The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
Mide has always wondered what kind of future awaits her as a foreign language student in Nigeria, so when she got the opportunity to move to France during COVID-19 as a teenager, she took it. In this story, she shares how that decision pushed her into depression and changed her life forever.
Where do you live, and when did you move out of Nigeria?
I currently live in France, and I left Nigeria in 2020.
France is an interesting choice
It is, but I studied French at the university, and I minored in German. I saw some of my senior colleagues move to Germany, so I’ve always known Europe was an option because there are more options for me there as a foreign language student.
I’ve always wanted to practice what I learnt in school, even if that meant furthering my education outside the country to perfect it. I planned to go to Europe, study there, and return to work at the French or German embassy in Nigeria.
But my plans changed when someone sent me a French teaching assistant opportunity on WhatsApp. At first, I thought it was fake because people don’t just send opportunities that will change your life to you on a platform like WhatsApp. I thought it was a child trafficking tactic. But I didn’t have anything to lose, so I applied. It was during COVID, but the organisers got the approval to bring everyone chosen for the opportunity to France as long as we could prove that we had gotten tested and vaccinated.
What was it like moving across continents during COVID?
It was scary, even for my parents. I didn’t meet the others selected for the opportunity before I left, so I had to travel alone. I was still a teenager then, so it took a lot for my parents to let me make that decision, but they let me go since my visa was only valid for eight months.
So, how did you end up staying in France?
There were fifteen of us chosen for the opportunity. Most of us returned to Nigeria after our contract expired, but my contract was renewed, so I returned to France. I spent another year as a teaching assistant and decided to pursue my master’s degree because that was the original goal—maybe even get a PhD.
You were doing all of this as a young adult. What was that like for you?
It was a lot, but there were some exciting parts. I was breaking down a lot during my first months here. I was in a small village that barely had black people. Movements were also prohibited because of COVID, so it was depressing. That was my first time experiencing depression. I was grateful that I was living my dream life, but I still couldn’t stop feeling depressed. I appreciate the journey because it has made me stronger now. I’ve gone through some difficult things here that I would never have if I hadn’t built some strength from that experience.
I’m sorry you went through that. I hope life is better now
I’m still figuring it out. But life has gotten better. I have an apartment and some friends. Sometimes, I feel like I haven’t achieved anything, but I’m grateful for where I’m at. Things are never entirely the same when you’re not in your own country.
How so?
Honestly, I don’t even know where to start. For instance, the emotional side is the lack of a real sense of belonging. From the outside, people think I’m doing great. I’ve had people tell me they see me as a role model. Some have even moved to France because they saw my story online, but I’m just like everyone else; I struggle too. I had big dreams: move abroad at a certain age, finish my studies, and build a life. When those dreams keep getting delayed or feel out of reach, it weighs on you.
Another struggle here is that you’re constantly reminded you’re an immigrant, no matter how long you have stayed. You’re reminded that you’ll always be at the bottom of the ladder. It’s frustrating, but returning home is not a solid option either. I studied French, so I don’t have many options if I return home, except probably teaching French in a secondary school. Most of us who study French dream of working at the embassy, but the embassy isn’t recruiting, and even when they are, they often bring in their own people from abroad. You can’t just show up and become an ambassador.
So yeah, going back means starting from scratch. That’s why I’m here, just pushing through.
I’m so sorry. I hope you have friends who are supporting you in this phase
I’m still figuring that part out, to be honest. I still don’t feel like I have a solid group. I’m someone who knows many people. I’m friendly, like to host, and say “come over, let’s hang out,” but I’ve learned that not everyone you call a friend sees you as one.
I used to call people my friends quickly, but over time, I realised I was more like their go-to person. When people need help or information, they remember me, but I’m not really at the top of my mind in terms of emotional connection or friendship. I’ve come to accept that.
I go to church, where I’ve found maybe two or three people I can call friends—people who actually care. Outside of that, I’m part of Nigerian groups in my city; I even organise some of them. But it’s not a big deal because I like being alone.
What were some of the culture shocks you experienced when you first moved to France?
The first was realising that someone could decide not to like you for no reason. And worse, you could greet them, and they wouldn’t respond. It made me sad when I first arrived, mainly because it was during COVID, and I was already feeling isolated. I kept thinking, “Why are people not nice?”
Now that I’ve been here for five years, I can say that there are friendly people in France, but there are also people who are just not nice, and they don’t care. They’ll maintain their nasty attitude, no matter how kind or respectful you are. I had to learn to adjust.
Another shock was the fake smiles. You see people smiling at you on buses, trains, everywhere, but you know it’s not genuine. It used to scare me, but now I do it too.
Another cultural thing that shocked me was how French people are around money. They do not play with money. Even if they invite you for lunch or coffee, always come prepared to pay for yourself. I experienced this on my very first day. My supervisor came to pick me up from the train station.
Before taking me to my apartment, she said she wanted to stop at the store and asked if I wanted to buy anything since it was a weekend.I said yes, thinking I’d just grab a few things for the noodles I brought from Nigeria and planned to cook that night. When we got to the store, she put her groceries down first at the checkout, and I put mine down behind hers. I didn’t even realise I was supposed to use that demarcation tool to separate our items. Next thing I knew, she picked it up herself and told the cashier our payments were separate.
The stuff I picked didn’t even cost up to five euros. I had my cash and wasn’t expecting her to pay, but how she rushed to clarify that she wasn’t paying for my items shocked me. Back home in Nigeria, if my mum was hosting someone who had just arrived, even if she wouldn’t be responsible for their finances long-term, she’d at least try to help them settle in.
That day was a wake-up call. The next day, I had to meet another supervisor at a café, and I carried my money in my purse. Lesson learnt.
LMAO. On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you in France right now?
That’s a tricky one. I don’t want to sound ungrateful and say something like a 1 or 2 and have people say, “Why don’t you just go back home then?” But if I’m being honest, it depends on when you’d ask me.
When I first moved, I’d probably have said 7 or 8, mainly because I missed my family and felt lonely in the middle of nowhere. Later, when I moved to a bigger city, I might’ve said 8.
Considering everything I’ve been through, how much I’ve grown, and all the challenges, I’d say maybe a 5 or 6. I’m grateful for how far I’ve come and for God’s help, but I wouldn’t say I’m at a 10. Not yet.
Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT).
