If you need new ways to vamp up your ila alasepo (okro soup), you should consider adding these things to it. Everything listed here will transform the taste of your okro soup.
1. Ponmo
Cut this into small bits to fill up space in your pot. A recommended tip though: Don’t boil ponmo with other things you’re planning to add. That’s because of the smell. Boil separately.
2. Fish
If there’s anything I’ve clocked in this business of cooking ila alasepo, it is this: the type of fish determines the type of taste you’ll get. Iced Shawa fish brings another taste, just as Titus brings a different one. Shawa is bony, and it scatters quickly in the okro soup. Titus holds longer and is not as bony.
If you smoked fish, it’s another taste too. I recommend smoked Titus and Shawa. Just scatter them in the soup. I would have said Panla, but I don’t exactly like it in okro. I prefer it in stew instead.
NB: Yet to try Kote fish in okro soup. Maybe one day.
3. Liver
I will always preach this gospel oh. I tried liver in okro soup once and my life hasn’t remained the same. Just boil the liver and chop it into bits. Omo.
4. Chicken/Turkey
This one is a sure banker. But given the way the country is, it’s understandable if you don’t want to add chicken to your okro soup. We are all broke, no shame in it.
5. Snail
Properly washed snails, that is. The flavour it brings to the okro is completely different and good. You can’t but love it.
6. Beef
One thing I’ve clocked is to use the beef stock to prepare my okro. Taste>>>
7. Prawns
Prawns make everything better, literally. Please note that this is the fleshy type oh. The other tiny ones that are popular in Igbo markets don’t exactly cut it for me. I don’t even feel their taste as such, so those ones are a no for me.
This type. No for me.
8. Bitterleaf
I use this in the dried form. My grandma gave me a bottle of it so I just tip it into the soup. It has this slightly bitter tinge that makes the okro soup taste different and good. Especially with eba or fufu.
To make the dried leaves, my grandmother sun dries the leaves whole and then crushes it by hand into a bottle. Can also be added to egusi soup and stew, if you feel like it.
9. Ugu
This changed the taste of my ila alasepo completely. I added the ugu last (as you should) and it brought a new dimension to the soup. See, ugu is a premium vegetable.
10. Scent leaves
The aroma this gives is out of this world. The taste too. But it doesn’t agree with my stomach, so I use it just once in a while. And in little quantities too.
11. Locust beans
I have noticed a (slight) difference in how my ila alasepo tastes when I add locust beans and when I do not. It’s worth trying out. That is, if you have always cooked your okro with locust beans, try removing it. And if you’ve never used it, this might be the time to try it.
12. Ogbono
I haven’t tried this. To me, they are both draw soups so what’s the need? But then, it’s a recipe and a lot of people have tapped into the movement. If you’re looking to try it out, here’s a video explaining how.
If you want to grow rapidly in your career, there are important soft skills you need to have. Some of these skills often cost money to learn, but YouTube has a lot of them, and for free.
For those who are looking to progress in their career, here are some skills you can learn on YouTube to get started.
1. Critical thinking
It is difficult, if not impossible, to succeed in business without the ability to think critically. This video from Geoff Pynn of Northern Illinois University breaks it down into very simple steps. You can also click here to watch more videos on critical thinking and improve your abilities.
2. People management
People management is a crucial skill to master. In your career, you’ll come across different types on people, and the only way to get the best out of your interactions with them is by managing them effectively. This video is a great place to start.
How best can you manage your time to achieve a lot within a short period of time? YouTube has a lot of videos to help you with this.
You can also click here for more time management strategies to help you in your career.
4. Persuasion
How best can you influence people to buy your products or try out your services? The answer lies in your persuasion skills. Learning this skill from training institutions cost a sum, but YouTube has free videos on it. Here’s one from Columbia Business School:
To watch more videos from acclaimed and globally recognised business schools, click here.
5. Effective communication
How do you communicate without sounding rude or aggressive? How do you leave a memorable first impression on a client? COMMUNICATION. This YouTube video is a great place to start building your communication skill. You can also check out more videos on that.
6. Strategic management
https://youtu.be/tyUw0h5i9yI
It’s not every time you get a Professor at Harvard Business School teaching you Strategic Management for free. But YouTube has you covered. All that is left for you to do is click here to enjoy more of such educating videos.
7. Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is a key soft skill to have. And on YouTube, it’s free to learn. Click here for videos on how to lead with emotional intelligence in your career and your daily life.
YouTube is an endless store of important resources to help you grow in your career. There’s always more for you to learn. Be it for your career, educational, or financial growth, YouTube always has more. Na you go tire.
A lot of people don’t know, but this is a good time to educate ourselves. Asking people how their night was means that you want to know what they were up to sexually or otherwise, the night before. Oh, don’t act surprised. As if you will not listen eagerly when they tell you about the sex they had.
Anyway, here are 7 places you should not use “How was your night?” as a greeting. Please listen to us, before you put yourself in trouble.
1. In your office
Or any formal setting for that matter. Imagine asking your spirikoko boss how his/her night went. Hmm, you’re asking for erotica on an early Monday morning. *Laughs in sermon and sack letter*
2. In emails.
“Dear Fred, how was your night?” does not sound as posh as you think it is. Imagine Fred turning red in the face at your audacity. Stick to simple greetings. “I hope your day is going well?”; “I trust this email meets you well.” The email may or may not meet him well, but at least you’re not asking him offensive questions.
3. On the bus.
Why are you even asking random strangers how their night was? Turn to me with that kind of question and I will serenade you with an epic of how I battled multiple demons in my sleep. Believe me.
4. In a meeting
Refer to point one above.
5. With complete strangers.
Honestly, maybe not ask people “How was your night?” Just say good morning and go your way.
There comes a time in all our lives when we encounter something weird or unusual which usually turns out to be the very helpful. Like this video where I found out that you should butter the outer side of your bread before toasting it. If you want weird and unexpected videos that will blow your mind and become very useful to you, YouTube is the place to check. Here’s a list of videos that will blow your mind.
1. How to tell if a cat is depressed
Until I saw this video, it didn’t occur to me that cats could be depressed. After watching it, I came upon a lot of other interesting videos about animals. Click here to see some of them.
2. How to service a small Tiger generator
Even me, I don’t know how I ended up seeing this video. But it was really helpful to me. For more handy and helpful DIY videos, click here.
3. 10 things you must sacrifice if you want to be rich quickly
I honestly approached this with the thought of blood money. Yes, I have a weird mind, I’m sorry. What this video brought to me was more helpful: Personal Development to help me achieve my financial goals. If you want more videos on personal developments, here’s a good place to start.
4. 10 things you didn’t know about orgasms
Again, this was swept into my watch list, and being the curious person that I am, I thought, “Why not?” I was indeed blown away. For more videos on your body and the many ways it can yield to pleasure, this list of videos is a place to start your education.
5. Fun facts about adult acne
The question for me was, “That’s weird. How can acne be fun?” But watching it enlightening enough to satisfy my curiosity. Click here for videos on how to clear acne and get glowing skin.
6. How to pedal and oil a sewing machine.
Interested in improving your DIY sewing skills? This video is a great place to begin. Sure, the idea of learning how to pedal a sewing machine is weird, but this video teaches a lot more. If you are interested in more DIY videos, this one is for you.
7. Different ways to grate okro
If you have ever struggled with grating okro, you will find this incredibly helpful. And if cooking is what you struggle with, this cooking channel is a perfect answer to all your questions. Click here to begin your journey into Nigerian food and recipes.
From animal videos to human psychology to DIY to education and cooking, YouTube is a great resource to learn anything, understand a difficult concept or get plugged into premium entertainment. There’s no end to what you can find on YouTube. There’s always #MoreForYou. Click here to get started now.
Before you take that man to the altar, test him in any of these seven ways. If he fails, then you know he’s not worth it, sis.
1. Test him with food.
If he comes to your house, serve him three meat. If he eats all of them, he’s a man with no thought for the future. That one will eat through your life savings. If he eats two and leaves one, he’s a man who will leave your finances on the verge of destruction. If he eats just one, he’s pretending.
2. When he visits your parents house, leave dirty clothes in the parlour.
If he gathers them to wash, then he’s a true husband material. Here’s the best way to do this: when he comes, let your parents pack the dirty clothes and act as if they’re going to wash them. If he says, “Ah, don’t worry, what am I here for?” then he has home training.
3. Leave your house dirty and see if he cleans it.
There’s no two way to this. If he does not clean your dirty place when he comes visiting, how will he do it when you both get married and you’re busy with work? Isn’t the purpose of marriage to have a man who can clean up and wash things while you work?
4. Let him refer to your younger siblings as “Auntie” and “Brother.”
If he refuses, he is disrespectful. Afterall, your younger siblings were not born in his presence. It doesn’t matter if he’s older. Culture is culture and must be respected.
5. Ask him to have sex with you.
That’s the only way to know if he’s a fertile man. Besides, how can you buy something you have not tested?
6. If he agrees, then he has been doing it before and he is a whore. Chop him and clean mouth.
Then carry your bag and walk away.
7. If he does not agree, then he is probably giving other ladies for free.
Men? They cannot be trusted oh. They will form virgins only to be selling their bodies cheap up and down. You probably shouldn’t get married to that kind of man.
Stay woke sis.
You should read this too. Securing a good man is serious business.
So, you finally got that opportunity to japa from this country. You have scaled the village people hurdle, the evildoers of your family and your negative yard people. The final step is the visa. Here is how to make sure they don’t use food to hold you back.
1. Eba
It’s not a lie, dear. You will go there and sleep. Imagine jeopardising your future because of one bowl of eba. They will call your name and someone else will take your spot because you are far away in dreamland. We rebuke it for you.
2. Beans.
Yes, we love beans. But see ehn, don’t eat beans to your visa interview. A lot of things are bound to go wrong. For starters, you can start to purge. Or, shit might start to catch you while you are waiting in the queue. What is worse, you can be in front of the official and be dropping mess. The two of you will start looking at each other like:
Who mess?
Tolotolo mess.
Oyinbo say na me
Me I say na Oyinbo.
Save yourself from “Had thy known.”
3. Draw soup.
Okro oh, ewedu oh, ogbono oh. See ehn, these soups are sweet, but wahala be like bicycle. E no dey hard to start. You will eat okro soup and your mouth will start to draw until you yarn okpata.
Oyinbo: Do you have plans to come back?
You: If I come back, make I die, make I perish, anything I’m looking for let me not find it.
Oyinbo: I’m sorry?
You: No, I mean I will come back.
Leemao. Too late, dear.
4. Crayfish
This one will give you bad breath. Don’t near it at all. Tuck in your Igbo roots and give your stomach to the Lord for one day, Chibueze. It won’t kill you.
5. Semo
For simple reasons: semo will make you pee. But there are more spiritual reasons and we will tell you:
Semo is a widely hated swallow. It is beyond explanation, this hate, and it is irredeemable. Now imagine you eat such a thing. Honey, you have given your village people an avenue to work. They will simply transfer semo’s hate to you. You will just enter visa office and consular go comot cane wipe you for body.
Don’t even try it. Go to that visa interview hungry. And if you faint, toh. Na you know.
YouTube is an endless sea of content. No matter how you feel or what you want, there is always something on YouTube that will match your need. If, like us, you like hilarious content, here is a very short list of videos that will make you laugh so hard.
1. This make-up fail that teaches you what to look out for in a make-up artist.
Dimma Umeh took the fall so you don’t have to. We wrote a thing about 7 Types Of Make-Up Artists To Avoid, but this YouTube video by Dimma Umeh is a great place to start. YouTube keeps saving the day. Click here to watch more funny make-up videos.
2. Are you interested in hilarious melodramatic acting from 2010s Nollywood? This one will have you in stitches.
https://youtu.be/IYyuHrrL9Ks
This film is as hilarious as you can imagine. We wrote a review of it here. There’s a lot more hilarious Nollywood Videos on YouTube. From BlackBerry Babes, to Beyonce and Rihanna to White Hunters, YouTube stocks them all.
3. Looking to learn something about house hunting? This one will teach you and entertain you at the same time.
House hunting is the literal ghetto. But who says you can’t laugh while learning serious lessons? YouTube has just the right stack of laugh out loud videos. Click here to get plugged in.
4. Have you ever been scammed by online vendors? Grab a glass of wine and come and laugh at relatable videos.
Here’s what Dimma Umeh said about one of the wigs, “It’s so synthetic that if you walk past fire, the wig will call out to the fire by itself.”
If you have ever wondered where that line came from, here you go. That video is living proof that you should never try pranking a Nigerian parent if you want to live to tell the story.
If pranking videos are your thing, here’s the rabbit hole to fall into.
6. Feeling lazy and in need of serious wealth and pampering during this hectic 2020? Elsa Majimbo has just what you need.
https://youtu.be/oL0EWOCmZ1U
Person: What have you gained during quarantine?
Elsa: Weight. I’ve gained weight.
That’s how you know Elsa is our very own African sister. You can never get tired of her hilarious videos.
7. Do you know Madam Theresa from Abagana?
No need to hide your face in shame if you don’t. Her lit videos always highlight a boring day. Need someone to serenade you with English and Igbo that flows as smooth as silk? Madam Theresa’s videos are there for you.
And if you want more hilarious comic videos, YouTube keeps serving.
On YouTube, there’s always #MoreForYou. Anything you want and anytime you want it. Na you go tire. Literally.
If you are student who depends on YouTube just like every one of us, you will relate to this one:
How do Nigerians cope with the food abroad? That’s a question I have always been curious about. In this post, 9 Nigerians across Kenya, North Cyprus, Kenya, America, England, Ghana share their struggles with the food over there.
1. Jimi
The first thing you should know about North Cyprus is that there are African restaurants, but they sell at ridiculous prices. It’s like they’re trying to make a living off people that can afford them. If you decide to make traditional food yourself, the price of the raw food items will scare you into common sense. Fish and meat are expensive, the only cheap and affordable thing is chicken.
Over here, they don’t have Nigerian rodo but all these long green pepper that only aspire to be like our red pepper even though they could never. I had to bring my own grounded pepper from Nigeria. The vegetables are so similar that you have to be very careful before you cook something you don’t know. It’s not like in Nigeria where we have ugu, soko, and the other popular ones. Garri and palm oil is expensive. Too expensive, and it’s annoying because the palm oil doesn’t even taste or look like palm oil.
An advice I would give is this: When you’re buying foodstuff in their local supermarket, shine your eye and check every label before you buy something that looks like packaged raw beans but isn’t raw beans. That was how I saw a picture of oats on a package and bought it. Premium tears when I finished cooking it. I had to pour plenty milk and sugar to compensate for whatever it was I was eating. Anything you do, stock up on rice, bread, spaghetti and noodles. Rinse and repeat. It’s the only way to go.
2. Folasewa
I and three friends travelled to Kenya for an exchange program at Kenyatta University. We had to board two flights with one long stop at Rwanda, a short one at Uganda and the last stop at Kenya, so you can imagine how tired we were when we reached Kenya. We had been flying for 10hrs! Even after we passed through immigration and were transported to the university, we still had a long way to go before being settled into the hostel. While we were waiting for the school officials to allocate a room to us, we decided to branch at one of the ‘fancy’ restaurants on campus. Mugumo restaurant is what it is called. When we got there, we ordered the most basic thing, rice and beef stew. Something we wouldn’t regret buying.
The first thing we noticed was that the stew was really watery. The guy among us took a spoon and his face contorted. It looked like he had just taken something bitter. And the next person took bite and even before I tasted it, I began to regret why I the 150ksh (₦750 at the time) I spent on the meal. I cannot describe the taste of the food, but it was bad, really bad. Like they boiled water and put little tomato in it with meat. I began to regret coming to Kenya for the exchange programme. My major question was, “How can something as basic as rice and stew taste like this?”
Through out the 4-month stay, we only cooked Nigerian food. We even had our parents send down 90kg of Nigerian food. And most times, when we conversed with Kenyans, they always asked if we had tasted Ugali (an equivalent of tuwo according to a Nigerian there, but dry and hard). It seemed Ugali was their best food. A lady even asked me to persuade my brother to purchase a ticket to Nigeria for her so that she could marry him and cook ugali for him.
What I enjoyed the most was the Chapattis and pilau. Especially the Chapattis. I remember eating it with stew, with eggs, with sausages. It is such a versatile meal. And those were the only Kenyan meals I could eat. Oh and when I tasted their Jollof rice I cried because it felt like eating tin tomatoes straight from the can. I wasted money and took transport from the campus to ShopRite to buy Kenyan Jollof rice only to taste canned tin tomatoes. Never again.
3. Richard
So, I’ve been in Accra for a little over a year now and, by God, the food here is still a mystery to me. The first day I got here, I looked for a joint where I could get rice to eat. I bought it from a roadside seller and immediately regretted it after buying. I asked for rice and beans with stew because that seemed to be what I could manage. I was given rice and bean porridge with stew made with mostly tomato paste. I thought it was just the seller but others I tried had different weird tastes. I don’t know if it’s the cultural shock talking or it’s just what it is. I eventually started cooking my food myself after giving up on Ghanaian food.
This year, I decided to give Ghanaian food another go. I tried waakye and it tasted okay actually, well, except for the garri. Garri has no business in that meal but apparently that’s how it is eaten. Last month, my landlady asked me why I don’t eat Ghanaian food. I had to lie to her that I haven’t been able to get some. She offered to give me banku but I had to prepare the “sauce” myself. If I remember well, she said I’d mash tomatoes, garlic, ginger together in a clay pot they call Asanka and add little salt. I was waiting for when she’d say I’ll then fry or cook it or something. That never came. Apparently, you eat it that way with the Banku and sardines or boiled eggs if you’re in a good mood. I definitely ate the Banku but with some egusi I had in the fridge. No way in hell I was going to eat what she recommended.
And you know that thing about Ghanaians and eggs? Yes, it’s 100% true. Eggs are eaten as snacks here in fact. I randomly see sellers slicing eggs open and putting sliced onions and mashed tomatoes in it like some sort of burger. I’m not sure I’ll ever be into Ghanaian meals. My tummy is too fragile for all that.
4. Rotimi
The one thing that shocked me about the food culture in England was that if someone says, “Oh I’m inviting you to a restaurant for my birthday,” you have to first ask them if it is Dutch or if the host will be covering it,. Otherwise you will finish eating and then they’ll bring separate bills and ask you to pay your own money.
When I traveled, my mother offered to pack some Nigerian food for me to take along, but I refused because I wanted to enjoy Oyinbo food. I got tired of it really fast. There’s only so much Chinese takeout and McDonald’s you can eat before you start to crave Jollof rice or just white rice and stew.
The taste of British food was really underwhelming, if I’m being honest. Bland is the word I’d use. Even after the Brazilian or Asian restaurant put their flavour on it, we will still sprinkle small pepper on the food. Even with the bland taste, they are very stingy with food portions. They’ll serve you food and there will be space all over the plate.
The best food I’ve had in England has to be this full thanksgiving meal. It had lobster, Mac and cheese, corn bread, candied yams, mashed potatoes. And then there was the turkey and the greens.
The worst food I’ve had is Haggis. It has onions, oatmeal, sheep’s heart, liver and lungs. You can eat it with mashed potatoes. The taste is something. That’s the only decent way to put it. Let me not curse someone’s traditional food.
5. Oyin
I find two things strange in America. First is the restaurant culture of inviting people out and then making them pay. Americans will divide the bill, use calculator and ask you to send them money for your bill to their account if they use their card.
The second is the tipping culture. I’m a student, but here’s my friend forcing me to pay tip when we went out. She said she wanted to tip the waiter and I said, “Okay, do you.” But she wasn’t having it. She said I must tip the waiter too. I told her to tip and leave me out of it, but because we were in a group, they said it was only fair I tip too. Just like that, these girls made me pay $7 more. As per, they decided the tip percentage that I should PAY without asking me. I never went out with those people ever again. $7 is a whole meal in a food cart.
Here, the restaurants are nice and polite. If they mistakenly mix up your order, they’ll replace it for free, and you won’t have to pay for the change. But when it comes to food, they don’t understand how to use pepper. Every time I ask for EXTRA SPICY, it does not even touch half of my taste buds. I carry my own suya pepper from Nigeria.
These people live and breathe cheese. Don’t get me wrong, I like cheese. I just hate that they cannot think beyond it. Come on, WHAT ABOUT ATA RODO?? TRY THAT NAUU. Once, I went to this chic fil a to get the spicy chicken sandwich everyone was raving about. It was good but it had the exact spiciness level as a Mr. Biggs regular chicken. It was good because it was the best they ever had. But that level of pepper is normal to Nigerians.
I eat Algerian and Indian food because they are the ones that can get spice right like us. Also, it helps me keep my diet in check. I live mainly on fruits, vegetables and Indian food.
The price of regular food is shocking. One pack of Indomie is 40-42 dollars. One packet is 1.2 dollars. Wahala. I brought my own Indomie from Nigeria.
The best thing I’ve had here is chicken over rice for halal. It’s affordable and spicy. It’s like yellow rice. Some kind of curry makes it yellow, then diced chicken with diced lamb and some secret sauce. I don’t know what they put in the sauce, I just eat it. My worst food so far has to be buffalo wings. I hate the sauce. It Ruins perfectly good chicken.
If I am to rate the food, pure American food will get a 4. Food of other nationalities, 9.
6. Hakeem
When I traveled to the US, I didn’t pack any food item. And even after I got there, it took me a while before I went to the African store. I didn’t have Maggi/Knorr for sometime, and the bunch of seasonings I could get tasted off. When I eventually went to the store some months later, I just bought everything I could afford. When I want home food, I buy egusi, beans (which I can’t find in regular supermarkets. The types they have are the soy/black eyed ones/white ones. All generally smaller than the ones in Nigeria), Turkey, rodo, dry pepper, bitter leaf, okro. I also buy milk and Titus sardines, garri, plantains, yams, semo, etc.
I mostly eat the same things I ate back home with slight differences/substitutes. I eat more broccoli, drier salads (in place of coleslaw), lots of cheese. I haven’t eaten African food in restaurants in America. I’m the one cooking so it mostly tastes the same. I’m not sure how to qualify. The only variable would be the raw materials. For example, I bought Turkey at this store, and the Turkey skin seemed dried and thick. It was frozen so I did not know how it was when I bought it.
As for fruits, most bananas in America taste exactly the same and are almost always without spots. The watermelon too. There is little variation in the taste. There are no seeds in the oranges.
8. Dayo
When I was coming to the US, I took a lot of kuli-kuli, egusi, garri, ground pepper. I took a lot of curry too, the specific kind we use in Nigeria, pepper soup spices, and Maggi which is a weird but valuable thing to bring along. Some of it finished quickly. Some of it I’m still eating now. Egusi in the former, crayfish in the latter.
It’s hard to pick a favourite dish. I rarely eat as leisure, so it’s not very often that I pay attention to the pleasurable part of food. There’s a Chinese restaurant close to me that is now closed that I loved almost everything on their menu. There was also a trip to another city I did with friends where every food we tried was a hit. Worst thing is probably a loose burger I bought at a place where I’ll never eat again. It was too expensive for the misery it put me through.
9. Sarah
When I moved to the Cayman Islands in 2019, I took a box load of food stuff because there isn’t a single African store in the Cayman Islands. Besides, food is expensive on the Island because we import almost everything.
The box I carried contained everything from garri, poundo, crayfish, egusi, ogbono, iru, pepper soup spice, powedered maggi, pap etc. I even carried kilishi, but it was seized at the airport. They said something about meat products not allowed from other countries. I was so pained. I forgot the carton of Indomie, sardine and Golden Morn. But then I travelled in December 2019 and came back with a box load of more Nigerian foodstuff.
I am not picky with food so I can adapt to anything. I also share some of my ingredients with other Nigerians on the Islands.
Here’s a picture of the palm oil I bought over there for $12. It doesn’t taste like Nigerian palm oil and it’s not as red.
Finding white yam is a struggle. I have had to manage yellow yam which is different from the white yam. After spending more than one year on the island, I finally found a store with white yam.
Interestingly, the white yam is cheaper (about USD $3.59 per lb) but the yellow yam is bitter (about USD $5.99 per lb). I have to soak the yellow yam in salt/sugar brine so I can manage it. Other Nigerians I have spoken to didn’t like it at all. By the way, it’s not the full tuber of yam that cost that much. It’s just pieces of the yam. When you go, there is a yam cutting board with a knife. You can cut a portion of the yam you want and then weigh it. You’ll hardly see a full tuber of yam in the supermarket. Plantain is relatively cheap here. It costs USD $1.79 per lb. And no, you don’t have to cut it in pieces.
Caribbean food isn’t bad at all. It’s quite similar to the Jamaican dishes. Their traditional food is mainly seafood, since it’s an island. They also have Cayman style beef which is really nice, and you can also try turtle meat.
It’s really hard to pick my best dish here. But I can easily tell you my worst: Ackee and saltfish. It’s a Jamaican dish that is popular here. That thing is nasty. It looks like egg sauce for Sunday yam. But its a no for me.
In terms of how available and accessible it is over here, I’ll rate Nigerian food a 4. And that’s just because of the palm oil, yam, plantain, goat meat and dried fish. The cost is bloody expensive though. For their own food here, I’ll rate it an obvious 10, in terms of availability and accessibility. The cost? Moderate. That’s it for me.
See ehn, let’s say the truth. YouTube is and will forever remain greater than (y)our university lecturers. But we know that you like arguments, so we will give you facts to back up our opinion.
1. YouTube is never late to class.
You know how you have classes and your lecturer comes in like 1 hour late. YouTube cannot stand you up like that. With YouTube, agreement is agreement. It is there to serve you tirelessly. And this is one of the many things you can learn from it:
2. Is there anything your lecturer cannot explain? Come to YouTube
Just one video and you are eligible for a Fulbright scholarship and the MacArthur Genius Award.
3. You can pause, play, rewind, fast forward a lesson on YouTube.
Try tuning your lecturers like that. Just ordinary “I’m lost” that you said, they are telling you to “Find yourself.” YouTube can never do you dirty.
Click here for tips on how to improve your listening skills.
4. Do you want to hear a secret? Some of your university lecturers also turn to YouTube.
The ones who know sha. The others rely on their notes from the Ojukwu era. Heaven and earth may pass away, but they will never update those notes.
Don’t be like them. Click here for tips on how to take notes effectively.
5. Your lecturer does not have the wide range of knowledge that YouTube has.
Don’t delay your learning. Click here to gain access to a wide array of life – changing lectures.
6. YouTube can last longer than your university lecturer.
Can your lecturer teach consistently for the duration of the lesson without deviating? YouTube can. Click here to try learning about FishFarming, for example. See if YouTube won’t blow your mind.
7. YouTube can entertain and teach you at the same time.
No cap. Try cracking a joke with some of your lecturers and see if they will not remove your name from the attendance.
But YouTube has a premium collection of entertaining and educational content you shouldn’t miss out on. Click here to get started.
With these few points of ours, we hope that we’ve been able to convince and not confuse you that YouTube is greater than your university lecturer because YouTube has an endless stream of content. With YouTube, na you go tire. But with your lecturer, well, Jehovah take the wheel.
Is your Nigerian boss stressing you out? Are they refusing to pay you on time? Do they call you during weekends when you should be resting? Here’s how to “take good care of them.”
1. Find out their middle name and their maiden name.
That’s an important thing. It is the only way to ensure that whatever spiritual flogging you are sending to them won’t miss its road. Someone out there might be answering the same name as your boss.
2. Do a dry fast and three day-vigil.
Be you a Muslim or a Christian, e no matter. You have just one mission: to deal with your boss. The prayer point is yours and yours alone.
3. Go to babalawo.
This is my own specialty. Emi professional evildoer. Let me tell you how to present your boss’ case: Tell the baba or mamalawo that somebody s frustrating you and you want the gods to frustrate them too. I trust the gods. They no dey waste time.
But if you don’t have the mind for that kind of thing, here’s to scare your boss and make it look spiritual:
4. Wait until midnight and put a calabash full of sacrifice in front of their door. Here’s what to put in it:
a. Six boiled eggs
b. Two pieces of agidi (eko)
c. Chicken feathers (Kidnap your neighbour’s fowl and pluck the yansh feathers)
d. Palm oil
Write your boss’ full name on a large sheet of paper and place the calabash on it. Let your boss wake up and be afraid. Oga wey say him employees no go rest, him sef no go see bed sleep.
5. Invest your salary in red candles and a yard of red chiffon.
Drop it in their lunch pack, tie a piece around their side mirrors, put another one on their chair. Sha don’t let them catch you.
Do this consistently for 7 days. If that your oga does not change his/ her ways, come and meet us in our office.