needs is being called an ashawo. Not much comes after that. But the shame that comes with talking about sex or sexual activity is completely unnecessary. Especially when men expect women to be holier than thou in public but somehow extremely talented in bed.
It’s okay to say what positions you prefer and what you’d rather not do. It’s okay to go to his house with condoms and insist on it. Ask for and give verbal consent. Have safe words. It’s okay to say you don’t want to go all the way. And it’s okay to say you didn’t cum.
“People enjoy sex and orgasms. But no one wants to talk about it, even though everyone enjoys it.”
Dr. Nafisa Muazu
Read Next: Let’s Talk About Sex & Reproductive Health: How to Detach Womanhood from Shame
3. Sexual and Reproductive Health Issues
Once again, womanhood is a universal experience, and chances are, we all have the same SRH issues. Vaginismus, PCOS, endometriosis and fibroids are more common than we think. But for some reason, women are too ashamed to talk about these things or admit that they’re dealing with them. These health issues make women feel like they’re less common than they are. And, oftentimes, this feeling comes with shame. But it’s important to speak about these things, especially because of how much we learn from each other when we do. The same applies to STIs. It’s important to speak about these things to know how to manage and deal with them. The earlier we address the issues, the better it is for our health. We’re even likely to prevent terminal diseases when we speak about these issues openly.
“The best consequence you can ask for from unprotected sex as a woman is unwanted pregnancy. The worst is an incurable STI.”
Dr Zeenaht Abdullahi
4. Deviating From the Default Setting of Womanhood
Shame has deprived women of many things, some of which include choice and freedom. For as long as mankind has existed, women’s bodies have been seen as objects and tools. Women have been locked in and told to come out only when chosen by a man or needed to perform certain actions. The default is to perform, attract a partner, have painful periods 7 days a week and procreate. Our speakers believe that when women speak more about what they want, they make better-informed choices. This might include saying no to marriage and babies without shame. It’s okay to not want these things. It’s okay to not get with the program.
“Sometimes women talk about sex and make it seem like men used them. But we also need to enjoy sex so we can say we used them too. When women have more orgasms, they’re able to negotiate better and chase other things in their lives. Even not wanting to have kids and making better contraceptive choices.”
Dr. Nafisa Muazu
“Every time women find out something is wrong with them, they feel less than. As though they’ve failed as women. Any deviation from what’s expected makes women feel like they’ve failed.”
Dr Zeenaht Abdullahi
5. Talking to Children About Sex
If we’re going to change things, we have to start early. That means telling children the truth about SRH issues, as far as it is responsible to do so. Children know a lot more than they let on. Sometimes, even more than us. It’s important to make ourselves safe spaces for them so we’re better equipped to handle unexpected issues.
“I first learnt about sex from Nollywood. Every time I watched films with my mum, I remember her telling me to close my eyes. I remember it just being a thing that we always needed to hide and not talk about.”
Dr. Nafisa Muazu
“When receiving information from children, we need to receive it with openness and logic and proceed in that direction.”
Dr. Zeenaht Abdullahi
Also Read: Why Parents Should Teach Their Kids About Sex, Including Contraception
To hear more from our panellists, listen to the X/Twitter space recording here.
