Lagos is hot, the detty December events are calling, and your lace frontal is laid, honey. Everything should be as perfect as it gets in this city. However, there’s a devil in disguise, and it could be riding your delivery bike.
Forget unknown and the everyday armed robbers; the latest, most outrageous threat to your dignity and bank account is the Wig Snatcher. They are fast, they are ruthless, and apparently, they’re targeting Lagos baddies from V.I. to Berger.
Since the government is doing nothing, here is your definitive, slightly chaotic, survival guide to keeping your expensive crown where it belongs.
1. The Super Glue-Down Method
You glued the front, you glued the sides, but you forgot the back. That’s amateur hour. Since your entire head is now a target, you need to use a glue that was not meant for human skin.
Forget your lace adhesive. We are talking industrial strength. Think about using an adhesive for laminate flooring or, better yet, a small amount of wood glue. That wig is now a permanent architectural feature of your head.
Even if it’s a frontal, glue the front, the back, and the part in the middle that you didn’t think mattered. If a snatcher tries to grab it, you want them to take a piece of your scalp and regret their life choices.
2. Sew Your Destiny In!
We know you’re not trying to look like a church matron, but desperation calls for desperate measures. Your wig must be attached to your braids or scalp as if your life depends on it (because your wig does).
Install those wig combs and pins like you’re putting a security lock on a vault. Use a thread to sew the combs directly to your cornrows in at least four cardinal points. The goal is to make the snatching process so time-consuming that the snatcher will either abandon the mission or get stuck in traffic.
Better yet, opt for a complete sew-in.
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3. You Can’t Snatch What You Can’t Hold
A flowing, luxurious 30-inch bust down wig is an invitation. It’s an easy target for a thief on a bike to grab and yank. Don’t give them a handle.
As long as you are on the streets, your hair must be in a severe, low, pulled-back bun. It should be so tight that your eyes water, and your temples are screaming. This gives the snatcher absolutely nothing to grab onto but the very base of the wig.
4. Wear That Bonnet Instead
Never, and we mean NEVER, step outside to collect your delivery with your wig on.
When the app says your rider is “2 minutes away,” remove the wig, throw on a bonnet, a scarf, or an old hairnet. Accept the delivery, looking like you just rolled out of bed, because at least you’ll still have your wig when the transaction is done. Let the snatcher be confused by the sight of a woman in a bonnet waiting for their ₦10,000 order.
5. Your Wig is Now Hand Luggage
If you are going from one location to another (like your car to a venue), treat your wig like an expensive accessory.
Wear your braids/natural hair out, or a simple scarf, while commuting. Keep your expensive wig in a silk bag, safely tucked away until you are in the parking lot or inside the venue’s restroom. If they snatch the bag, you still have your phone and keys. If they snatch the wig, well, that’s just embarrassing.
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6. Consider Retirement (The Braids Option)
Perhaps it’s time to retire the high-maintenance lace frontal for a few weeks and embrace a safer alternative.
If it must be long hair, opt for a traditional sew-in weave (where the wefts are physically sewn to your cornrows) or box braids. If they try to snatch a fully sewn-in weave, they are taking your head with it. The commitment is higher, but the snatcher-proof factor is unbeatable.
Or you know, go bald.
7. Wear a Decoy Wig
The only thing a thief respects is another thief, or perhaps the unexpected.
If you’re really committed, buy the cheapest, most ridiculous party wig you can find, maybe a neon green synthetic bob and loosely perch it on your head as a decoy. If they snatch it, you’ve wasted their time, embarrassed them, and you can laugh all the way to your event with your real wig tucked away safely.
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