Successfully getting divorced can be freeing and heartbreaking for the parties involved. One of the more complicated issues is re-evaluating your finances in your thirties or forties.

We spoke to seven Nigerians about the financial complications that came with their divorce. If you’re married, some of these stories will make you triple-check your joint account(s).

1. “He took ₦19m from our Joint Account and Disappeared” – Ronke*, 34

My ex-husband and I had been saving for a duplex in Lagos for four years. Every month, we would both send some money to a joint account we opened for it. I trusted the process because I was married to him; trusting him was a given until he cheated.

I found out and confronted him about it; he was very defensive and accused me of monitoring him. It was in the middle of us arguing that he told me he wanted a divorce. From where to where? After that, he left our shared apartment and withdrew ₦19 million out of the ₦20 million in our joint account. Unfortunately for me, by the time I got to the bank to find out what was going on, there was nothing left to argue about. He was gone.

My friend who’s a lawyer said I could pursue it legally. But realistically, the case would drag on for years and probably cost more than what I had lost. I had to let it go. I still think of that duplex sometimes.

2. “I Paid Her Way Through Law School, Then She Left” – Dami*, 38

I feel like people think men don’t lose anything financially in a divorce, and that’s not true. I singlehandedly funded my wife’s law degree, paid her fees, bought textbooks, an expensive laptop, and more. The plan was that once she started earning money, we’d build together.

Two months after she got called to the bar, she filed for a divorce. We had been having horrible arguments in the months leading up to her bar exams. She didn’t talk to me for a while. I didn’t think it would end in a divorce, yet here I am. No settlement could cover what I spent on her education because it wasn’t structured as a loan or investment. I was just a husband supporting his wife, so there was nothing on paper.

She’s doing well now, and I see her posts sometimes. I don’t think I regret supporting her, but I’d definitely put things in writing next time.

3. “My In-Laws Asked for a Bride Price Refund” – Ego*, 29

After my divorce, my ex’s family sent me a message through an uncle asking for the bride price. They even added extra for “inflation.” When I first saw it, I laughed till tears came out of my eyes. It was so ridiculous. I told my friends and one of them said she’d heard that some families actually pursue this legally in some states.

Mine didn’t go that far, but their audacity was mind-blowing to me. I spent two years building a home with their son, and somehow I’m the one that owes them money because I want out. I didn’t pay one kobo, but there was a lot of back-and-forth between us before they finally let it go.

4. “The Business Was in His Name, So Legally, It Was His” – Mayo*, 41

I decided to start a fashion brand in 2015. I had learnt tailoring before that, so I knew that it would work out. I told my husband, and he was happy with the idea. I designed, sourced fabric, managed the tailors, and built an online presence from scratch. My husband handled logistics and funded the business.

When we got divorced six years later, I found out that he had registered the business under his name. We didn’t plan it that way. He offered to handle the CAC registration and never added my name to the paperwork.

I had to walk away from six years of work with nothing but my portfolio and a few clients.

5. “Child Support Takes All I Earn” – Tochi*, 36

Honestly, I’m not complaining about supporting my children, because that’s a non-negotiable for me. But the arrangement my ex-wife insisted on assumed that I’d keep earning the same amount as my old salary forever. Eight months after the agreement, I lost my job. The payments continued, regardless.

I’m currently sending money that I sometimes don’t have. I have to borrow from my brother just to stay afloat and keep up. My ex says it’s not her problem, and legally, my friend says she’s right.

I love my kids more than anything, but I’m buckling under the weight of all the responsibility.

6. “I Moved Back to My Parents’ House at 33” – Cynthia*, 33

After the divorce, I had nowhere to go. The house we were living in was his family’s, so I had to move out. I packed my bags and moved back to my old room in my father’s house. I was 33 and sharing a bathroom with my brothers, who are over ten years younger than me.

It took me two years to save enough for my own place. That period humbled me in ways I can’t even explain. I wouldn’t wish it on my enemy. It’s so important for women to have their own money. If anything happens, at least you have a cushion to fall on. And trust me, everything can happen.

7. “We Split the Ajo Contributions, and I Got Less” – Joke*, 27

We were both in the same Ajo group with fifteen other couples in our estate. When we got divorced, the group had to decide how to split our contributions. Everyone was uncomfortable and understandably so, to be fair. Some of these people were our neighbours and church members. The concluding agreement was favourable to him because he had joined the group a few months before me.

Even though I had been the one paying most of the contributions for over a year, I still got less than him. After that, I left the group chat. I was actually angry that things turned out like that. I started my own savings with an app after that. I’m not mixing finances with any mad person ever again.

Next Read: Anne Njemanze On Survival, Choice, And The Power Of Empathy In A Happy Ending