Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Nnanna: She was bosom friends with my youngest sisters. I remember them playing together a lot. Sometimes, after the holidays, my mum would put them in the same car, with all their boxes, to go to boarding school in the South-West. We grew up together because our fathers were friends and business partners, almost kin. We’re from neighbouring villages in Abi, Enugu State.

Stella: I remember him as a much older brother I couldn’t dare talk to. My own older brother was much younger than him.

I only ever saw him when I went to their house to visit his sisters. But they came to mine more often, so I only saw him a couple of times before I went off to university in 1984.

Did you become friends afterward?

Nnanna: No. I never really thought about her until my father started pressuring me to find a responsible girl to build my home for me. As soon as I turned 30, he decided it was time for me to settle and told me he knew the perfect woman to make me happy. He didn’t force the decision on me but asked me to trust that he could make the right choice for me based on his wide experience.

Stella: After graduating in 1988, I returned home and my own father called to speak with me. He told me one of his friend’s sons had asked to marry me. I laughed because me and my dad had such a cordial relationship. I didn’t think he was serious.

Later, my mother came to talk to me too. She convinced me that having someone older, more responsible and financially free, who was already ready to commit, was a lucky thing. I’d be safe from wasting away my youth testing the waters with boys who hadn’t even figured out their lives yet.

How did you feel about that, Stella?

Stella: I was stubborn for a short while because I didn’t like that the decision was made for me. But once I met him again after close to five years, and we talked, I saw my mother’s point. I was infatuated almost immediately.

How did things proceed from there?

Nnanna: From the very beginning, it was clear our fathers’ goal was to consolidate their businesses. My father had made similar “love matches” between my brothers and children of other business or political figures in his network. I didn’t mind it, but we also didn’t marry immediately because my heart wasn’t in it for the longest time. 

We courted for another three years before I told my father I was ready and we started the traditional proceedings.

Stella: I was happy to wait. I wanted to start my career without distraction from marriage or children. I was still in my early 20s and wanted to enjoy my singleness for a bit. I never really thought about love during this period because he always sent gifts and made other kind gestures. His constant effort made me believe I was always on his mind. 

I had fairytale wishes of passionate love thanks to our romance books those days, but my mum always made it clear to me and my sisters that those were unrealistic. She’d give us lectures about the “real world”, and those helped me endure a lot later on.

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What was it like during the traditional rites?

Stella: I remember being tired throughout. When we started with the introduction and house calls, I was excited. But he told me I was childish to be so excited. That deflated my initial energy. He grumbled about how unnecessary the whole thing was since we all knew each other.

Nnanna: What was the point of the introductions when our families were already so close? I knew all the ceremony we would have to engage in, so I just wanted to be done with it all.

Stella: Our families were all overjoyed. It was a perfect, long-awaited union in their books. But for me, it was the moment when I realised I didn’t know this man I was marrying at all. We’d barely said two sentences to each other in four years. 

I suddenly had a bad feeling about everything. I had no idea how I’d gotten there. 

I shared my misgivings with one of my sisters, and she convinced me it was just nerves. I didn’t have the nerve to tell my parents anything.

Did you try to talk to him, and how did you both get through this stage?

Stella: There was no opportunity to. The wedding period was this big dramatic affair that didn’t really leave much room for clear thought and conversation. Everyone was organising one thing or the other. My friends were with me. One of them said I should speak out if I wasn’t happy with everything. I don’t know if I’d have even known how to approach him to say, “I’m not doing again.” Why? I didn’t even know why.

Nnanna: In the midst of it all, I was constantly working. I helped my father with the family business — some miscellaneous retail stores around Enugu and Anambra — so I was figuring out logistics and meeting business partners. My head wasn’t even in the wedding at all. So I don’t know how I’d have reacted if she even came to tell me any of that. It was a much different time then than it is now.

Stella: After almost a month of all the customary rites, we had our traditional wedding and a church wedding a week later. I think the week between the traditional and church was when we got to talk and get to know each other. I know that sounds amazing after we had almost four years to court, right? 

It does

Stella: That’s because I wouldn’t even call that period “courtship”. We didn’t go on dates or communicate beyond the regular gifts, odd phone call or greetings through my father. I can’t explain it myself what we spent those four years doing. We somehow survived together on the strength of a promise our fathers made us make.

What was life like after the wedding?

Stella: Things moved rather quickly until I found myself with my first two sons and unhappy. He was married to work and business while I was extremely lonely.

Nnanna: As soon as we got married, I convinced her to stop working, and I think that was the worst mistake I could’ve ever made. That singular act turned both of us into the worst versions of ourselves. 

Why do you think you asked her to?

Nnanna: I thought it was my way of spoiling her. I didn’t want her to have to stress over anything.

Stella: But then, he looked down on me the longer I relied on him for everything. When he was stressed about cash flow, he’d take it out on me, throwing insults and being aggressive.
I had to ask for every little thing, and I didn’t like that. But when I realised I should get back to work, I was almost five years out of the job market with two kids and no idea how to get back in. 

The worst part was he was rarely home, so I had nothing to do with all the free time. Over time, I learnt to find communities in church and my old friends, have personal projects like writing or volunteering and participate in my children’s school activities. But those first five to ten years were difficult. 

Nnanna: I’ll admit I didn’t realise how hard it was for her until much later. I thought she was lucky to not have to struggle to get out of the house early and work late just to make enough money to afford our lifestyle.

Did you talk to him about these things?

Stella: I couldn’t talk to him. He had this cold, unapproachable exterior that’s warmed up a bit now that he’s older. I came into the marriage with way more respect for him than love, and that was extremely hard to outgrow. 

There were times when we slept in separate rooms for up to a year because he wanted his space.

Nnanna: I was under a lot of pressure business-wise, and I didn’t want the stress to affect her.

Stella: I thought he hated me. And when I went crying to my mother or elder sister, they’d tell me to grow a thicker skin. “This is adulthood. You’re an adult now.” Then I‘d feel ashamed for going to them.

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Did you figure things out on your own?

Stella: More or less. It took time. 

This was our reality for years, and we learnt to live with it. It took us growing older and asking ourselves, “Do we have anything between us to keep this marriage together?” This was in 2012, on our 20th wedding anniversary. The kids were all in boarding school, with our eldest in university, and we found that we had nothing to celebrate. 

Nnanna: I didn’t remember it was our 20th until my assistant mentioned it while making arrangements for gifts to send to Stella. She said, “Don’t you think you should take her out instead since this is the 20th?” I agreed and told her to make the arrangements. But some hours later, Stella called me upset.

Stella: First, why couldn’t he call me himself? Why send his assistant? I told him we had nothing to celebrate. I’m glad I acted on impulse because, for the first time in 20 years of marriage, we had a proper conversation about our relationship.

How did that go?

Nnanna: That night, we sat down in our room and talked. It wasn’t a long talk, but we committed to doing more things together. We talked about a small jewellery business she’d started on her own, and right away, I put money into it. We also started attending my club meetings together. 

Things didn’t change overnight, but with these small things we started doing, I’ve seen how it has improved the situation of things in our marriage.

In what ways? 

Stella: We’d grown apart over the first two decades. We led separate lives and only came together to perform our marital duties and talk about our children’s welfare. We ended up having six boys so that elongated the period of emotional separation. Imagine that he didn’t know I had a one-year-old jewellery business, and we lived under the same roof. 

We now talk to each other more often.

Nnanna: I think it also improved my tendency to “protect” her from things by keeping them away from her. I’m actually relieved when I can share my burdens with her now. Old age helps because as a young man, I had more ego. I didn’t want her to see me as weak or incapable of taking care of her or providing in any way. I wasn’t willing to realise that the pressure also made me treat her badly.

Stella: That’s true. There’s way less pressure on him now that he’s more or less retired.

Nnanna: And just like she said earlier, having six children put a strain on us physically, mentally and financially. We had to focus on raising them at the expense of our marriage like most good parents end up doing. I don’t regret making that sacrifice. But I regret having so many children that made us make that sacrifice for longer than we had to. 

This is not to say I don’t love each of my six young men equally.

Of course. How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?

Stella: 7. We’re still building the love part, but we’ve come a long way after our shaky foundation.

Nnanna: Well said. I’m in agreement.

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

RELATED: Love Life: Finances Were Tight But Love Makes You Creative

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Izzy: Saint Saviour’s High School in 2011. We were in SS 3, and I was our biology teacher’s favourite, so she’d send me to all the SS 3 classes to write her assignments on the board. In Jemima’s class, her friend would tease her saying her husband was here. I would just smile, do my work and leave. 

Jemima: I saw him a year before that. We went on an excursion to Silverbird Galleria in SS 2. He was jovial and talked to a lot of people. When we returned to school, and I needed to reach my mum, he offered me his phone to call her. I just thought, “This is a really nice person”.

Izzy: Oh, I remember that too. 

I transferred to the school in SS2. The first time I saw her and walked up to her, she just felt like home. She had this warm energy about her, and I wanted to do everything I could to help. But after that, we didn’t interact directly again. I’m not sure why.

When did you realise you liked each other?

Izzy: I attended a computer training school with my twin while applying to universities. Jemima joined the school at some point. She was still just a friend then, but I remember she used to dress very nice. She’s dark-skinned, and she’d wear all kinds of silver jewellery — necklaces, bracelets, whatever — that popped so well on her skin. It made her look very beautiful. Every day I saw her, I developed feelings, although we remained friends for many more years.

Jemima: At the computer school, there was a particular day I had to go to his house — we lived in the same area — to wait for my mum to get back from work. I was so tired I just sat with him and his twin in their sitting room as they were gisting. I don’t even remember what the conversation was about, but I loved how he spoke and reasoned. 

Izzy, why didn’t you just ask her out right away?

Izzy: Because we were friends already na, and that’s something too. It took about nine years before I even tried to go beyond that.

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Ah. So when did you both know you’d fallen in love?

Izzy: As friends, we saw each other a lot. I was always moving around the country for work, but she’d try to see me whenever I was in Lagos or Ibadan. If I were anywhere else, she’d always reach out. She was consistent with her approach. One day, I was at my best friend’s house in Ajah, and after work, she took an Uber to visit me. She came with catfish, so she made us pepper soup and then did some cleaning. She took responsibility even though we were at my friend’s house and he was supposed to be our host. I think my love language is when people do something tangible for me. She slept over, and I asked her out that night in 2019.

Jemima: Well, for me, it was the fact that I like when people understand me. You know when something is happening, and you think you’re overreacting or going crazy. But you explain it to someone and they just get it. We were having a conversation once, and that happened. I think that’s when I fell in love with him. I knew with him I’d have someone I could always talk to who’d understand things from my point of view. That night at his friend’s, we had a conversation about sex and how I wanted to wait till I was married. His response made me happy.

What was his response?

Jemima: He said he understood and respected my decision. He never disturbed me about sex after that till we got married.

Do you remember what your first major fight was about?

Izzy: We never fought as friends. But fast forward to after she became my fiancée in 2020. She visited me in Ibadan when the lockdown became lenient, and my best friend was around. They went to a restaurant before I got back from work. I’d already told Jemima I wanted my food as takeaway, but somehow, my friend influenced her to order it to be eaten in and that I’d come soon. When I got there, I saw my food was already served, and it was getting cold. They’d already eaten, so I also had to rush the food. Plus, I wasn’t even ready to eat yet. I wasn’t happy with Jemima, and I told her when we got home. It wouldn’t have been an issue because I was just communicating my feelings to her. Normally, she would’ve apologised, but he instigated her, and the whole thing blew up into our first major fight. 

Jemima: More like a misunderstanding. It wasn’t from either of us. It was a third-party influence. We hardly ever fight.

Goals. Meanwhile, fiancée? What was the proposal like?

Izzy: It wasn’t dramatic. Just the two of us spontaneously agreeing to forever, one day at my house.

How has this relationship been different from past ones?

Izzy: She’s been a friend for a long time, and we’ve been there for each other through the relationships we’ve had with other people, which is rare. Also, Jemima is a very peaceful person. Life gets stormy, but for me, she calms the storm. She’s always been there for me and is someone I can rely on to do what she says she will. Unlike other people who are mostly concerned with being young, silly and just fooling around, she’s a reliable partner. I can trust her with my life.

Jemima: When I lost my dad in 2015, we hadn’t spoken in a while because I attended Covenant University and phones weren’t allowed. But he was the first person to reach out to me, and he didn’t even know I’d lost my dad. He just called randomly and knew something was wrong from how I sounded. He keeps talking about my consistency, but he was consistent too. Even on my graduation day in 2017, he came with his friend all the way to Ogun State from Kano. Izzy is always there for me, and that support is key, even more than love.

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What’s the most unconventional thing about your relationship?

Izzy: I’m a Muslim and Jemima is a Christian. Getting our parents to even agree to the marriage was a huge struggle. But for us to be able to build a relationship, marry and even have a child just proves we don’t care about labels. We’ve built on what’s most important to us: the friendship we had from day one, the trust we’ve built and our compatibility.

Jemima: Another thing is we don’t follow society’s rules about what a marriage should be like. We’re more like friends committed to a lifetime together. There’s nothing like gender roles; we share everything equally. We both work, take turns caring for our young daughter, cook, clean, run errands, etc. We’re just laid back about our marriage.

How has the relationship changed you?

Izzy: It’s my social life that’s changed sha. The rest has remained the same. The “bachelor” me can stay home seven days a week, 12 months a year. Meeting Jemima’s family, I adjusted slightly to their lifestyle. My mother-in-law is the life of the party, and I really don’t like partying. 

Jemima: Me, I’m now a mother! I’m constantly thinking about my husband and child. But the most significant change is how I’ve become more active in pursuing my dreams and goals. Izzy always says, “You know you can do this. Go for it. Try it. But just even try first”. Then I come out successful. He’s like, “You see. I told you you can do it”. It’s so encouraging. Sometimes, all we need is a little push. Since we got married, we’ve successfully japa, and I’ve started my Master’s — things I’ve always wanted to do. 

What’s the best thing about being married to each other?

Jemima: The fact that I’m naked. We know everything about each other. I tell him everything. We don’t find it difficult to make decisions because we understand each other so well. Many people tell me, “Wow, you and your husband are so in sync”. Of course, I mean, we don see each other finish. Also, we don’t conform to rules and roles. While I was pregnant, different members of both our families had everything to say about what I should or shouldn’t be doing, and we would stand up for each other. Izzy would tell me, “Don’t just disturb yourself o. Don’t listen to anybody”.

Izzy: Our understanding and sync make it so good. One time, I was at home, and she wasn’t. Her aunt asked her something outside, then got home before her to ask me the same thing. We gave the same answer. We always consult each other before making decisions, and that’s what marriage is about.

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?

Jemima: For me, it’s 10/10 because what more can I ask for? He’s a great husband, and we have a wonderful child together. He’s sweet, supports me 100%, good sex. Please, I’m living my best life.

Izzy: You’ve heard it from the horse’s mouth. I dey do my work well. So I’ll rate it 10 too, minus nothing.

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

RECOMMENDED: Love Life: Finances Were Tight But Love Makes You Creative

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Let’s start at the beginning. How did you meet?

Enyinna: We met about four years ago, working in the same department of a tech startup in Lagos. It was a challenging environment, to say the least.

Tolani: Absolutely. Working there was tough; the pressure, the long hours and insults from our team lead when we didn’t meet one unrealistic goal or the other. But we somehow found solace in each other in the middle of the chaos. 

We’d have long talking sessions during working hours, where we’d step into the restroom corridor and talk about how depressed we were. We just found it easy to talk to each other more than anyone else in the office. I don’t know why, but it was a relief because all my parents and friends had to say when I complained was different versions of “Be grateful you have such a good job”.

When did you realise there was something more than friendship between you?

Enyinna: It took a while. We were both so engrossed in surviving the corporate chaos.

Tolani: I remember one day in 2019. We were working late on a project, and Eyinna made this terrible joke to lighten the mood. I burst out laughing, and at that moment, I looked at him differently. It was like I saw a side of him that went beyond the workplace stress.

How did the transition from friends to “more than friends” happen?

Enyinna: It was a slow burn, you know? We started spending more time outside of the office — getting drinks after late nights at work, exploring new bars in Lekki. At that time, a new one would always spring up every month.

Tolani: Then COVID happened, and our workplace became even more toxic. There was investors’ wahala, company politics, layoffs and emotional blackmail, but we had each other to lean on.

As your relationship evolved, how did your colleagues react?

Enyinna: It was interesting. Office gossip has a way of spreading like wildfire. Especially when you’re working with so many young people.

Tolani: We tried to keep it low-key at first. But as we transitioned from remote to hybrid work, our colleagues started noticing that we were spending more time together despite the social distancing rule, going to lunch, and all that.

Enyinna: Most of them were supportive. Some even teased us about being the office “power couple”.

Tolani: Of course, there were a few raised eyebrows and hushed conversations, but overall, people were happy for us. We were genuine friends before anything romantic happened, so I think that made a difference.

Given how toxic the job was, did your growing relationship make things worse?

Tolani: Surprisingly, no. Things were still as toxic as ever. But we were both professionals, and we made a conscious effort to keep our personal and professional lives separate.

Enyinna: Our coworkers saw we were still committed to our work, and if anything, our relationship brought positive energy to the tense office. The pressure and constant scrutiny into what value you were bringing the company were the bigger problems. But having Tolani by my side made it bearable. We’d vent to each other, strategise on how to handle certain situations, and sometimes, just escape for a quick breather.

Tolani: We realised we weren’t only surviving but thriving because we had each other’s backs.

But why did you choose to stay at your toxic job rather than seek new opportunities elsewhere?

Enyinna: That’s a valid question. 

The truth is leaving a job, especially in an environment like Lagos, isn’t always a straightforward decision. The job market is highly competitive, and finding a new opportunity that aligns with your skills and career goals takes time. Also, the pay at that place was great; very few companies could match it.

Tolani: A lot of our earlier conversations when we started off as friends was an endless loop of  “I think I’ll turn in my resignation,” “Should I just do it?” “I’m doing it at the end of the month,” “Maybe I should just wait till I get an offer” and more. Despite the toxicity, the devil you know sometimes feels safer than the unknown. 

We were also hopeful that things might change and the workplace culture might improve. The founders and management always promised that.

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How did you cope with the job while remaining committed to each other?

Enyinna: It was a delicate balance. We had to be there for each other emotionally, yet we couldn’t let the stress of work affect our relationship. We found solace in the fact that we were in it together, facing the challenges side by side.

Tolani: It was also about setting boundaries. We made a conscious effort to leave work-related stress at the office door. Weekends became sacred for us — time to rejuvenate and focus on our relationship.

Knowing what you know now, do you think leaving the job earlier would’ve been a better decision?

Tolani: Looking back, yes. Leaving earlier might’ve spared us some pain. But at the same time, enduring those challenges together strengthened our bond and resilience.

Enyinna: Sometimes, the toughest experiences shape us the most. While leaving earlier might have been a practical choice, it wouldn’t have given us the opportunity to grow together in the way we did.

Tolani: But then the toxicity never ended, and we began to question if this was the life we wanted forever.

Enyinna: One day, Tolani asked me, “Let’s do Canada together?” We’d talked about japa on-and-off several times. Which Nigerian hasn’t? I was thinking of going to the UK for my master’s, one of my aunts was also trying to encourage me and my brother to come to the US. But none of those plans seemed realistic.

Tolani: I was considering school in the UK or Europe, but Canada made the most sense because three of my cousins were already Permanent Residents in the country. So when I started truly considering it in 2021, I knew I had to raise it with Enyinna too. We were fully committed at this point; all my family and friends knew him.

Enyinna: It was a crazy idea at first, but the more we talked about it, the more it made sense. We did our research, considering various factors like quality of life, job opportunities and cultural diversity. Canada seemed like the perfect fit for us.

Tolani: Plus, we were drawn to the idea of a fresh start, away from the toxicity that had defined our lives for too long.

How did the relocation process go?

Enyinna: It was filled with expenses, paperwork, uncertainties and countless checklists. But knowing we were doing it together made it easier.

Tolani: We supported each other through the highs and lows of the immigration process that took a whole year, juggling it with our 9-to-5 at that same place. Not only did we pitch our funds together, but both of our families contributed as well. We finally left Nigeria in July 2022.

How do you feel about each other now, being in Canada?

Tolani: We’re in a new country, and we did it together. Canada feels like a fresh chapter. Enyinna is my rock, and I can’t imagine going through it all without him.

Enyinna: It hasn’t all been easy. The initial months were tough. Adapting to a new culture and finding our footing in a different work environment comes with its share of challenges. I mean, it’s cold and lonely, but we can be lonely together and warm each other up, easy. 

The change of scenery has almost sucked out all the depression that made us feel helpless in Nigeria and replaced it with a sense of excitement and opportunity.

Tolani: The weather! We weren’t used to the Canadian winter, but we’ve learnt to embrace it together. Navigating the challenges of immigration made us rely on each other in new ways. It’s helped us learn useful communication lessons. My cousins live in different cities, and Canada is a huge place. When you’re in a new country, away from family and friends, talking to each other becomes even more crucial.

Enyinna: We’ve made new friends now. We had to make an effort to build a social circle. Meeting new people, making friends, it’s all contributed to making Canada feel like home.

Any thoughts on marriage or starting a family?

Tolani: We’re taking it one step at a time. Right now, we’re focused on settling in, building our careers and enjoying the adventure.

Enyinna: Marriage is definitely on the horizon. We’ve discussed it, and it’s part of our plans. As for starting a family, that’s something we’re open to later in the future.

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What’s one unconventional thing about your relationship now that you’ve settled in Canada?

Tolani: Our shared love for exploring thrift stores and flea markets. You’d never catch me doing that in Lagos, but we’ve found some treasures during our weekend trips to these shops here in Calgary.

Enyinna: It’s true. Our closet is like a curated collection of quirky and vintage finds. It actually started by accident. We stumbled upon a small thrift store while exploring the neighbourhood several months after we moved in. Tolani was drawn to a vintage kimono in this open market, and we were shocked at how cheap it was.

Tolani: Now, it’s become a ritual for us to spend at least one Saturday a month exploring thrift stores. One time, we found a very well-preserved Chanel bag. Another time, it was an old Polaroid camera that still worked. We’ve since used it to capture special moments in our new life in Canada.

Enyinna: It’s not about just spending money, but saving on items that would ordinarily be expensive.

We’ve also developed a tradition of cooking meals from different cultures every Sunday. It started as a way to embrace the diversity around us, and now, it’s something we look forward to each week.

Tolani: It’s not as bougie as he makes it sound. 

We pick a country, shop for the ingredients in our local supermarket, and try our hand at cooking their simplest dishes, like ramen or pastrami, stuff like that. Sometimes, it’s based on a place we’ve always wanted to visit. Other times, it’s completely random, or based on what grocery capsules are available at the store. 

Enyinna: Our Indian neighbour, a very nice housewife, inspired us to do this. She offered to make us curry sauce in our first month in the apartment. She came into our kitchen with the ingredients to make it for us in our brand-new pots. The way she made cooking seem like such a therapeutic pastime rubbed off on us. 

It’s also a way for us to learn more about each other’s tastes and preferences. We’ve discovered some cool dishes through this. We both love pepper, thanks to our Lagos upbringing, but now, we’ve gotten to appreciate sweet, sour and savoury.

Can you tell us about your first major fight after moving to Canada?

Enyinna: It’s a funny story now, but it felt like a big deal at the time. Our first major disagreement was about how to set up our new apartment.

Tolani: We had different ideas about furniture placement, decor and all those seemingly little things. It was a clash of our individual styles.

Enyinna: It started innocently enough. We were excited about decorating our new place, but when it came down to making decisions, we realised our tastes were different.

Tolani: I wanted a cosy, eclectic vibe with lots of colours and patterns. Enyinna preferred a more minimalist and modern look. It took some compromise, that’s for sure. We had to find a middle ground that reflected both our styles.

Enyinna: I remember how we spent hours debating the colour, style and size of the sofa. It became a symbol of our differing tastes. In the end, we found one we both liked, and now, we call it our “compromise piece”.

Compromising on the aesthetics of our home was a small price to pay for the happiness of our relationship.

Tolani: We also learnt to appreciate each other’s tastes more. Our home is now this unique blend of cosy and modern elements that represent both of us. It’s chaotic, sha. But it taught us that compromise is an essential part of any relationship. We had to find solutions that made both of us happy.

Enyinna: And it’s okay to have different tastes. Our home reflects our individuality and the beauty of coming together.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your Love Life?

Enyinna: I would say a solid 9. Our love life is thriving. We’ve overcome challenges, built a life together in a new country, and our connection continues to deepen.

Tolani: I’m right there with Enyinna with a 9. We’ve created a strong foundation, and there’s so much love, laughter and shared dreams in our relationship. We talk about everything — our goals, fears and even the little things that make us happy. I feel very understood and close to him, and it’s the best feeling.

A perfect 10 is an ongoing journey, and we’re excited to see where it leads.

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YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS: Love Life: Her Boyfriend Punched Me in the Face

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

How did you meet?

Sammie: Through her boyfriend. 

It was at a bar, and he’d just punched me in the face because, apparently, I’d touched her funnily. The only problem was I hadn’t even noticed her there until I found myself with a fist in my nose. I’d never been hit before, and I don’t now know how to fight. 

When I finally saw the reason why I was punched, I recognised her from class. We were in the same department and had a couple of maths classes together. I just said sorry and went home. My nose was bleeding.

Sharon: I didn’t see him clearly that night. But later on in the week, he came to meet me in class, said hi and introduced himself. The funny thing is I didn’t even realise my ex punched him. 

I apologised, and he asked why I was dating that type of person. I didn’t know how to answer. I’d been with my ex for over a year, and he was much older than me — almost ten years older — so I was used to being secretive about him.

Sammie: The guy was all wrong, and he knew it. That’s why he was overtly possessive with her. I didn’t like that. After I spoke with her, I told myself I’d do everything I could to separate her from that mess.

What exactly did you do?

Sammie: I got closer to her and some of her friends too. Then I found out that only one of them knew about the guy. It was this babe who wasn’t in our department. They went to the same secondary school and are family friends. I didn’t get to meet her until weeks after I’d gotten close to Sharon. 

I found it off that her friends didn’t know about her boyfriend, so one day, while we were quietly finishing some work in class, I asked her about it. She smiled and said everybody didn’t have to know her business, but her eyes were shifty. 

Then, she started avoiding me.

Sharon: I wasn’t avoiding you. I just got busy because it was close to exams.

Sammie: It was close to exams, but then, I noticed that the man would come to campus sometimes. He couldn’t enter school buildings, but he’d be on the grounds waiting for her. I think she didn’t want him to see her with any guy.

So I started calling her at night because I was worried. I had a bad feeling about that man, and I became obsessed with finding out how they got together in the first place.

Sharon: Sammie started calling every other night, and till today, we never go to bed without talking. 

Before we got together though, he’d call and ask 1001 questions. He wanted to know how I met my ex, if I really liked him, if he was pressuring me or something. And after every reply, he’d tell me I might be in a toxic relationship. 

After one of his calls, I just started crying.

Sammie: From what she told me, he was a family friend who’d been in her life since she was a child, and I found that sus.

Did you like her, or were you just concerned for her wellbeing?

Sammie: Both. I liked her, but maybe that like came from how deeply I cared about her being all right.

Sharon: I liked him. I’d noticed him in class long before we met at the bar. But at the time, I thought I’d be with my ex forever. I never consciously made that decision; I just accepted it. But when we started talking, and Sammie questioned things I never thought to question, I knew I wanted to be with him and not my ex.

Sammie: So I encouraged her to ghost the guy. She blocked him and all the people who knew about their relationship, then came to me in class one day to tell me she’d done it. I was so happy for her and for us. 

Our only opp was that one friend who knew about her ex and actually supported that mess.

Sharon: We ended up spending the first several weeks of our relationship dodging my ex on and off campus and dodging the girl in school buildings. It felt like I was dealing with stalkers and that affected my mental health to the extent that I started having anxiety attacks. 

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How did you deal with the attacks?

Sharon: It was a huge struggle during exams. I felt like I was running mad with paranoia. Once exams were over, I didn’t go home. I begged my parents to let me go visit my grandparents in another state. That helped me calm down a bit. 

Sammie: Throughout that holiday, we didn’t get to see or speak because she went completely off the radar. But then, I knew she needed the break.

Sharon: Then my parents called about my results. We checked and found out I didn’t do well at all. I had about three Fs. When they asked what happened, I told them I was struggling to cope with the harsh environment at school. They pulled me out of the federal university and put me in a private one. 

I had to start over in a new programme, but that move helped me stay sane. The only other downside was separating from Sammie — which is where the nightly calls came in. He also visits at least once a semester, and we meet up during the holiday.

Sammie: Meanwhile, her ex started harassing me in school, thanks to her fake friend. One time, he sent boys to beat me. Maybe I’d have died if people weren’t there to protect me.

Was it a good idea to get right into a new relationship? 

Sharon: I don’t know. We just did it because we liked each other.

Sammie: I really like and care about her, so I want to be there for her. Also, I don’t think I’ll meet another person who cares so passionately about pure maths.

Sharon: When we first started talking in class, we’d have this back-and-forth about the point of maths. He thought the only useful thing about it was basic arithmetic operations. You know, addition, subtraction, multiplication? So you can deal with making and spending money. I’d try to convince him how myopic he was.

Sammie: She introduced me to something called “mathematical logic”, and since then, I’ve been convinced this babe is a closet genius. I still think it’s made up shit, but the way she talks about how you can use maths to prove things like common sense and legal fact, made me feel like she was about to start controlling my mind.

Sharon: It’s how artificial intelligence will control our minds eventually, TBH. AI was built on algorithms and computation. Mathematical logic was the framework for AI algorithms. Maths is everything. Money-making only scratches the surface of it.

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Okay

Sammie: This is it. This is why I couldn’t have her wasting away with that predator man. This woman is going to change the world. And I’ll be right behind her as her assistant oga.

Sharon: Screaming. I just want to get through today.

Sammie: Anytime she talks like that, at first, I think, “This girl is mad”. Then it’s, “I’m in love with you”. No one’s ever challenged me to be smarter before. 

She’s studying computer science now, instead of industrial maths, so I really believe she’ll develop something mind-blowing soon. You guys should just watch out.

What’s your relationship dynamic like now, given the long distance?

Sammie: Sometimes, I look back, and I can’t believe it’s been two years already.

Sharon: I think we’re going strong. We’re still young and basking in that. 

But I love how seriously we take ourselves. We made a pact that if we don’t end up together like something happens and we drift apart or hate each other and decide we can’t be married, we’d just kill ourselves and die together.

Sammie: We did a whole-ass written document and signed it even. We each have a copy.

Sharon: We absolutely have to end up together. I don’t want to move on from him. We can’t wait to be done with school so we can move in together. No kids for a while, of course, but we definitely want to navigate adulthood together from the get-go.

Does anyone know about this death pact, please?

Sharon: The only people who do are scared to shit. Mostly my friends. They think our relationship is toxic because they haven’t really met and gotten to know him yet. 

They just don’t have a sense of humour. We’re being dramatic obviously. When we said the words, “I love you” to each other for the first time, I asked how can we make this absolutely true? How can we be certain we’re serious? 

It was either this or a blood covenant. 

Sammie: I chose the death pact for obvious reasons. I’m still very much a child of my very religious Igbo mother — who must never hear of the death pact either.

Sharon: Maybe we should call off the death pact? It was too crazy, wasn’t it? I’m sorry.

Sammie: I suggested it, so it’s not like I’m not in on the craze.

What was your first major fight about?

Sammie: Weed. She took an edible for the first time and had a bad high. 

She was angry with me for no identifiable reason. On top of that, we were outside, and she was freaking out that her boyfriend at the time would see us together. The way she was so scared, shaking and sweating, made me know the relationship couldn’t be healthy.

Sharon: I don’t even remember that night.

Sammie: We don’t really fight. There’s no time or space to, between school and the distance.

Does it ever get tiring, having to call every night to keep the relationship alive?

Sharon: No! It’s something I look forward to my whole day. It makes everything I do worth it because I know I’ll get to my room and talk to Sammie about it all. He’s my best friend, and our calls are everything to me.

Sammie: Oh, same. 

No matter how tired I am. No matter how late it gets. I can’t wait to be done with everything so I can hear her voice. When I’m in a bad mood, our calls make me feel better. When I’m in a great mood, I want to share the joy with her. 

It’s like delayed gratification at this point because half the time, I want to call or text her mundane things every second of every day.

Sharon: At first, I was scared we’d run out of things to say. You know how when you stop being in the same space and experiencing the same things as someone, you realise you have nothing else in common? Yeah, that never happened. And I’m so excited because we’re always interested in everything happening in each other’s worlds. And when there’s no gist, we can talk about movies and celebrities.

Sammie: And maths.

Sharon: And maths. Haha.

How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?

Sammie: 9. Let graduation come first. 

But on the other hand, I’m scared that “real” life will find a way to destroy us.

Sharon: 10. That’s what the death pact is for.

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

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