What Else Can Wike Do With 100,000 Special Assistants?

November 4, 2022

If Nigerian politicians were content creators, Rivers State governor, Nyesom Wike, would be one of the most-watched creators on the social media streets. Every new week is a new opportunity for content for Wike, from using a live band to diss Atiku Abubakar, to bullying the PDP national chairman, or showing he’s a baller by dashing ₦300 million to a handful of Lagos widows

The latest episode of the Wike Show is the appointment of the first batch of 100,000 special assistants on “Political Unit Affairs” in Rivers. According to Wike, their job description is to “work among their people and hear their views of his administration.” In other words, they should do amebo on what the Rivers streets are saying about Wike’s government. Of course, we can only guess the colour of wahala that’ll emerge if those comments are negative.

Some critics also think he’ll use these special assistants for vote buying, especially against whoever Wike doesn’t like. 

But, is the only use of these 100,000 minions special assistants opinion monitoring? Because we have some creative ideas for how Wike can use them if he’s interested.

Backup singers for his live band

Wike could make these 100,000 special assistants the latest addition to his live band for diss tracks. The band has already made phenomenal hit songs, from “As e dey sweet us, e dey pain dem” to “Wike na bigi man.” They have great potential to top Asake and co on the music charts.

New hires for his research team

With the way Wike dishes out interesting scandals on the PDP chairman on a steady basis, we believe there must be a secret research team giving him all the dirt. If the team is ever in need of fresh hands, these new guys can definitely help.

Content strategists for his battle against Atiku

Since Atiku named the governor of Delta State, Ifeanyi Okowa, as his vice-presidential candidate, Wike has been a wrecking ball to all of his campaign efforts. From calling him out as a “fake founding father” and even calling his supporters “attack dogs,” Wike has targeted Atiku like a hunter would target his prey. 

But it’s only human to run out of steam, even if you’re Wike. That’s why the governor needs these special assistants to back him up with fantastic Atiku comebacks every week. Two heads are better than one, so imagine what 100,001 heads can do.

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