With just two months left in 2022, there’s no reason why you should follow us into 2023 if you can’t pass this quiz.
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Don’t call yourself a meal if you don’t know which protein you are. So take this quiz to find out.
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You have to score at least 8 on this quiz to convince us that you’re the most well-behaved among your friends
Pick the things you do:
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People who spend ₦50k at restaurants
If you’re one of those people that spend ₦50k on cocktails and pasta, be aware that you’re spending someone’s take home salary.
RELATED: 5 Nigerians Reveal Their Best Experience At Nigerian Restaurants
People who have never had to cook with a boiling ring
If this is you, it means you went to a posh boarding school and you’re not like the rest of us in the trenches. You’re so rich, you probably use money to wipe your tears.
People who have touched the furniture in Dangote’s house
Imagine the people that have sat on the chairs in Dangote’s house or those that have wined and dined with him on his dining table. We’d love to meet them and ask them how they felt.
People who go on trips with their friends
You know you’ve made it when that trip makes it out of the group chat. When we say trips, we mean every kind of trips: Mexico o, Cabo o, Paris o, even trips to Yankari Game Reserve and Olumo Rock follow. Where are you people seeing money in this economy?
Lagos Big Boys
They drive Benz, buy Azul like they’re buying water, have Rolexes, go on trips, they’re Lagos Big Boys.
RELATED: The Complete Guide to Passing as a Lagos Big Boy
“Let Zikoko show where the money at! Subscribe to the Money By Zikoko newsletter to get all the gist about how money moves in Nigeria by Nigerians. Every Monday at 8 a.m.”
Lagos Big Girls
The queens of spending money. They travel to Dubai when they’re having a headache and Mauritius when they’re tired of how Lagos smells. If you’ve only been to Ijebu-Ode, respectfully, this isn’t you.
People who earn salary in dollars.
You’re in a country where the currency people spend is naira but you’re earning in dollars. You’re a baller and everyone around you is a mechanic.
RELATED: Are you a mechanic or a baller
People with more than one passport
If you have two passports, please you need to cut soap for us. You guys are so lucky because you can decide to japa anytime.
People who own (or use) private jets
Only rich people take airplanes but people who have private jets are a whole different breed.
People who have solar inverters
NEPA keeps showing us shege but people with inverters can’t relate to the struggles the rest of us go through. When last did you shout up NEPA?
RELATED: Interview With National Grid
Abuja big boys
If you think Lagos boys are big, wait till you see Abuja big boys. We don’t know if it’s their sports cars, jalabiya, Audemars Piguet watch and the Rolexes that have earned them the right to talk down on money.
Abuja big girls
Shoutout to Abuja big girls! They’re the real queens of enjoyment. We’re trying to be like them but funds no dey.
People who live on the Island
If this is you and you’re reading this, welcome! We’re honored to have you here. How does it feel to be able to talk down on money? It probably feels great.
People who have more than one ATM card
Owing an ATM card means you’re a respected person in society. But owning two and above? You’re an Igwe, a chief, an ambassador, a royal highness, a baller and a bad bitch.
People who don’t drink garri
If you don’t drink garri all the time like the rest of us, it’s probably because you’re busy eating sushi, pasta, seafood etc. How can you claim “trenches”?
People who can relate to what retail therapy is
If the first that comes to your mind when you’re sad is shopping, then yeah you’re an OBO and we want to be like you when we grow up.
RELATED: Retail Therapy is Expensive, but Here’s Why it Slaps
People who can’t remember the last time they entered public transport
If you have a car or you’re always ordering Uber anytime you want to go out, you’re simply built different. We would love for you to tell us where you found your money. Are you a tech bro or a tech sis? What exactly did you do to get money?
RELATED: How To Do Money Ritual In A Way That Pleases God
“Let Zikoko show where the money at! Subscribe to the Money By Zikoko newsletter to get all the gist about how money moves in Nigeria by Nigerians. Every Monday at 8 a.m.”
People who use diesel generators
Only a rich person can afford to buy and maintain a generator that uses diesel because have you seen the price of diesel these days?
People that don’t check their account balance
Some people just swipe and swipe their cards all day long, without even thinking about how much is in their account. These are the people we’re trying to be like when we grow up.
People who have bought Airpods more than once
If you’ve bought Airpods more than once, then you probably have a money tree in your backyard. Please, tell us what seed you planted to grow that tree.
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We don’t see why anyone should be having sex in this economy. But if you must, you should at least get above 10 on this quiz.
Only choose the ones that apply to you:
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It pees on your stuff
Imagine spending the night at your partner’s house only to wake up and see their pet’s pee on your stuff. I honestly don’t understand how that relationship is going to work.
It doesn’t bark when you’re leaving
If your partner’s pet is silent when you’re leaving their house, you probably irritate it and it’s happy you’re leaving. My advice is that you and your partner start meeting at hotels.
RELATED: If You’re Not Ready To Do These Things, Don’t Get a Dog
It hides from you
You probably think your partner’s pet is trying to play hide and seek by hiding from you. LMAO, no, it hates you. Please ask your partner to sell it or break up with them. Also please check yourself because why does an animal hate you?
It doesn’t listen to you
Your partner’s pet obviously thinks you’re a dead guy (your partner’s pet’s words not mine).
It doesn’t eat the food you give it
What your partner’s pet is trying to tell you is that you’re a bad cook, you have bad taste and you should get out. If your partner’s pet would rather starve than eat the food you give it, omo it really hates you.
It refuses to make TikToks with you
It could be two things: you’re boring or your partner’s pet doesn’t rate you. A pet that loves you will make viral TikToks with you.
It doesn’t disturb you while you’re working
Pets don’t understand the concept of space. If your partner’s pet doesn’t disturb you, then it disturbs someone else and that person isn’t you or your partner (do the math).
It scratches/bites you
I hope you don’t think that’s your partner’s pet’s way of showing love because it’s not. If your partner’s pet bites or scratches you, that’s a vampire out for your life. Please run!
It looks at you like this
This is a look of disgust and anger. I don’t know sha maybe the dog is just angry that it’s in Nigeria with you. Nigeria has a way of making everyone angry.
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If you’re a Nigerian and you’re not grateful for these, then you’re an ingrate. Please seek help
Our Weather
Our weather keeps us on our toes because it’s harmattan today and rainy tomorrow. If you always want to be alert, please come to Nigeria.
Asake
We’re not running from him but we love how he’s chasing us with good music on his okada. He deserves a thank you message from Nigerians.
RELATED: How Will a Nigerian Mum React to Asake’s Mr Money with the Vibe Album?
Small chops
The baddest bitch in the industry. The national treasure keeping the entire wedding industry afloat. Can you imagine a Nigeria without small chops?
RELATED: Interview With Small Chops: “Puff-Puff is Not a Part of Us
December in Lagos
The time of the year when you meet all your “I Just Got Back” (“IJGB”) friends and go to clubs, concerts and just have a nice time. But please don’t get carried away because of their newly acquired accents.
Mothers
The food they cook is top-tier, even if it’s bad. And their prayers work like magic.
Grandmothers
I want to know how and why Nigerian grandmothers always have money. Be grateful for the wealth of these senior babes because it’s probably the reason your family bounced back from all of Nigeria’s recessions.
Twitter
When Bubu decided to ban Twitter, it was a difficult period for all of us. But now it’s back, you can be thankful for the privilege of being dragged for no reason, or you can be thankful for all the unhinged and funny stuff you see daily.
Dino Melaye
This man is a case, but at this point, we cannot think of a world without him and his clownery. Only Dino can jump out of a police vehicle and hawk groundnuts — and he’s not even contesting in elections yet.
RELATED: Dino Melaye’s Most Outstanding Oscar-Worthy Moments
Big Brother Naija
Nigerians love BBNaija season because it reminds them of the chaos and suffering of their day-to-day lives. Eating indomie? Fighting for daily bread?
But at least someone gets to go home with ₦100m
Garri
After Jesus, garri saves. No matter how broke you are, garri is always there for you.
Okada
Going everywhere in Uber is a lifestyle only tech people can afford. The rest of us? (except people in Lagos sha) will take Uber the day we’re feeling bougie and okada the rest of the week. The way the okada guy is riding might kill you, but living in
Nigeria is already extreme sports. What’s a little danger to you, child of the soil?
Generator
We need to be thankful generators exist because the day God said, “Let there be light,” NEPA officials responded with, “Aired dfkm.”
Abula
Amala with ewedu and gbegiri, the holy trinity, if I say so myself. Amala is something to live for.
WhatsApp and Facebook
This one is for Nigerian parents. Nigerian mothers should be thankful to the founders of Whatsapp and Facebook because how else would they know that ginger and garlic cures coronavirus?
Korean movies
The love Nigerians have for K-drama is beyond anybody and everybody. Even if you don’t watch K-dramas, you’ve probably heard of BOYS OVER FLOWERS, CITY HUNTER, THE HEIRS and if you don’t know them, then you probably live under a rock.
RELATED: 10 Best Korean Series You Must Watch
Nigerian youths
Shoutout to the most vibrant and hardworking people in the world.
RELATED: Why Are These Businesses Still Running if Nigerian Youths Are Truly Broke
Plantain
Plantain is one of the baddest bitches of Nigerian food. She’s a versatile queen, and she deserves more credit than she gets. Plantain can be boiled, fried, roasted and some people even eat it raw. Rice could never.
Fuji Music
You cannot say you’re Yoruba and not be thankful for Fuji music. The day Fuji was born was the day Yoruba people were born. If you want to impress your Yoruba in-laws, just play Fuji music for them; they’ll love you!
Nigerian wedding after-parties
If you’ve never been to a Nigerian wedding after-party, please add it to your bucket list. I don’t know if it’s the endless flow of alcohol or the DJs or the hype men, but there’s something about them. Maybe it’s the fact that the aunties who usually annoy you are too busy having fun to be on your case.
Nigerian aunties
Apart from the fact that they don’t mind their business or that they’ll complain to your parents about your ashawo gowns, they’re actually not so bad. They give you money, sometimes-sound advice, and will come through when you really need them — even though half the time, they’re reasons why you needed a come-through anyway.
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Prove to us that you’re not an olodo by acing this quiz in one minute
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Nollywood gatemen are popular for being foolish. Which one are you?
Take the quiz.
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If you want to find out if you’re as wicked as your village people, please take this quiz
