A Crash Course On When To Faint Like A Nigerian Politician

July 20, 2020

Let’s start from here:

Nigerian politicians have a history of fainting at court hearings and getting away with their bad behavior. So, we the good people of Zikoko came up with scenarios where you can also get away with this tactic in your daily life.

Here are a few:

1) When your girlfriend catches you cheating.

Action!

Fainting man. Zikoko Half-naked

2) When your oga asks you why you’re late to work.

You know the drill.

3) If your tailor doesn’t want to release your cloth on time.

Faint on their neck my dear.

4) When you attend a party and jollof passes you.

Repeat the above.

5) Quick, go to your bank branch today and faint.

Maybe they’ll finally stop charging card maintenance fee.

6) If Canada doesn’t give you a visa, you know what to do.

If you know, you know.

7) When people at home call for black tax.

Off the light and faint my dear.

8) When next your landlord increases your rent, show yourself.

Add a little bit of display and saliva to sell it.

9) Anytime your parents ask when you’ll get married.

FAINT ON THEIR HEAD.

10) If anyone asks about your plans for the future, repeat the action plan above.

You are welcome.

Hassan Yahaya

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

January 22, 2021

FGM (Female Genital Mutilation) is also known as female circumcision and it is the cutting of some or all of the external female genitalia. It has been criminalized in some countries, but not all. Unfortunately, there have been millions of women who have been victims of this act. Six African women talk about their experience […]

Recommended Quizzes

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

More from Citizen

January 13, 2021

On Tuesday, January 12, 2021, the Ministry of Finance, Budget, and National Planning presented the approved 2021 budget to the public via a virtual conference call. If you missed it, here are a few things we think you will be interested in.  1. How will Nigeria finance the budget deficit? Finance Minister Zainab Ahmed said […]

January 1, 2021

Abroad Life has a special place in my heart. I’m always super happy to speak to people about their lives and how living abroad has changed the way they view things. It’s also really great to hear people’s stories and see foreigners through the eyes of Nigerians. Today, I’m going to be sharing the most […]

December 28, 2020

On December 20, a video of Mrs Deborah Okezie, mother to Don Davis, an 11-year-old JSS1 student of Deeper Life High School, Uyo, was sexually molested and starved at school surfaced on the internet. In the video, Mrs Okezie lamented about her son’s status. “They [senior students] will remove his boxer and push their legs and hands into his anus,” she said. “Look at a child I sent to school,” she adds, “he came back with a broken anus.”

December 25, 2020

Today’s subject on Abroad Life talks about how she moved from Kaduna to Abeokuta to Lagos then Budapest while searching for a better quality of life. She doesn’t think Hungary is much better than Nigeria, but she’s satisfied there. Let’s start with Nigeria. Where did you grow up? I grew up in Abeokuta state. I’m […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X