We know you’re always making mouth about how freaky you are, but the only way to really prove it is by taking this quiz.
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Instead of wasting your time trying on five different outfits, take this quiz, and let’s help you pick the perfect outfit.
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Something major will happen to you before the end of the year. Take this quiz to see our psychic powers at work.
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If you’re still thinking of a hairstyle to make for Christmas please stop stressing yourself and take this quiz
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If your roommates hate you, you’re in deep shit. Which is why as the sweethearts we are, we’ve decided to tell you how to make sure this never happens to you.
Lay their beds
Sometimes, your roommates are late for lectures, or just too tired to lay their beds. Being the nice person you are, you should do it for them. If they don’t already like you, trust us, they’ll love you after this.
Share your allowance with them
God would love you for being a cheerful giver, but do you know who’d love you more? Your roommates.
Do their assignments for them
Because you’re selfless, and you want your roommates to like you, after doing your assignments, ask if they have any assignments you can help them with.
Cook for them
Everyone loves free food. Your roommates would adore and kill you with hugs if you cook for them. When you come back from your classes, head straight to the kitchen, whip up a nice meal, and serve it to them on a platter.
RELATED: All The Different Types Of Roommates in A School Hostel
Fetch water for them
We all know how Nigerian school hostels are; sometimes, the taps don’t run. Go out of your way by making sure your roommates’ buckets are always filled. How you’ll do it, we don’t, but just imagine the look on their faces when they see you’ve filled their buckets for them when they wake up in the morning.
Don’t stay in the room
Distance makes the heart grow fonder. If your roommates don’t see you every day, they might miss you and be nice to you when they finally return. So please, don’t spend too much time in your room.
Don’t touch their stuff
People hate nothing more than when you touch their stuff, so please, respect yourself, and leave their property alone.
Be funny, but not too funny
Everybody loves a clown, but let’s be honest, it gets to a point where it’s just tiring. What we’re trying to say is, to know when to shut up and stop being funny.
Don’t be too loud
Noisemakers are annoying because why are they always shouting? Just be calm, and your roommates will instantly love you — except you live with agberos sha.
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Life for adults is tough but life for babies is soft. Here are 9 reasons why we think babies live better lives than adults.
They don’t pay rent
Babies live rent-free. Imagine not having to pay your own rent at the end of each year/month. Must be nice.
They always get what they want
All babies have to do is cry and they’ll get anything — whether it’s food, breast milk, toys… anything. Theee life we’re trying to live, for real.
They don’t have jobs
That’s why babies are so cheerful and playful. They don’t have deadlines to meet so they’re just living based on vibes and giggles.
They don’t have relationship issues
As a baby, nobody is going to come into your life and tell you they love you and serve you breakfast right after — unless it’s SMA.
They don’t go to school
And when they’re old enough to start school, the only thing they do is eat, sleep and learn A,B,C and 1,2,3. SMH.
Babies don’t have to take care of anybody
Babies don’t have any parents or siblings calling them to ask for money.
Babies don’t pay bills
Unlike us adults living our whole lives to pay bills — including the childcare bills
Babies don’t fight
Babies don’t fight. Asides from not being able to fight, nobody can fight them. If you’ve ever had the urge to fight a baby, please check yourself.
People are nicer to babies
Babies are cute and small and peaceful, and this why people are nice to babies.
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This quiz isn’t even that hard. If you don’t get everything, there’s a problem.
Questions
This is a question
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At the end of this quiz we’ll know if your account smells like luxury or reeks of sapa.
Oya, answer this one:
Bonus Question:
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Take this quiz and we’ll tell you if your middle name should be akagum
Pick the things you do:
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If you have a Nigerian passport, you know the shege your eyes saw before you got it. Because of how hard it is to get a passport renewed in this country, we came up with 20 ways to get yours as quickly as you like.
Visit your babalawo beforehand
Your babalawo should be your plug for things like this. Call him and ask for a powder to make the officers do everything you say. When you get to the immigration office, just scream, “I WANT MY PASSPORT RIGHT NOW”. If they don’t give you your passport immediately, come and fight us at Zikoko.
Have a politician parent
Imagine your mum or dad is a politician and you need a passport, you’ll get it faster than Asake releases songs. It’s not too late to get them to run for council chairman ahead of February 2023.
RELATED: 5 Simple Ways To Punish Your Politician Parents
Be a politician yourself
Power stops nonsense. Buhari will never wait to get his passport. So, our advice to you is buy a ticket and run for president. Don’t worry, you already have our vote at Zikoko.
Sleep in front of the immigration office
You’re not ready to get your passport if you can’t sleep in front of the immigration office. Just sleep there for three nights in a row, and they’ll have no choice but to give you a passport just to get rid of you. Or they might seek soldiers on you, but it’s worth the risk, right?
Fast and pray
For seven days, fast and pray like your life depends on it because without your passport how will you japa. Then march to the immigration office and demand what belongs to you, your passport.
Go with a placard to protest
If you’re serious about getting your passport, you’ll write, “PLEASE, GIVE ME MY PASSPORT”, on a placard and take it to the passport office where you’ll start singing, “We no go gree ooo”. Just make sure you go with people. The more, the merrier.
Just cry
This one is 50/50 because, you might cry from now till Buhari’s next checkup in London, and they won’t answer. But you might shed a few drops of tears, and they’ll pity you. Goodluck sha.
Pretend you’re Barack Obama’s relative
Everyone knows who Barack Obama is, so when you get to the immigration office, just tell them you’re related to him. Tip: get someone to help you photoshop a photo of you playing ludo with Barack Obama in the White House compound.
Pretend to be pregnant
People usually feel bad for pregnant women. So when you get to the passport office, just start crying. Tell them that as a pregnant woman, life is hard and you haven’t been able to go for checkups because your hospital is overseas.
Look for a big aunty or uncle with connections
That uncle or aunty that you don’t like probably has connections at the immigration office. When you see them, greet them and compliment them very well. Then beg them to help your life.
RELATED: Imagine a Judgemental Nigerian Aunty is Your Therapist
Get a scholarship in a university overseas
If you tell the officials you were awarded a master’s scholarship abroad, they’ll rejoice with you and immediately make sure you get your passport.
Tip the officials when you leave
We didn’t say bribe ooo; we said tip them. When you’re done applying for a passport, just give them like ₦5k each and say, “Please, help me manage this”.
Don’t wear ashawo skirt or shorts
All the mummies and daddies at the immigration office will answer you once they see you’re wearing a dress that’s dragging on the floor or a proper suit.
Do your best “Emilokan” impression
If you can do this and do it well, you’ll get your passport on the spot.
Marry an ambassador
All your ambassador spouse would have to do is call them at the immigration office, and gbam, you have your passport. So when you pick your future partner, do it wisely.
Tell them you have to fly out for surgery
Ok, so we’re aware this isn’t the best lie to tell, but you really don’t have a choice, so just try your luck.
Be respectful
Old Nigerians will rather starve than be disrespected. At the immigration office, prostate or kneel down when you want to greet someone. If you see an officer carrying something, help them carry it to wherever they’re going.
Tell them you want to run away from some area boyz
They might be worried for your safety and consider giving you your passport in like two to three days.
Cover up your tattoos and piercings
If you think you’ll get your passport with tattoos all over your body, you’re a joker. You have two options, don’t bother applying for a passport and never leave this country, or cover up your tattoos, remove those extra earrings, and get your passport.
Don’t give up
Go there five days in a row. They’ll eventually get tired of seeing your face by the sixth, and they’ll give you your passport.
