One of the tenets of most religions is sexual abstinence but it’s also human to have sexual urges. In this article, five Nigerian women talk about struggling with sexual desires.
I grew up in a Christian home where sexual purity was preached all the time. I had sexual urges as a child but tried to ignore them. When I turned 18, I realised that konji na bastard and peer pressure is not child’s play. Whenever I kissed boys or did anything sexual, I feel guilty.
I tried to have sex with a guy in August but I couldn’t go through with it. The pain, the fear, the guilt, I had to tell the guy to stop. My body also stopped responding to him. I feel like if I was in a relationship with someone, it’ll be easier to let go of the guilt but I’m not ready for breakfast.
I was abused as a child and that’s how I became exposed to pornography. I became addicted to it. Being exposed to porn like that made me curious about sex but I am a Christian and I didn’t want to sin. When I turned 14, the sexual urges became worse. I talked to my friends about it and they said it was normal. I also noticed that a week before my period, the urges heighten.
I tried to control it until this year when I turned 21. I decided to rip the band-aid off and have sex. So far, I have done it twice and honestly, I feel satisfied. Not without guilt though. I have told myself now that salvation is personal and I don’t have to follow what society says. I know how to serve my God and ask for forgiveness.
I am very sexual for a person that comes from a highly religious home. Whenever I watch porn, I cry and ask God for forgiveness but I end up doing the same thing or even masturbating. I can’t orgasm more than once because whenever I cum, a wave of guilt kills the mood.
At church yesterday, someone had a prophecy about me. In my head, I was like, “So this is how my secret will come out.” I was relieved when it turned out to be something about my health. It’s like living a double life.
I grew up learning that sex outside marriage was a sin and that my virginity was a gift for my husband. No one told me about the sexual urges that come with puberty. I thought of myself as a deviant because I had sexual thoughts. I begged God to take it away from me.
At 15, I figured out how to make myself cum without touching my genitals. Whenever I orgasmed, I felt awful. I started reading about the human reproductive system and the nature of sex when I turned 19. I realised that it’s normal to think about sex because humans are sexual beings. This doesn’t make me evil or sinful.
I learned quite early that everyone struggles with sexual urges. My friends tell me about it and I experience them too. I try as much as I can not to indulge by being busy. These days, whenever I get sexual thoughts, I pray and it’s been working for me.
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