I was looking to speak with people about how their end-of-year traditions affect their finances when I found Chike (33).
He talks about his yearly tradition of spending all his savings on his community in December and why he intends to keep doing that regardless of the economic situation.
As told to Boluwatife
Image: Zikoko. Model is not affiliated with the story.
When I think of family, I don’t just consider my parents or siblings. For me, family is the small town where I spent most of my formative years. That’s because the people in my hometown practically raised me.
My primary school class teacher once assumed my elderly neighbour was my grandmother because she was always around to pick me up after school. My teacher only realised we weren’t related when my mum told her my grandma had passed away. I spent my evenings after school in the house of one neighbour or the other, doing homework with their children or playing on the streets.
I addressed every adult as “mummy” or “daddy,” and I was always running errands for one mummy or helping one daddy carry his harvest from the farm. In my town, there was no such thing as reporting disrespectful children to their parents — anyone could call an erring child to order or punish the child if need be.
When my dad died when I was 10 years old, our church gathered money to pay for my school fees. After I finished secondary school, another member of my community connected me to the man who took me in and taught me the electronics trade I currently sell. I owe my community my life, so it’s only natural for me to give back. December is the best opportunity to do that.
I’ve been giving back since I was an apprentice. I didn’t receive a salary, but I made sure to save any extra money I got from helping my oga make a sale or whenever he gave me and my fellow apprentices money for the weekend. I started my apprenticeship in 2015, and by December of that year, I’d saved ₦35k. I used ₦15k to travel to my hometown and the remaining money to buy two bags of rice, which I shared with my community.
I was an apprentice for six years, and each year, I saved money for the sole purpose of spending it in my hometown in December. I didn’t mind eating once a day or never buying anything new for myself as long as I had something reasonable to give my family. The end of the year was the only time I had to visit my mum and siblings and spend time with my community; I couldn’t exactly show up empty-handed.
My December trips have become something of a tradition over the years. My finances have been better since I opened my own electronics shop in 2022. In a good month, I make up to ₦100k in profits. In not-so-good months, I still make at least ₦50k. My lifestyle hasn’t changed much, though.
Save for finally being able to afford an apartment and feed myself, I hardly spend on anything else apart from my family. I send my mum and siblings at least ₦30k every month and try to save ₦30k monthly. Sometimes, I save more than that. I spend all my savings at the end of the year, plus any extra money from my business, on my December trips — usually between ₦300k and ₦500k. I use the money to buy foodstuff to share with my community, and sometimes, I give cash gifts to people in need.
It has been more difficult to save this year because of inflation and the bad economy. There’s also the concern about transportation costs hitting the roof because of increased fuel prices, but no matter how much it costs, I must travel home.
I may not be able to give out as much money as I normally do this year because I’ve only been able to save ₦150k. But I don’t mind starving or borrowing money to travel. I can’t imagine missing out on a December trip. What’s the point of hustling if I can’t travel home at the end of the year?
My family has raised concerns about how much I spend when I visit. They’re not against me helping people, but they think I need to balance it with doing more things for myself. I understand their concerns, but I don’t think the money I give others would’ve led to any major change in my life.
It’s not like I can buy a car with ₦500k. I also can’t save for a car because it’s not possible to save for so long without touching my savings for one thing or the other. So, it’s better I contribute to someone else’s life. If there’s one thing I believe, it’s that a good turn deserves another. I know I can’t be stranded because someone will surely come through for me if I ever need help one day.
I know the economy will only get worse in the coming years. It’s basically a reminder for me to double my hustle so I can earn more and be able to give more. But for me to stop spending money in December? That’s not possible.
Get more stories like this and the inside gist on all the fun things that happen at Zikoko straight to your inbox when you subscribe to the Zikoko Daily newsletter. Do it now!
[ad]
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been in your relationship?
We clocked two years in September.
Tell me the story of how you met
We met at the school where I teach. I’d just gotten the job, and Beatrice came to school to pay some fees for her younger sister, who was my student. The bursar wasn’t around, and I noticed her walking up and down the corridor in frustration. So, I offered to collect the money and make the payments on her behalf so she could go home.
I collected her number to send the receipt to her— I didn’t need to because I also gave the receipt to her younger sister— and we started talking regularly. I told myself I wouldn’t ask her out because she’d just received her NYSC call-up letter to Lagos. I didn’t want a long-distance relationship, but somehow, we started dating two months after meeting in school.
What was that like, starting a long-distance relationship?
We had a lot of communication issues at first. Beatrice likes calls and several messages throughout the day, which was strange to me. I’ve dated other women, and they were all fine with one call a day. Beatrice wanted me to call in the morning and after every class.
She also expected me to text her every detail about my day. It was too much work to do all that and teach, so we argued a lot. We even broke up four months into the relationship — she accused me of being nonchalant after an argument. I tried to explain that I couldn’t handle work and all those things she wanted at the same time, but she just broke down crying.
I told her it’s best if we ended things if she wasn’t happy with me. She got angry and blocked me. We settled and got back together three weeks later when she returned to Abuja to visit her family.
The arguments have reduced, but she complains once in a while that I don’t call or say sweet things as much as she expects. I don’t know how to do those things, but I’m trying, and she has learnt to accept me like that. We’re also still long-distance, even though she finished NYSC in 2023.
Did she stay back in Lagos?
Yeah. Beatrice has been interested in working at a tech startup since she was in university, and she says there aren’t many of them in Abuja. She works with one now and earns ₦150k/month. I’m happy for her because it’s her dream and we’ve agreed that I’ll move to Lagos. I’m currently looking for a job in Lagos.
Meanwhile, we try to see each other every two to three months, and we take turns going back and forth. But this year, Beatrice has done most of the travelling because she lives with an uncle, and whenever I travel to Lagos, we have to stay in a hotel or my friend’s place. We have more freedom when she comes to Abuja because we can just stay in my house, and she also gets to see her family.
Who handles these travel expenses?
We split the costs. If I travel to Lagos, I pay my transport fare, and she pays for the hotel. When she travels, she pays for one leg of the trip, and I pay for her return trip. I also handle food and date expenses in Lagos and Abuja.
I tried to limit Beatrice’s travel this year because transportation has become so expensive. In early 2023, ₦30k could take me to Lagos and back to Abuja. Now, one trip alone is between ₦32k – ₦37k. I told Beatrice that the expenses were too much, but she only heard, “I don’t want you to come”.
That’s another subject we often argue about. Beatrice wants grand gestures like me travelling down to surprise her or taking her everywhere when we see each other. But these things cost money I don’t have. My ₦80k salary hardly does anything, and I have to hustle for home lessons to make a little extra, but my girlfriend wants me to get her the world.
I believe love can still be shown in the little things, like showing concern about your personal and professional growth, praying together, and being loyal. But if I’m not spending money or doing those Instagram-worthy shows of affection, I’m not doing enough.
Hmmm. Have you tried talking about this with her?
I have, but it just leads to arguments, so I keep quiet. However, one topic I won’t relax my stand on is girlfriend allowance. A few months after we started dating, Beatrice started hinting at me giving her an allowance so she wouldn’t have to ask me for money. I shut it down very fast.
I don’t believe in girlfriend allowance. Am I paying you to be my girlfriend? I understand supporting my woman with money when she needs it. But have I even settled my own life that I’m paying someone else a salary? Beatrice has referenced the matter several times, but I won’t budge. I think we still talked about it shortly after she landed her job. I had to tell her, “Babe, you earn more than me. You live with someone for free, but I’m borrowing money to pay rent. If anything, you should be giving me an allowance.”
Thankfully, she doesn’t insist whenever we talk about it, but I wish she’d stop. It’s a turn-off for me.
Do you ever give her money?
I give her the occasional ₦5k for data every other month. The major relationship expenses happen whenever we see each other. That’s when I’m spending like ₦30k on dates, ₦10k on cab rides or buying her one ₦15k dress that she really likes. She also buys me stuff, though. I can just be in school, and a rider will call me to say that Beatrice sent me food or bought me clothes for work.
You said something about borrowing money to pay rent earlier
Yeah. See, times are hard and my salary doesn’t do enough to protect me from how crazy expensive things are in Abuja. I try to save ₦15k monthly to meet my ₦180k part of the rent for the apartment I share with my friend, but I sometimes use my savings when Beatrice comes around.
So, I often have to borrow from my elder brother or loan apps. Beatrice doesn’t know I use the loan apps. I promised her I’d stop after they sent her a message threatening her to make me pay my debt last year. But the apps come through for me in emergencies, so I have no choice.
What do future plans look like for you both?
Right now, it’s a little hazy. I have to get a job in Lagos first before I can think about a future. I don’t even know how I’ll handle accommodation if that job comes, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. I know Beatrice wants to get married in 2026, but if I’m not earning at least ₦500k by then, that might not happen. ₦500k is even small considering this economy, but at least I can start a family with that.
Have you considered your ideal financial future as a couple?
It’s to get enough money to japa. Beatrice has family in the UK and always talks about settling in the UK one day. I don’t mind because I’m tired of Nigeria. I just don’t know when I’ll be able to afford it.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
Get more stories like this and the inside gist on all the fun things that happen at Zikoko straight to your inbox when you subscribe to the Zikoko Daily newsletter. Do it now!
[ad]
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
Did you know that 900,000+ Nigerians are buying and selling Bitcoin on Yellow Card? You can buy as little as 2,000 NGN worth of BTC.
Yellow Card is very easy to use and has the best rates on the market, low fees, and top-notch security. Join Now!
When did you first realise the importance of money?
Secondary school, and it was in the context of how people treat each other. I went to an international school, a typical rich kid setting, and the students used money as a popularity yardstick. It was like, “Why should I talk to you if you can’t afford to buy XYZ?”
It was the first time I saw something like that, and it seemed brutal. I didn’t understand why it mattered that people couldn’t afford certain things.
Did you also fall into this category? I mean, not being as rich as the others?
Oh no. I grew up comfortable. My parents are civil servants who own businesses on the side, and we’ve vacationed abroad at least once a year since I was in primary school. Money was never a problem, but I consider myself naturally empathetic, so my classmates’ attitude bothered me.
Plus, my parents didn’t teach me to look down on people based on what they could or couldn’t afford. They’re firm believers of moderation and humility, so my sister and I knew early that mummy and daddy would never throw money at you. They provided the basics. If I needed extra money, I worked for it.
It’s safe to assume you started working early for money then?
Yes, I made money for the first time in primary 4. My sister and I learnt how to make beaded bracelets by watching videos on the internet, and we convinced our parents to buy us the beads and other materials we needed. Initially, we only made bracelets for each other. But we wore them to school, and our classmates liked them, so we decided to sell them.
Each bracelet cost about ₦150 to make, and I sold them for ₦300 – ₦350, depending on the style and whether or not I included charms. My aunty lived with us, so she helped us keep money aside for the materials. My sister and I shared whatever profit remained. We did that business for about a year. By then, almost everyone in our classes had a bracelet, so there was no market anymore.
Oh wait, I just remembered I had a month-long stint reselling snacks in my class before the bracelets thing. I noticed some people came to school with money instead of food, and there was this big shop close to my house that sold snacks. So, I bought snacks from the shop and sold them in class for a ₦50 profit.
I’m trying and failing to picture a 9-year-old logging around snacks
Haha. I always went to the shop with my aunty, and she helped with the buying. The snacks were popular with my classmates because they cost a little less than the ones sold in the school shops, but the ₦50 profit was small. So, I stopped and moved on to the bracelets instead.
Why the need to try businesses so early though?
I liked the idea of having my own money. The bracelet thing was basically turning a skill into a money-making opportunity. My parents are also business-oriented, so they encouraged my sister and me to explore as much as possible.
I entered secondary school in 2014 and resumed the snacks business. Unlike me, most of my classmates were boarding students, and the tuck shop didn’t have much variety. My parents gave me a ₦1500 weekly allowance, so I used part of that to buy snacks from home and sell them in school.
My profit margin was greater this time around, and I made at least ₦150 on every item. In a week, I could make up to ₦2k in profit, and I spent my money on food and gifts for family and friends. I did the business between JSS 2 and SS 1, then I stopped because the school banned boarding students from buying food outside the tuck shop.
I graduated from secondary school in 2020, but I was forced to remain at home for two years due to the pandemic and plenty ASUU strikes. So, while I waited for school, I sold tote bags and other accessories.
How did that work?
I opened an Instagram page and began advertising the tote bags, scrunches, and pillowcases I made myself. I took a sewing class once in secondary school, and I’m quite creative, so it wasn’t that difficult to learn. YouTube also helped a lot.
However, sales weren’t regular. I only sold to a few of my friends and some people online. I can’t even remember what the profit was like because I could sell something once a month and then go weeks without selling anything. I eventually stopped the business in 100 level. My parents gave me a ₦40k monthly allowance, so I just relied on that.
In 200 level, my allowance increased to ₦100k, and I decided it was time to take my finances seriously. The inspiration to get serious with money came from an Instagram financial influencer. She talked a lot about investments and financial management, so I followed her and took a bunch of financial courses she recommended. Most were free, and they were about understanding the stock market and other investment channels.
I’ve always been about making money, but this influencer’s page motivated me to think more about my finances and how to attain financial stability and independence rather than just making quick money. So, since 2023, I’ve been saving half of my allowance and investing some of it in stocks.
What kind of stocks?
US and Nigerian stocks, and sometimes I invest in dollars. Before I bought my first stocks, I tested the waters with a dollar investment. I put $10 in a fintech app and sold it two months later when the exchange rate increased. I made a ₦15k profit on that.
Then, I moved to a brokerage service and put $20 on low-risk stocks because I was wary of losing money. My parents didn’t even support my investment plans — an uncle once lost money to the MMM scam, and I guess they assumed it meant all investments weren’t trustworthy.
I still continued sha. I have about $120 in stocks right now, but that value increases and decreases depending on market conditions. I’m thinking about the stocks as long-term investments, so I’m leaving my profit to accumulate. I also save in savings apps. Currently, my savings and investment portfolio is worth ₦1.2m.
Not bad. Do you still live on allowances?
For the most part, yes. I’m in 200 level, but I also do a bunch of different things to make money. One of them is personal shopping, which I started early this year. My classmates always complimented my fashion taste and asked where I got my pieces, so I decided to make a business out of it.
So, I help people buy clothes — either what they ask me to get something specific or I just buy if I see anything nice and resell it to them. Sometimes, I outsource styles to a tailor and sell the outfits to my clients. I made at least a ₦1500 profit on clothes I buy from the market and resell.
I don’t really have a steady client base yet, but people come to me occasionally, and I make some money here and there.
I also make money from makeup modelling gigs. I started in 2020 after secondary school and worked with an agency. I left the agency in 2022 because of the bad pay. I got ₦5k per gig, and after removing the agent’s commission and my transportation costs, I was often left with ₦1500 as profit. It didn’t make sense, so I went freelance. It’s been a while since I got gigs, sha.
Voiceover gigs are my most recent venture. A friend needed someone to read two scripts a few months ago, so I did that and got paid ₦6k. I also do a bit of scriptwriting and content creation for a little extra cash here and there.
Seems like you’re bent on trying everything
I just want to build wealth as early as possible. I believe the earlier I start, the faster I can build something like a business empire. The goal is to be financially free and afford a good life. By good life, I mean being able to travel at least two or three times a year. I plan to keep saving and investing till I can do that.
Is it safe to assume the plan after uni is to start working on that empire?
Exactly. I intend to start businesses tailored to my various interests. My friends tease me about being a jack of all trades and never sitting down in one place. But if I’m good at many things, shouldn’t I just do everything?
That said, I like fashion, so I’ll most likely work towards creating a fashion brand where I’ll provide styling services, clothing, and accessories. I also love cooking, so I might start a cooking business, too. I’m always scouring YouTube for recipes and recreating them. I’ll probably end up doing both fashion and food and creating content for both brands.
But short term, I plan to buy land with my savings next year and start a maize farm. I’m thinking of maize because it’s such a versatile crop, and from my findings, it’s also profitable. I’m still working out how it’ll run though. Of course, I’ll have to hire a trusted person to manage it on my behalf, as school won’t let me be more hands-on.
I’m not really focused on a 9-5 job because I see how hard my parents still work at their businesses, even while employed. So, I’m not thinking about making money only within the confines of a job. I’ll still run a business even if I’m employed.
Let’s talk about your current monthly expenses
I plan my expenses using my allowance. Anything extra I get from side gigs is just a plus. So, my allowance typically goes like this:
Savings – ₦50k
Data, food and other personal needs – ₦50k
I split my monthly savings into investments and a savings app. ₦25k goes into stocks and dollars, and I save the remaining ₦25k. I don’t have a budget for transportation —my parents bought me a car last semester to make my commute easier, and they pay for the fuel.
How would you describe your relationship with money?
I think I have two extremes with my finances. Sometimes, I spend aggressively, and other times, I save aggressively. But whenever I’m in that spending state, I make sure not to touch my savings.
What was your last “aggressive” purchase?
I swapped my iPhone 13 for an iPhone 16 and got some new clothes for content. To be fair, I only paid for the clothes. The phone swap cost ₦1.2m, and my dad paid that.
Is there anything you want right now but can’t afford?
A bigger ring light and tripod for content creation. I’m still trying to justify whether I actually need to get new ones since I already have a small tripod and ring light. So I haven’t looked at the prices yet.
How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?
7.5. I’m okay right now, but I can do so much better. I’m on the right path.
If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.
Before you argue for or against POS agents, you might want to read Gbolahan’s* story first.
He talks about navigating assumptions about POS agents being opportunistic, wanting people to be more understanding and why he intends to stick with the business.
As told to Boluwatife
Image: Zikoko
I’ve been in the POS business for about three years now, and while carrying out online payment transactions for money wasn’t exactly my dream job, it pays my bills. At least I’m making money in an honest way, and I need Nigerians to respect that.
My POS business has saved my life in more ways than one. In addition to being my primary source of income, it has helped me develop a sense of self-worth and independence. My parents are poor people who have struggled all their lives and often rely on the generosity of others to survive, always looking for the next “helper” to bless them. So, subconsciously, I also grew up with that mentality.
After classes, my friends and I would hang around the supermarket opposite my secondary school to hail the customers who drove in to buy stuff, hoping they’d dash us money. I learned to size people up and guess how much they had so I could determine how well to greet them. When I wasn’t doing that, I was directing traffic at owambe parties so the drivers could find their way out and hopefully give me the random ₦100.
I actively participated in giveaways before they became a thing on Twitter. In my polytechnic, I attended several fellowships not because I was interested in God but because the executives often held airtime giveaways and sometimes shared food to encourage people to join the fellowship.
I was also the “urgent ₦2k” guy to my friends, often asking for one financial help or the other. I realised people had begun to know me for constantly begging when my classmates shared one of those anonymous message links on our department WhatsApp group so we’d shade each other for fun. One person said something like, “If a week goes by without Gbolahan asking for money, heaven can come down.” Everyone laughed, and I acted like it was funny, but it really pained me.
So, as soon as I finished my OND in 2021, I decided to look for whatever means possible to make my own money. I’m sure my mum expected me to return to school for my HND the following year, but it just wasn’t possible.
I’d barely managed to pay my OND school fees by begging family members and gathering whatever money I made from the owambe food server gigs I got during the weekends. I knew no one was going to sponsor me to school. It was better to hustle to make money rather than get a certificate I’d now struggle to get a job with after school.
That’s how I started my POS business. It took me only about ₦20k to apply for the machine and register, but my mum still had to borrow ₦150k from a microfinance bank for me. The extra cash was so I’d have something to deposit in my wallet and have some money at hand to give customers.
Business has been good. I make up to ₦10k on a very good day and no longer need to beg anyone to survive. I even repaid half of the amount my mum borrowed for me to start the business while she paid the balance. I can now afford to drop money for food at home and buy myself clothes.
I’m very proud of my work and always encourage people to start the business too. The only downside is that most people make it seem like we’re wicked opportunists who are using our fellow Nigerians to make money.
There’s nothing my ears didn’t hear during the cash scarcity last year. I was waking up as early as 4 a.m. to queue at bank ATMs to collect cash because, scarcity or not, I had to do my business. Even with that, I still had to buy cash from market women, fuel attendants and drivers because the ATM withdrawal limit was only ₦20k. There was a time during the scarcity that I bought ₦10k cash for ₦2k.
Of course, after going through all that to get cash, I had to increase my transaction charges to make a profit. But people just thought I was being wicked and choosing to take advantage of the situation. I remember getting the insult of my life from an old woman because I charged her ₦2k to withdraw ₦10k cash. Another one accused me of hoarding cash when I said I didn’t have any to give her.
The cash scarcity issue has gone, but people still treat POS agents somehow. A few months ago, I had some issues with my kiosk location, so I moved it to just in front of a bank in my area that’s known for always having issues with its ATM. When people come to the ATM and can’t get cash, they have to patronise me. A few people have complained about this while withdrawing cash from me, as if I’m the one who spoilt the ATM.
I also see people come online to talk as if POS agents are destroying banks. Some even say the authorities should ban us. Imagine. Instead of facing the government and making them explain why it’s more difficult to get cash now, we’re blaming people who are just trying to survive.
We’re simply filling a vacuum caused by the different policies the government and banks are implementing. I wish people would understand this and appreciate that POS agents are even making it easier for them to access their money. You can’t please everybody sha.
I don’t have any other business ideas for now, so I’ll stick to my POS. If I stop it, who will feed me? Nigerians should just leave me alone.
Get more stories like this and the inside gist on all the fun things that happen at Zikoko straight to your inbox when you subscribe to the Zikoko Daily newsletter. Do it now!
[ad]
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
We met in 2019 but started dating in 2022. We’ve been together for two years.
What changed between 2019 and 2022?
A lot. Luke had actually shown interest in a romantic relationship since 2019. We met when a bus conductor who owed us change “joined” us and gave us ₦500 to split. Luke was supposed to get ₦300; mine was ₦200.
I joked about him leaving his change for me, and he said he would if I gave him my number. I did, and he started calling regularly, talking about how he fell in love at first sight. But my heart was still with my on-and-off boyfriend at the time, and I was trying to hold on to see if the guy would one day be ready for a committed relationship.
That ended with me getting pregnant and the guy finally running away.
Yikes. Sorry about that
Honestly, I don’t blame anybody. I knew the guy was a goat, but I let emotions get the better of me. The minute I realised I was pregnant, I began mentally preparing myself to be a single mum. I wanted the baby — which didn’t make sense because I was a fresh NYSC graduate with no job. But abortion didn’t come to my mind.
Of course, Luke didn’t know and was calling me up and down. I just stopped picking up his calls and focused on how I’d provide for my child. Thankfully, I lived — I still do — with my supportive parents. They encouraged me to learn fashion design, which I did between 2019 and 2020.
After the lockdown, I converted the front of my parents’ house into a shop and started my business. Clients came in slowly, but I consider myself very creative, and people began to see that too. By 2021, I had a few steady clients. My parents helped look after my child whenever I was busy, and I didn’t feel overwhelmed.
It was around this time that Luke called again. I was surprised to see his call because he’d gotten the message and stopped calling some months back. I picked that day, and he was like, I just came to his mind, and he thought to reach out. That’s how we started talking again. I told him why I stopped picking his calls then, and surprisingly, he didn’t run away. He even wanted to see my child.
Aww. Did that contribute to you finally saying “yes” to a relationship?
It definitely changed how I saw Luke; it increased my respect for him. But he didn’t even talk about a relationship right away. We reconnected and were friends for a few months before love entered the subject.
I didn’t delay my “yes” this time around because I felt he was making an informed decision; he knew about my past and knew my child would always be part of my future. I assumed that, for him to show interest, especially with all he knew about me, he was ready to be a father. It seemed like the cherry on top. This was someone I’d grown to love, and he wanted to be with (all of) me too. I felt like I’d hit the jackpot.
That sounds like the relationship hasn’t been everything you expected
To be fair, Luke has been good to me. Last year, he paid ₦80k for me to do a short fashion design course to add to my knowledge. He’s also friendly with my child and has introduced me to his mother.
The only slight negative is that he doesn’t believe he should be financially responsible for my child, which has led to many arguments.
What kind of arguments?
We fight over me expecting him to be involved with my child’s needs. It’s not that I expect him to take on the entire responsibility. I just expect that he buys a few things for the child once in a while or even contribute something small to the school fees. But he has made it clear that he has no business spending money on my child.
When we first started dating, he visited me at home and brought fruits for my parents. You know children na. My child started jumping, asking, “Uncle, what did you buy for me?” Luke said, “Don’t worry, Grandpa will buy something for you.” When I asked him why he didn’t buy sweets or biscuits, knowing a child was at home, he got offended. He made it seem like we’d just started dating, and I was dictating to him what to do with money.
I accepted that I shouldn’t have asked like that and apologised. But over time, I’ve realised he deliberately doesn’t want to be financially involved. I was broke when my child needed to start school last year and asked him to help me with ₦50k to complete the fees. He was like, “That’s how it starts. Very soon, you’ll expect me to pay school fees.”
I was so angry that I lashed out, and we didn’t talk for two days. Eventually, he apologised but still insisted it was not his place to provide for my child. I asked if that would still be the case if we got married, and he said yes.
Really?
Yes. Though, I didn’t take him seriously. I thought he was just trying to protect himself. We hadn’t really talked about marriage before then, and I guessed it was just him avoiding having to spend on one girlfriend’s child when we might end up breaking up.
But, for a few months now, we’ve started talking about marriage seriously. Luke says he hopes for an early 2025 wedding, and while I’m excited about that, I’m also worried that his stance hasn’t changed. I asked him again if he was serious about me paying for everything related to my child, and he confirmed it because “the child’s real father can come any day.”
That’s a major problem for me. If I marry him and have his own children, he’ll probably treat them better than mine. Or if I can only afford a public school for this child, would my children attend different schools? I’m just confused.
Hmm. What’s Luke’s financial situation?
He’s a lawyer, and I think he earns ₦300k. I’m not sure because it’s been a while since he told me, and I try not to ask, especially because I talk about this issue with my child’s finances. I don’t want it to be like I’m only interested in his money.
What other money conversations do you both have besides your child’s finances?
Luke is quite intentional about financial discipline. He’s always talking about the need to have emergency savings. Because of him, I joined a ₦20k monthly ajo contribution in 2023. I used my share to buy an electric sewing machine. I’m due to collect again next month, and I’ll probably just save it in my savings app till I figure out what to do with it.
I also help Luke make some financial decisions. He talks to me about his needs, and we discuss when to make certain expenses. For instance, he wanted to rent an apartment some months ago because he was tired of sharing his with a roommate. But I encouraged him to wait until the wedding was close so he could get a bigger apartment. And he agreed.
How do you both budget for relationship expenses?
I’m not sure we actually budget. We go on dates at least once a month. Other times, we just stay indoors, and I cook. Luke handles the expenses when we go on dates; I buy the foodstuff to cook when we stay indoors.
We also gift each other on birthdays. For my last birthday, he bought me an Infinix phone, and I bought him a ₦25k pair of shoes.
Have you considered how you’ll handle wedding expenses?
I’m still having second thoughts about whether a wedding will happen. Luke’s financial responsibility for my child is a big issue for me. I’ll still bring it up again with him. If he still refuses, I’ll have to involve our parents and see how it goes from there.
But if the wedding happens, Luke should handle most of the expenses. I’ll probably pay for my outfits and makeup. That’s how we plan to run our home, too. We’ve talked about it, and Luke will handle the major home expenses while I support him.
I hope it works out. What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I’d like us to own real estate investments one day. Having a house or land property feels like the pinnacle of financial freedom to me, so I want that for us in the future.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
Get more stories like this and the inside gist on all the fun things that happen at Zikoko straight to your inbox when you subscribe to the Zikoko Daily newsletter. Do it now!
[ad]
Guess the answers correctly and share your score to show off how much you know about Nigeria. There’s a new crossword puzzle every day. Have fun!
[ad]
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
LemFi is the no. 1 mobile transfer app for sending money from the UK directly to Nigerian banks within minutes at the best rates and with zero transfer fees! Sign up today and enjoy a £5 bonus for your first transfer to Naija. Download now!
What’s your earliest memory of money?
Mostly that we didn’t have it. I was eight years old when my dad lost his job at a vehicle manufacturing company, and things became so bad. We stopped eating breakfast and moved from an estate to a face-me-I-face-you apartment.
I transferred to a government school, and I remember hating the uniform so much because my bully in our old estate had a pair of shorts in the same colour. When I refused to wear the uniform on the first day of school, my mum said I had two options: go to school or hawk pure water to provide money for the house. I relented, but I still sold pure water after school.
Wait. Really?
Yup. My mum was a housewife when my dad had a job, and when the job disappeared, my dad blamed her for not bringing any income. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure what my dad did for money after he lost his job; he was just outside the house a lot.
Anyway, my mum started a small business, collecting cold pure water on credit and hawking them. When I returned from school, she’d put a bowl on my head and tell me where to go to sell the water.
For the next two years, I hawked water every day after school. Then, one day, I got hit by a car in the market. The driver left me and ran away while I lay there surrounded by shouting passersby. I might have died if my mum hadn’t come looking for me 20 minutes later. No one tried to help.
That’s crazy
The accident caused a big fight between my parents. My dad was annoyed that he had to spend his hard-earned money on hospital bills, which wouldn’t have happened if my mum had done her duty. My mum was like, “If you were doing your own duty, would we even be here?”
I suspect the whole thing caused their separation. When I returned home from the hospital, my dad had moved out. I’d just written my common entrance exams, and my mum decided she couldn’t put me through secondary school. So, she shipped me off to live with a family friend. This was in 2004.
What was living away from home like?
Slightly better. The woman and her family basically turned me into a houseboy, but at least they gave me cornflakes or golden morn for breakfast, and I didn’t have to hawk pure water. They also enrolled me in secondary school.
But I worked in that house o. I was very small as a child, but I climbed stools to wash the husband’s car. I also washed plates and hand-washed the children’s clothes. Sometimes, the woman would rub shea butter on my hands after I’d scrub them raw from washing clothes.
I still don’t understand how only two small children went through mountains of clothes in just one week. Every time I came home from school, the laundry basket multiplied, and I had to wash them clean or risk getting flogged.
Was flogging something that happened regularly?
Yeah, but I don’t think it was more than normal. It was just the woman’s way of making sure I did things quickly. And within a few months of staying with her, I knew how to gauge her mood and do what she expected to escape the cane.
I also learned how to make money from her. I started taking out ₦10 – ₦20 whenever she sent me on errands to get money for snacks in school. By the time I got to JSS 3, I’d started selling her children’s toys in school for ₦300 – ₦500 apiece.
No one noticed because the kids had many toys. Every single day, they asked for something new, and the parents bought it. This often meant they’d abandon the old toys and only play with the new ones. Then, after a while, the parents would gather the old toys and throw them away or donate them. When I noticed that, I turned it into a business opportunity.
I only got to do that for a year. The woman’s husband died when I got into SS 1, and she told my mum to come and carry me.
What did that mean for you?
Moving back with my mum showed how much our relationship had deteriorated. She’d remarried and was more interested in keeping her husband happy. It was a toxic situation. If the man complained small, she’d beat me and warn me not to try to be stubborn. I wasn’t even trying anything.
The good thing was that they paid my school fees. I basically took care of my other needs.
How did you do that?
I got a job at a cybercafe near my school in 2009. I must’ve been very convincing because I knew next to nothing about computers, but somehow, I got the job. I helped with typing, photocopies, and basically everything people do at cybercafes.
My salary was ₦6k/month, and I often abandoned classes for work. It’s a miracle I even graduated and passed WAEC in 2010. I worked at the cybercafe till 2014. My salary was ₦8500 when I left, and I had ₦35k in savings.
Why did you leave?
Problems at home. My mum’s husband felt I was proud and acting like the man of the house. Meanwhile, I was working and staying away from home until nighttime because I didn’t want to clash with him. But he had a problem with that.
My mum asked me to go live with another family friend, but I refused. I wasn’t about to do houseboy 2.0. Instead, I told a Facebook friend about my situation, and he said I could come squat with him in his parents’ house. So, I did.
I moved in, and his parents treated me like their own. I’ll forever be grateful to that family. I’d never experienced that level of acceptance before in my life. My friend’s mum would cook and ask me to go serve myself from the pot. As how?
The first time I took my friend’s parents’ clothes to wash without anyone asking, they were so shocked — almost like they didn’t expect me to do any chores. Forget, those people tried for me. They even allowed me to use their backyard to start a laundry business in 2015.
How did you land on laundry?
My friend suggested it when I complained about being broke. He was a university student and lived at home, but he had friends in the hostel who paid “any wash” guys to take care of their laundry.
It didn’t take much to start: I hand-washed the clothes, spread them in the backyard, and ironed them. I only had to buy soap and get water from Mai Ruwa when there was no light to pump water.
My first clients were my friend’s classmates. Then, I started hustling for customers in the hostels. I charged ₦200 per clothing item and ₦250 for items like bedsheets and blankets. In a week, I made between ₦5k – ₦6k.
By 2016, I could afford a ₦35k washing machine and dryer. In 2017, I secured a ₦60k/year shop to use as a proper office. My clients also expanded to working-class people, not just students. Business was good, and I often made ₦25k/week.
What were your expenses like?
Most of my expenses were for business operations. I also began chipping in at my friend’s place, paying light bills and dropping money for food. I wasn’t buying anything for myself or splurging — maybe because I knew how much I struggled to make money. So, I saved whatever I had left.
Between 2018 and 2020, I got two more washing machines and employed an assistant to canvas for customers and help with the laundry. I paid him ₦12k/month. By then, I was sure of at least ₦80k/month.
Business slowed down in 2020 because of the pandemic, and I began looking for other options. My friend’s dad suggested I gather my savings and invest it in a certificate — for backup. School was the last thing on my mind, but I respected him a lot and couldn’t throw his advice away. Plus, he introduced me to his friend, who was a key non-academic staff member at a nursing school, so admission was sure.
But did you want nursing?
Not really, but my friend’s parents convinced me that it was a respected and lucrative profession. I wasn’t dull in secondary school, so I knew it was something I could do.
I got admission that same year and had to move because the school was in a different state. I paid about ₦200k for the form, acceptance fee, tuition, and another ₦80k for hostel fees. I sorted all of these payments from my savings. I had about ₦400k in my savings account from all the years running my business and the sale of my washing machines, so that came in handy.
How did you handle subsequent school fees, though?
It was just the grace of God because I can’t point out one thing. Nursing school was expensive; we were always buying one instrument or uniform or travelling for one clinical posting or the other. I tried to resume my laundry business by offering to wash my classmates’ clothes, but they were mostly women and washed by themselves.
I tried different hustles like writing assignments and projects, but the money I made was only enough for food. I think I still had some money in my savings to pay second-year school fees, and my friend’s dad supported me with part of it. He also sent me ₦50k for the final year school fees, and I gathered the remaining ₦50k to complete the payment.
After every every, I graduated in 2023.
Whoops! Congratulations
Thank you. The journey was tough. I returned to my friend’s parents and got a job at a hospital. My salary was ₦80k/month, and I remember asking myself, “So, I spent all that money at nursing school to come back and earn the same thing I did as a laundryman?”
But six months into the job, I got another job at a hospital that only required me to come in at night thrice a week. They paid ₦95k. I juggled both jobs till July 2024, when I got a job at an NGO for ₦405k/month.
That’s quite a jump
I still can’t believe it myself. Remember the non-academic staff member my friend’s dad introduced me to? The man took a liking to me because I never visited him empty-handed — I always went with a bottle of wine or a tie — and we kept in contact.
He told me about the job, so I applied and got it. I feel like his referral helped a great deal because I doubt a nurse with just about a year’s experience would get that kind of opportunity.
Has your income growth come with any lifestyle changes?
Honestly, I still see myself as a struggling man. I don’t spend money like someone who has it. I carefully examine my expenses and spend on myself when it’s absolutely necessary. My approach to finances is: save first, spend later.
I still live with my friend’s parents. There’s no point in renting an apartment when I don’t have a woman I want to marry. I’m hardly home because I often travel for work, and my primary work base in the north comes with free accommodation, so why get another place? Plus, the family loves having me around. All their children are grown and have moved away, and I keep them company.
However, whether I’m home or not, I send them money for feeding expenses and utility bills. I also dash them money sometimes. Considering all they’ve done for me, it’s the least I can do.
What do these expenses look like in a typical month?
My transportation expenses are low because my company pays for my travels. Sometimes, I hardly touch my salary because I get per diem allowances whenever I travel.
What do you do with your savings?
I just keep them in a savings app that yields monthly interest. Right now, I have ₦880k, and I’m considering buying a piece of land when it hits ₦1m. This should happen before the end of the year. Maybe by next year, I’ll look into other investment channels like stocks. I just want to have something solid with my money first.
How has your journey with money shaped how you view it?
Money has shaped how I view life. I used to think money was this all-powerful thing, considering how it scattered my family. But I’ve realised money is quite easy to make, as long you have value to provide in exchange for it. Of course, inflation and the economy are turning everything upside down right now, but I think the principle of value exchange still stands.
What’s something you want but can’t afford right now?
Marriage. I don’t have someone yet, but even if I did, I don’t think I have everything I need. For one, I hope to have a safety net of at least ₦2m to set up a home, and I’d also like to have started building a house before marrying a woman.
Because when a wife comes, children can come soon after. I don’t want to be caught up in the day-to-day expenses of running a household and not have resources left for a basic investment like a house.
Fair. What’s your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?
9. I never imagined I’d be where I am so soon in life. The only reason it’s not 10 is because I still have things I hope to achieve.
If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.
Inflation has generally made it more difficult to live comfortably in Nigeria, but for Faridah*, it’s robbing her of her mother’s legacy.
She talks about enjoying the fruits of her mother’s generosity to others, deciding to follow in her mother’s footsteps, and how the high cost of living might be changing her values.
As told to Boluwatife
Everyone says their mother is their hero, but I actually mean it when I say the same. My mum passed away when I was 7 years old, but her life still inspires and teaches me so much. I’ve always wanted to be like her.
I don’t have many real-life memories of my mum, but I’ve heard so many stories about her that it feels like I actually knew her. While my dad came from a wealthy family and had always known how it felt to have money, my mum didn’t come from the same privilege.
My maternal grandparents were farmers who barely made enough to feed their children and send them to school. My mum and her siblings often had to hawk plantain and corn to support the family. That experience growing up made my mum more in tune with people who also had little to live on.
So, as soon as she started making money, she began helping people around her. I’ve heard about how my mum used her nursing profession to provide free healthcare for people in the community. Sick people would come to our family house, and my mum would use her own money to buy the injections she needed to treat them.
I’ve met at least three people who said my mum helped birth them and didn’t charge their parents. If she wasn’t assisting people with free medication, she was giving them food and money. My dad constantly shares stories about how he’d give my mum money to buy a bag of rice and come home to see that my mum had shared half of the bag’s contents with our neighbours.
Or when she’d use the money meant for our foreign Christmas clothes to buy slightly cheaper ones so she could buy Christmas clothes for the neighbours’ children, too.
You only had to tell my mum you liked the necklace she had on, and she was ready to take it off and give it to you. That was the kind of woman my mother was. She died in a car accident in 2005, and I wish I had spent more time with her. My only consolation is how much her good deeds have opened doors for me all my life.
My dad told me the story of how he didn’t pay my school fees for my first three years in secondary school simply because of my mum. He lost his bank job in 2008, just as I was rounding up primary school. According to my dad, he had already started the process of getting me into a public school since he could no longer afford the private school my siblings had attended.
Then, the private school’s principal — who had been friendly with my mum — called my dad to ask why she hadn’t seen me come to resume school. My dad explained the situation, and she said, “Why will Mummy Sara’s* daughter attend a public secondary school when I’m alive?”
The principal made sure my dad enrolled me in her school and refused to collect school fees. She said my mum had done her so much good that it would be a crime not to pay it forward to her children. I’d have probably gone the whole six years not paying anything if my dad hadn’t gotten a job in another state when I finished JSS 3 and moved us away.
When I first got into uni and was trying to do my registration, one of the school staff saw my surname and asked if I was related to my mum. I confirmed, and the man practically ignored others and started attending to me. He never told me how he knew my mum, and I didn’t bother to ask.
I’m also lucky to share an uncanny resemblance with my mum. Whenever I return to our state, I already know I’ll get stopped by at least one person and asked if I’m the daughter of Mummy Sara. Prayers and stories of how my mum helped them often follow. Some even squeeze money into my hands. This doesn’t just happen to me; my siblings experience it, too.
These experiences made me decide early on that I wanted to be as generous as my mum. It’s not my first instinct to help people; I think I got that from my dad. But after my registration experience at uni, I decided I wanted to follow in my mum’s legacy. I wanted to have a name that’d open doors for my children.
[ad]
So, I began deliberately offering financial help and assistance. I lived in a school hostel for much of uni and made it a point to share my food always. Of course, sometimes I felt like my roommates took advantage of it, especially when they wouldn’t buy water and wait for me to buy for the entire room. But I refused to get angry.
I started buying food randomly for my class colleagues and recharge cards for the course rep. I was an efiwe, so I also started taking tutorial classes. My dad gave me a ₦30k monthly allowance, which hardly lasted three weeks because I made sure to lend money to anyone who complained. I also made it a tradition to visit orphanages on my birthdays and share food items with the children.
Since graduating from university, generosity has remained a big part of my life. During NYSC year, I took in two people and allowed them to live rent-free in the apartment my dad got me because they had accommodation issues. I also made it a habit to buy random gifts for my friends.
When I started working in 2022, I had to take a more streamlined approach to giving. My dad wasn’t giving me an allowance anymore, and I had to budget to survive on my ₦120k salary. But even with that, I usually budgeted at least ₦20k for random giving and loans monthly. When my salary increased to ₦250k in 2023, I increased my monthly giving budget to ₦50k.
However, I’ve had to cut back on giving since around December 2023. With transportation costs constantly increasing because of fuel prices and the drama of food costs now, I hardly retain any extra cash at the end of the month to do anything, much less be generous.
It’s funny how I comfortably lived on ₦80k – ₦100k in 2022 and still had some money left to save. But I earn more now, and it feels like I spend all my money on food, transportation, and data. Last month alone, I spent ₦90k transporting from my house in Surulere to work in Victoria Island. I spend like ₦80k just to feed myself monthly. Imagine if I wanted to share food with others.
It’s a struggle to save ₦10k monthly. My dad pays my rent, but I still have to handle utility bills and Band-A electricity tariffs, and it feels like I’m constantly struggling.
I can’t afford to buy random gifts for my friends anymore, and I’ve also had to cut down on outings. I constantly feel bad whenever someone asks me for a loan, and I have to explain that I don’t have cash to spare. Everyone understands when I say no because I’m usually generous—some even try to confirm I’m fine and whether I need money too so they can borrow for me. But it still feels like I’m not meeting people’s needs.
The worst thing is, I’m barely 26, and it already feels like I’m struggling to survive. What about when I have family responsibilities? Where will I get extra money to help people then? Maybe it was easier for my mum to extend a helping hand because money actually meant something in those days. It feels impossible to try to reach her standards with how inflation and the economy are moving these days.
I’ll keep trying my best, but it feels like an exercise in futility — no thanks to our rubbish government.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
Get more stories like this and the inside gist on all the fun things that happen at Zikoko straight to your inbox when you subscribe to the Zikoko Daily newsletter. Do it now!
The origin story of most freelancers, digital creators, remote workers and basically anyone in the gig economy is usually the same: Full-time employment stops being as fulfilling, and you suddenly realise you’re great at doing your own thing.
Then, you enter the gig economy and discover it’s a whole different ball game, and you have to handle things like:
Building a personal brand
You want potential clients and your target audience to see you as someone who knows what they’re doing, so now you have to worry about building authority in your field and constantly showing up. In other words, you have to brag about your skills even if imposter syndrome is choking you.
Figuring out how to make money
Now, people know you can do what you claim to know. But how do you start charging for it? How do you meet your first client? So many questions!
And then, not underpricing yourself
Then, you start worrying about whether you’re charging too much money or not charging enough. Thankfully, the Sentz Webinar Series — brought to you by Sentz, a global payment app designed to cater to the unique needs of the Nigerian freelance market — has sessions directed at giving creators practical knowledge about things like this. If not, how we for do?
Handling clients on your own
Clients can determine whether you make money or sleep under the bridge, so now you must learn how to manage expectations, maintain cordial relationships, and ensure they have a good enough experience to refer you to others. Not difficult at all.
Casting your client nets overseas
You’ve heard you can work with foreign clients as a creator and earn in dollars. But where exactly do you meet these clients? Will they just come? How do you manage cross-border payments? Well, the Sentz Webinar Series to the rescue again. They have several sessions that speak to these topics, and the next session is on November 8, 2024.
Being consistent
You’re still human; sometimes, you just want to rest from showing up daily. That’s why you must have strong processes in place so your brand doesn’t suffer if you take a day or two off.
Building a community
No one is an island, and this is especially true for everyone in the gig economy. You’ll need to connect with fellow freelancers and creators and update your knowledge regularly. This can be difficult to do on your own, which is why you shouldn’t miss any session in the Sentz Webinar Series.
In the last session, Adeife Adeoye, founder of Penpalms and Remote WorkHER, spoke about how to move from earning $1,000 to $10,000 as a freelancer. On Friday, November 8th, Toyosi Godwin, a freelance content writer, will share expert tips on attracting foreign clients and freelancing without borders. Click here to register now!
[ad]
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been married?
I’ve been married to my husband for 9 years.
Tell me about how you both met
A mutual friend introduced us in 2014. I was 21 and in my final year of uni, and Ismah was 30 and was already established in his construction career. I didn’t mind the age gap; I was assertive and thought if I married someone in my age group, they would find me overbearing.
Ismah was also straightforward. He told me his intentions as soon as we got talking, and I liked the honesty. We also had really good conversations. That was my major attraction: how much I enjoyed talking to him.
What did you guys usually talk about?
Random things, really. I think I was in awe because he knew so much. I’ve always considered myself an old soul and liked that we could talk about anything.
There was all that talking, but I didn’t ask the important questions like his thoughts about finances and running our home. I knew he was financially comfortable because he didn’t hide it. But I never asked him about money — my parents brought me up to be independent — and I just expected Ismah to know what to do after marriage. Everything was just supposed to fall into place. Maybe I was just naïve.
We got married as soon as I graduated from uni in 2015, about nine months after we met. My religion and culture frown on relationships outside marriage, so we had to make it official as soon as possible. But we soon started having arguments and clashing over finances.
What were the specifics of these arguments?
Ismah didn’t study economics, but he has strict expectations about managing money. Before my marriage, I survived in uni on the ₦30k allowance my civil servant-parents gave me and the small-small things I sold periodically for extra cash. But somehow, my husband believed I didn’t know how to manage resources.
After we married, I moved to join him in another state. None of my family members lived nearby, and my only income was the ₦19800 stipend from NYSC. Ismah gave me a ₦30k monthly housekeeping allowance, which was barely enough for food and other small expenses. But I couldn’t ask for more. The few times I tried, he’d nag on and on about how I couldn’t manage. And it’s not like I was spending the money on myself.
If the cooking gas finished and I told him, he’d be like, “Do you expect me to just pay for it now because you asked?” If a food item finished in the house and I mentioned we had to stock up, he’d ask if I wouldn’t have survived if we had less. He could have ₦2m, but if he budgeted ₦2k for an item and an emergency came up that required more money, he wouldn’t budge.
I was uncomfortable with constantly defending myself and even grew scared of asking for money. Whenever I ran out of money, I preferred asking my siblings for loans rather than asking my husband. It made me all the more determined to look for a job.
Did you find one?
I did. I got one at a microfinance bank in 2017, and it paid ₦35k/month. By then, I already had two children, and Ismah didn’t want me to take the job. He thought it was too small, but I knew the drama I faced with money issues, so I held it with both hands.
I should mention that he’d increased the housekeeping allowance to ₦60k in 2016 after I complained about needing money for personal needs. Adding my salary, my total income grew to almost ₦100k, and it all went to transportation, feeding and other expenses for myself and the children.
Did you and Ismah have any activities you did to spend time together?
During our first year of marriage, we went everywhere together — to events and the like. We also had conversations when we weren’t arguing about money. But things changed after the children came into the picture. I became the primary caregiver.
Initially, I didn’t mind since my husband handled most of the expenses. But after I got the job, it was clear that I was on my own. I had to enrol the children in a creche before they came of school-age, and he was like, “You’re the one who wants to work. So, sort it out.” I think that’s when I realised that my marriage wasn’t ideal.
It’s been like that over the years. Ismah drops ₦60k in a month, and I find a way to make it up and keep the house running. His only other concern is school fees, and that’s it. I pay for whatever the kids need in school.
In 2021, I got a ₦250k/month job in the development sector, and he insisted I save ₦150k in our joint account and survive on the rest.
It was difficult because things were more expensive compared to 2015, but I guess it helped because I used the savings to buy a car in 2022. I just didn’t like how the tight leash on my money meant I couldn’t assist family members. I was still supposed to take out of the ₦100k I had left if I needed to travel home or fix anything in the car. If I asked, it was like, “Are you not working? Why is this my problem?”
The simple way to explain this situation is that I don’t feel financially secure with my partner. I don’t have a safety net or a sense of security with him. I can’t rely on him to come through for me in an emergency.
Have you talked to him about this?
I try to, but he often makes me feel unreasonable. He says he’s saving for the greater good of the family. I don’t even feel seen now. I don’t understand why he won’t budge or try to help even though he sees me struggling. According to him, his work isn’t pensionable, so he has to manage.
Hmm. What are your finances like these days?
I moved to another agency in the development sector this year and now earn ₦650k/month. But I told Ismah I earn ₦400k to have some financial freedom. I’ve reduced my savings to ₦100k despite his complaints.
I also complained about inflation and, last month, got Ismah to increase the housekeeping allowance to ₦80k. He can afford it; he earns at least ₦500k in a bad month, and in a good month, he makes up to ₦2m or more.
Besides the allowance, what kind of money conversations do you both have?
We have differing viewpoints. I believe more in saving, but he’s the type that wants to invest in businesses that require goods and services.
About a year ago, he lost tens of millions in an agricultural business. I warned him about it, but he ignored me. About ₦1.5m of my savings in the joint account also got lost. I think the guilt is why he doesn’t police my savings as much these days. Either that, or he’s just tired of me being “stubborn and financially irresponsible.”
You mentioned saving. How does that work?
I have about $1300 in a savings app. I just started the dollar savings in April and hope to buy stocks when it gets to $3k. I also have ₦650k in something called Mudarabah Savings. It’s like a fixed deposit account, but I get dividends instead of interest (which I can’t receive as a Muslim).
I put ₦50k in that account monthly, and there’s no fixed percentage on the dividend I receive as it’s based on my investment percentage in the pool. But it fluctuates between ₦12k – ₦18k monthly. I also have another ₦250k in another bank that pays a fixed 11% yearly profit.
That’s a sizeable safety net
Well, Ismah and I hardly do things together these days. This is my fault; I limit conversations to when they’re absolutely necessary because he gets upset if I share a different view about a topic we’re talking about. So, I avoid drama.
The kids and work are my life; he does his own thing. I know he has investments and big financial plans, but I don’t see myself in his plans. So, I just plan for myself and the children.
I wonder now if I should ask about your ideal financial future as a couple
I don’t think of money with my partner as a unit. Like I said, I don’t think I’m in his plans. Recently, I’ve felt like our relationship has no future, and we’re just scared to admit it to each other. I don’t feel the love any more.
That said, It’s not like I expect him to get a second wife. I’ve had no reason to suspect him. Besides, if he isn’t spending on me, is it a new wife he wants to spend on? Regardless, I just want to have something to hold on to.
So, for me, I hope to own a house, have a robust safety net and be comfortable enough to take care of my children without many calculations. I’m not keen on japa, but I don’t mind earning in foreign currency and living in Nigeria.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
Get more stories like this and the inside gist on all the fun things that happen at Zikoko straight to your inbox when you subscribe to the Zikoko Daily newsletter. Do it now!
