Every day, people just wake up and expose their lack of taste to the whole world unprovoked by slandering great-tasting, perfectly fine food. Today, I’m taking a stand: I’m here to tell you that if you don’t like any of these ten foods, we need to question your taste buds.
Oats
If you don’t like oats, you simply lack imagination. Oats are such bad bitches that you can do so much with them. You can make oatmeal and throw in nuts, seeds or even fruits. You can make oat cookies. You can even blend oats to make smoothies with bananas, peanut butter, and milk, or add oats to yogurt to taste the good side of life. Enjoyment!
Avocado
Maybe avocado slander was once cool, but now it’s just forced, please. There are so many ways to enjoy avocado: on its own, with bread, in dips like guacamole, etc. It’s so multi-talented that it’s great for your belly, your hair and your skin. Never take food suggestions from anyone that doesn’t like avocado.
Greek Yoghurt
Thicker and creamier than regular yogurt and slaps your mouth even harder than agbalumo. If Yoruba Demon were to be a snack!
Pap
I can draw a straight line from people who dislike pap to people who don’t know how to prepare it.
Golden Morn
The closest meal to Cerelac that we had back in the day when life was easier and we had no worries. How can you hate nostalgia?
Amala
I’m saying this as someone who once hated amala. I now realized that I only disliked it because I was eating it with abula (ew, because what is beans doing with swallow?). Amala with good old ewedu and that pepper stew is life. You need to open your mind.
Dodo
Why? How can you even hate the king of sides?
Wheat Bread
See, this is the only food on this list I can entertain skepticism about. I too have mixed feelings because very many bakeries get it wrong. It’s kind of like agbalumo — you need luck to find a good one. And once you find it, never let that brand go. Wheat bread typically takes some getting used to, but once you do, you’re in for the good life.
Zobo
Zobo saved our lives back in university — along with egg rolls. But now you people graduated and you think you’ve outgrown Zobo? Smh.
Boiled yam
People who slander boiled yam stress me out. How can you boldly proclaim to the world that you don’t have taste? Please, check out these 10 things you can do with yam and uplift your taste buds please.
A Week in the Life is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.
The subject of today’s “A Week In the Life” mixes drinks for a living. He tells us about quitting his full-time bartending job to start his business, how his biochemistry degree makes him a better bartender and why Lagos restaurants sell shit cocktails.
Thursday
My week begins on weekends when Lagos fires up with parties and events, so I must prepare. Every week is different for me, depending on whether or not I have a bartending gig. When I do — like this week — I spend a few days preparing. If I don’t, I experiment with new recipes and do some consulting for restaurants and bars.
This week, I have a gig on Saturday at an owambe-themed party in Ikeja. It’s supposed to be big. I’ll spend today sourcing supplies, finalising my signature recipes and testing them to make sure that they taste great and that I can produce them at scale.
Asides from mixing drinks, I also have to make sure the distribution of drinks goes smoothly, which is the most technical aspect of my business. It involves a lot of math and data analysis, especially for large events like this. I have to be sure that the ingredients are enough for as many estimated guests and any unexpected surge in demand. The worst thing that could happen to a bartender is a shortage of drinks or ingredients; that’s why I plan and calculate so much before an event. I’ll need to hire a bar assistant for the day, make a ton of calls to my suppliers, create a budget, etc. I have to make sure everything is in place by the end of tomorrow.
Friday
I woke up at 9 a.m. today with a heavy heart. It seems drinks get more expensive week after week. I have to go to the wholesale market at Apongbon because I still can’t believe the price quotes I got yesterday from my drinks suppliers. Absolut vodka was ₦5k just last week; today, it’s ₦6k — and that’s even a cheap drink. More expensive drinks like Ciroc added ₦3k overnight. Inflation is a bastard.
I’m just thankful I no longer depend on only bartending at events for a living. It’d be crazy. Thank God for my consulting which brings in the occasional lump sum on the side. Late last year, a businessman was opening a restaurant in Lekki. He had posted on Facebook that he needed an expert to create unique signature drinks to make his restaurant stand out. Over 40 people commented, tagging my name, so he reached out to me. I designed the restaurant’s bar, set up a custom signature cocktail menu and trained the current bartender. That was my first paid consulting gig, which broadened my opportunities. These days, when consulting, I make at least double of what I earn from bartending at events, but consulting opportunities aren’t as regular.
By 2 p.m., I’ve bought everything I need. I won’t buy fruits until the day of the event, so they’ll still be fresh.
The “Yoruba Demon” – one of the signature cocktails
Saturday
Today, I am once again thankful. This time last year, I was working full-time at a bar in Lekki which made me hate my life. My shift was meant to be 2 p.m. to 10 p.m., Wednesday to Monday, with shared accommodation in a room near the bar. This setup made sense because I lived on the mainland. Imagine going to Orile from Lekki at 10 p.m.
One month after I started, though, they made us vacate the room. For the next few months, I squatted in the bar’s lounge, sleeping on a couch five days a week. They also made me work overtime as I was the only bartender and I was always around.
This bar paid me only ₦60k monthly for all my effort, and I didn’t even have time for side gigs to fetch me extra money. One day, I just vexed and told them I wasn’t doing again. I left and started my own brand.
Nowadays, I love the flexibility of being my own boss, even though it has its downsides. For example, this business is seasonal — there are times when bartenders are in high demand, like during holidays. Then there are downtimes where you barely see any gigs. But freelancing puts me in the driving seat and has improved the quality of my life.
Sunday
Today was one hell of a day. The event went well above my expectations. My new signature palm wine cocktails were an instant hit. I sold out and got an outpouring of positive feedback, and so many people shouted me out on Facebook. That’s always good for business.
I was nervous before the party because I’m usually afraid of large events. And this started after my experience one day in 2020.
That day, I served drinks at the Lagos Social Hangout — an end-of-year party in Ikeja, Lagos. Guests loved the drinks so much that I made back my capital after just two hours. At around 7 p.m., when the party was in full swing and orders were pouring in, something unfortunate happened that ended the party abruptly. Seun Kuti, who lives on the street, got into a scuffle with some car owners at the event and fired gunshots. And the party scattered. The crowd dispersed and everybody scrambled.
By that time, I’d only made about 20% profit. This was supposed to be my largest party in a long time, and I was high on hope. I’d borrowed money to set up for the event and had to watch my potential earnings vanish in seconds.
I’ve since moved on from the incident, but I still panic when I’m bartending at large events, which is why I’m glad I don’t have any other events until next weekend. I’ll spend the rest of the week relaxing with my family and looking back on today’s success.
Monday
As a first child to Igbo parents, it once seemed like an absurd decision to mix drinks for a living, but that’s the life I’m living now.
People like to downplay this job. They say: “Is it not just to mix Coke and Jack Daniels?” I also used to think bartending was only about combining drinks. But there’s a science to it. I realised this when I started reading books on mixology. I saw references to entropy, enthalpy, thermodynamics and other things I’d learned studying biochemistry in school. Even the simplest things like why certain drinks are served in certain types of glasses and in specific quantities have scientific reasons. It all made sense.
I dived into the rabbit hole of mixology, exploring the science and art of it all. I even took a course. Those months I spent studying was the game-changer. To my parents, it didn’t make sense at all, because they expected me to graduate get a standard 9-5 job. But when they saw that I could make more than the average 9-5 wage from one bartending gig, it became easier to convince them.
My chemistry background applies to my job every day and informs the decisions behind each new signature I make. It’s very technical, and that’s what many Lagos restaurants get wrong. Only very few places bother to study how to mix drinks.
The path I have taken is somewhat unconventional — a long winding road, but I’m learning through every turn and becoming a better person with every step. My wrists hurt today. I must have made over 500 drinks last night, but I’m pleased.
Check back every Tuesday by 9 a.m. for more “A Week in the Life” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill out this form.
Let’s throw it back to the good ol’ days for a bit: WWE in the noughties was the pinnacle of wrestling. It had everything — from scantily-clad colourful characters to obviously scripted nail-biting action. These guys had our childhoods in a chokehold, and it was impossible not to find a wrestler that you could identify with.
Here’s what your favourite WWE character says about your childhood:
Brock Lesnar
You were the quiet and mysterious child from middle-class parents who came to school and looked like they had a bright future as a doctor. A lone ranger efiko who always ended up in the class’ top three at the end of every term, all your classmates secretly hated you because you didn’t join any cliques. These days, you probably have a job as a civil engineer at a construction company. Your former classmates look at your Facebook page from time to time and go, “A civil engineer? WTF?!”
Triple H
You were the child who knew what they wanted and would do anything to get it, including literally throwing your classmates under the bus. You eventually became a school big boy because you joined the right cliques and not for academic excellence. You topped all this off by becoming a bully in your senior year, which you parlayed into your current job: a General manager at a big company, who moonlights as a political godfather.
The Rock
You wanted to be cool so bad but you were a wimp who got picked last for everything. That all changed when you got to SS1 and got hit in the face by some piping hot puberty. Suddenly, all the girls/boys wanted to date you. You never let your newfound fame get to your head, though, remaining the loveable softie you’d always been. These days, you’re most likely a media person or a party planner. You love the limelight but you’re not consumed by it. Never change.
The Undertaker
All your classmates were scared of you because you liked horror films, wore black, and wrote a creepy diary. The air of mystery around you piqued the interest of all the girls/boys, but they all got over it when they found out your entire persona was an act. These days, you listen to heavy metal and write dark poetry on Facebook. No one takes you seriously.
Shawn Michaels
You were the arrogant brat who pretended his parents were rich so people would like you. Your name also used to appear at the top of the Noise Makers list every time with (3x) next to it. You’re now a front-end engineer who doubles as a Yoruba Demon.
John Cena
You were the straight A student who everybody loved. You always played by the rules and your parents were at the front row cheering you on during every prize-giving ceremoney. These days, you’re most likely a successful doctor who has japa’d and radiates good vibes on social media by encouraging people to take better care of themselves but not in a condescending way.
Big Show
You were the weirdly tall, chubby child who was often misunderstood. People warmed up to you in secondary school and started calling you “Gentle Giant” and “Biggie” because they realized that even though you looked intimidating, you were actually accommodating. You’re now a plant parent who posts pictures of their cats and maintains a rusty Instagram aesthetic.
Matt and Jeff Hardy
If you liked these guys, you’re bad vibes. Seriously.
Mr McMahon
You were the charismatic ring leader of every bad gang. Teachers couldn’t punish you sha because you were so damn charming. Your luck ran out when you led boys to jump fence to go and watch football and you were expelled from the hostel. But even as a day student, you still ran things in the boarding house. Now, you’re a Burna Boy fan and a crypto bro, which is the worst combination of things anybody can be.
Rey Mysterio
You were the easy-going child always radiating love and light. But bullies liked to pick on you. One day sha, you finally stood up for yourself and everyone grew to respect you. These days, you’re a LinkedIn influencer who writes motivational stuff on how people should chase their dreams. You’re a sucker for underdog stories and always root for the small guy. Your heart is soft, which unfortunately means that you’ve eaten a shit load of breakfast from Igbo women. I hope you find someone who will give you the peace of mind you deserve.
Kane
The intimidating kid who could be friendly when you got close to them. You still keep to yourself and get shit done. These days, you’re most likely an executive at a high-growth startup who is also an activist and who everybody respects and looks up to on Twitter. You’re also probably a Ronaldo fan.
Hulk Hogan
You were the child who started working out before it became a fad. You were also smart and dependable, letting people copy you during exams. You grew up, got into tech, and became obsessed with money. Now, nobody can talk to you on Twitter if they don’t earn in dollars.
Edge
Wow. This means that you were awful as a child, and you probably still are. Get help.
You ever craved food that’s so popular, but when you finally got the chance to try it, it was disappointing? These five Nigerians spoke to me about their first-time experiences tasting these popular foods.
“Harry Styles doesn’t value the vagina he was singing about” — Nini
I bought a pack of strawberries from Shoprite thinking I had arrived. Turns out, I hadn’t. They were bland. I wondered maybe it’s the ones I got, that maybe it’s like agbalumo — you need luck to get sweet ones. My sister laughed at me and told me strawberries only have aesthetics. Which is why I Iow-key feel like Harry Styles doesn’t value that vagina he was singing for, talmabout, “Tastes like strawberries, on a summer evening.” If I slap him.
“Meat pie was such a let-down” — Aishatu
When I was a child, I used to hate meat pie because of the filling. I could only stand Sweet Sensation’s meat pie crust because it reminded me of sausages. When I was 17 and broke AF, I had this insane craving for meat pie. A kiosk had just opened near my house and was the happening spot. I saved money to buy their meat pie and didn’t eat for the whole day. It was quite a struggle because I only ever saved up for books. When I bought the meat pie and went home, I was like, “Ahhh, I’m going to enjoy today!” But when I bit into the meat pie, it felt like I was tasting death.
“I vomited after eating pizza” — Joseph
I saw pizza a lot on TV: how excited people would get they ordered it and thought to myself that pizza must be really good. In 2016, I tried pizza for the first time. It tasted like eating mucus with dry bread. I threw up.
“No one actually likes seafood; it’s peer pressure” — TK
You see seafood on Insta stories when people do “We outside!” The day, I tried it, I was so mad. I bought a platter an oyster and one thing one thing like that at one of these fancy Lagos restaurants, and I couldn’t just eat it. I took photos of it and posted on IG sha, make I no carry last. When I left the restaurant, I went to The Place to buy jollof rice. God no go shame me.
“Dark chocolate looks nice. Egungun be careful” —Tobi
What can go wrong with chocolate? A lot. I mean, regular chocolate is great, and goes well with everything — cake, Milo, Ovaltine, etc. But omo, I regret the day my inquisitive ass used my own money to buy 70% dark chocolate. It looks as tempting as regular chocolate, but I’m lucky I didn’t buy pure chocolate like my friend. I’d have hated myself.
Chasing a university degree in Nigeria is extreme sports; maybe that’s why Nigerian university students do the most.
Here are the wildest things students do in Nigerian universities.
1. Party all night and still make it to morning classes
Nigerian students would spend the night cubbing and still show up at a 7 a.m. class the next day. These days, capitalism has us by our throats. If you try going “outside” on a Sunday night, you can almost die at 9 a.m. meeting the next day. Life comes at you fast.
2. Students on drugs
This thing was a whole pandemic. One day in DELSU, this guy had a seizure in the middle of a 500L exam. Turns out he’d overdosed on drugs. Bro, you’re literally at the finish line. Whyyyyy?
Some other guy stole his drug test results from the school hospital. He got caught and expelled.
3. Receiving awards with convoys
Wannabe student celebs would pay departmental directors of socials to give them awards. At the departmental night, when the awardees were called to receive the award, every single person they knew would dance with them to the podium to receive the award. Make it make sense!
4. Ponzi Schemes
Fam, this was a whole pandemic that year. You couldn’t walk five steps without someone approaching you to “bring someone”. After the first ponzi wave passed — when schemes like MMM and Ultimate Cycler crashed — students started building websites that’d crash after 30 minutes. The race to cash out was insane because people knew they’d lose serious money but were still willing to bet on being one of the first to “get help”. Fam, 2016 was the pits!
5. Going to Night Class to sleep
People literally left the comfort of their beds and braved the dangerous night streets, only to go and sleep on wooden desks after 10 minutes of cramming.
6. Sex in strange places during Night Class
People were having sex on the staircase of Carver Building, fam! They’d read for like 30 minutes and then sneak out one after the other for “fresh air”. A couple in Babcock University was caught having sex in the gutter — a dry gutter, but still.
7. Going to the school library to sleep
People who usually did these were those serious but average students who you’d only ever see in class. After classes, they’d head to the library until night. You’d think they were always reading but guy, na disguise. Have you ever been to Nnamdi Azikiwe Library in UNN? That’s the most comfortable place to sleep in the whole school, and those students took full advantage.
8. “Airport flights”
This was more of a survival skill. Male hostels are the absolute ghetto. Typically poorly maintained, nobody uses the shared toilets unless you want to invite diseases into your body. So, students would wait until night, stroll into the surrounding bushes (the “airport”), spread a nylon bag and squat. Once they were done, they’d fling the bag of shit further into the bush — catching flights.
If you have rich friends, you can relate to the occasional enjoyment. However, it can get really awkward at times. Have you ever received an expensive gift that was hard to maintain or replace? Well, these five Nigerians have, and they told us their struggles with receiving expensive gifts.
Abike, 24
In early 2020, a man who liked me bought me perfume. I later Googled the name of the scent and found out the price. It was then I realized that after smelling like a daydream, I’d go back to Nivea and Smart Collection. It’s 2022 now, and there’s still some left. I’ve been using it sparsely ever since because, omooo. Perfume wey predate pandemic till now just because of sapa. One day one day sha.
Vivian, 28
My older friend got me my first Bath and Body Works bundle a few years ago, and I loved them; only for me to go looking for them in Nigeria and find the shock of my life. The products were way too expensive for me, but I closed my eyes and bought them anyway. When you start using luxury, it’s hard to go back. I kept buying them for a few more months until I realized that my income was suffering as a result. I had to go back to using Dove until last year when my income shot up and I could afford Bath and Body Works again.
Uchechi, 23
My current phone is an iPhone 11 Pro Max, which my three sisters contributed and gifted to me at my graduation. I treat it like an egg because if the screen breaks, I’ll just go back to Infinix. I won’t carry my house rent to replace the screen when I’m not mad. I’m just begging my Chi and my screen guard to understand our days of little beginnings so that we won’t go back to the gutter.
Mike, 32
Someone I used to be friends with went and bought me skincare products that cost almost N100k. I rejected the gift because I would not be able to afford new products after exhausting the one she bought for me. It did not make sense to me to go from using Irish Spring and vibes to spending half my monthly salary on skincare. It caused problems between me and her because how she go look me reason say I fit afford that kind thing? All she needed to do was ask me what I wanted. That’s what rich people never understand. They’re so all up in their world that they think everyone must like expensive gifts even when the gifts are not functional. Abeg.
Lydia, 28
An uncle gave me a smartwatch in 2017. I was in NYSC then, broke as a church rat. The straps fell off, and I couldn’t replace them because they were too expensive. I also couldn’t find them in Nigeria. I had to abandon the smartwatch for years. Last year, I found something that could hold the watch, but it wasn’t a perfect fit. I managed it for a short while, and then one day, the watch fell off and got lost. Losing the smartwatch hurt me so much, even till today.
Why is personal income such a taboo topic to Nigerians? Is it due to classism or feelings of inadequacy? Or have we been conditioned to think talking about money is boastful or tacky?
We asked seven Nigerians why they don’t talk about money, and here’s what they said:
Precious, 27
Shame, dear. How do you tell your friends and classmates who expect big things from you that you’re earning ₦30k a month? Thankfully sha, Jesus died and took my shame away. Now, I can freely talk about it while searching for a better job.
Victor*, 28
People suddenly turn to personal accountants, calculating your salary and how much you should be able to give them. One time I was talking with a classmate about needing to get to sabo that evening and change money. He asked, “You get paid in dollars?” I said yes. He asked, “How much?” and without thinking, I mentioned it. After five minutes of whyning me, we switched topics, and I thought that was the end of it.
He later called to ask if I could help him with ₦30k. I explained why I couldn’t give him. I had been robbed and was trying to replace my gadgets and pay outstanding bills. Then the dude went, “If you give me 30k, you will have so and so left. You can buy a laptop for this amount, use this to do this and that and still have so and so left. I just hung up.
Oluchi*, 24
Once people realise how much they earn, it affects how we relate. On the one hand, I feel entitled to their wealth if I know they earn a lot. I have tech bro friends who I occasionally try to bill because they make a lot of money — sometimes I have to check myself from going overboard. On the other hand, for people who don’t earn much, I find myself excusing them from responsibility or overcompensating by being overly pitiful. In my experience, no decent person likes to be pitied as it makes them feel small.
Arit*, 35
Many people believe in jazz. I don’t know that I do, but I’m nervous about discussing my salary because you never know who is who. Just to be on the same side, I don’t talk about my salary. Village people are active o and me I don’t want to jinx anything. It’s also a similar reason why people don’t talk about their japa plans until they have settled in the abroad.
Muyiwa*, 20
I’m a software engineer employed at an abroad company, and I’m yet to graduate from university. Initially, I didn’t have problems disclosing my salary. However, I noticed that relatives thought it was too much money for a “small boy”. According to them — especially the boomers — I had no responsibilities. Someone even wanted my mother to be keeping money for me as if I’m ten years old. At some point, I stopped spending my own money because I didn’t want to hurt other people’s feelings. Funny enough, I don’t think it’s a lot, and I hope to 3X my salary this year.
Femi, 23
While I’m not particularly secretive about my earnings, I don’t go into the details. Instead of disclosing figures, I keep my income vague because people do usually ment. I’d hate to wake up to texts from people precisely breaking down my earnings and trying to show me how my giving them a part of it won’t bother my life.
Farida*, 32
I don’t want people to rate my lifestyle based on how they think I spend. Somebody can start judging you for things you buy or don’t buy because they think you’re living above your means. Also, sometimes it’s to keep families from inviting unnecessary wahala. So I’d rather remain silent.
But many people get underpaid because they don’t discuss how much they earn. It’s crazy.
Itodo Samuel Anthony taught math, chemistry and physics in the village for six years. In that time, he transformed the learning culture of his community, won The Future Africa Award for Education and was named in the top 50 at the Global Teacher Prize. How did he achieve these feats?
As told to Ama Udofa
First teaching experience
I finished secondary school in 2002 and needed a job to keep me busy during my gap year. While going around the neighbourhood, I saw an advert — a secondary school needed a math teacher. I didn’t want to stay at home, so I thought, “At all at all na him bad pass.”
I didn’t even have an application letter because I was never planned to teach. I’d been a very timid teenager. Back in secondary school, If I had a question, I’d ask a classmate to help me relay the question to the teacher. I passed the hiring process, and the proprietor was surprised because I was just 16 and did better than applicants with tertiary education. He refused to offer me the teaching job, though, because he didn’t expect a child to teach children. Instead, he assigned me to teach math in the primary school section.
On my first day at work, I was so nervous. But the moment I opened my mouth, everything fell into place, and it felt like I was born for the moment.
What came after
I taught in schools until I got admitted to university to study petroleum engineering. I wasn’t a serious student at all. I rarely went to class. When people are going to class, I’d be sleeping. But I made up for this by studying at night and reading ahead of schedule. One of the rare times I went to class, a lecturer asked a calculus question. I thought it was simple, but nobody could answer it in a hall of over 800 students. The silence was so resounding that I froze when the lecturer called my name. Apparently, my right hand was up, even though I didn’t know how it got there. I solved the question and instantly became popular.
Immediately I sat down, three ladies came to sit with me. I quickly become popular — among peers, admirers, struggling students, et cetera. I started a study group in Uniport, which evolved into a tutorial class with me as the teacher.
From petroleum engineering to full-time teaching
My plan was to finish school and work in the oil industry for a couple of years — maybe five, ten years max, make money, then venture into an agro enterprise. When I retired, I would teach in a secondary school.
But…
After Uniport, I got a Masters’ scholarship abroad at Herriot Watt University in 2013. When I came back, I searched for the elusive job in Oil & Gas for four months. I got tired of waiting and went into the streets to search for teaching jobs as I did all those years ago. I found a teaching job for ₦20K per month, but I didn’t stay long.
A pastor owned the school, so it was ironic when he wanted me to “help” the students cheat during WAEC. I refused. The payment wasn’t much anyway, but my time had to be worth something. The SS3 students became disrespectful when the principal turned them against me by telling them I had no plans to supply them with exam expo.
There was no point teaching if I would still have to feed them answers during exams, so I resigned.
Relocating to Benue State
My father owns a school in Makurdi, but I turned down the offer because they already had teachers and solid facilities. I decided to go somewhere I could fulfil a great need. In 2014, I travelled to Otukpa, a village on the outskirts of Benue State, where I lived and taught for six years.
Gateway Excel College needed a math teacher, so I filled the role. I also taught chemistry. I noticed that the students didn’t have any internal motivation; they just went to school routinely with no real prospects. I think that being a student should mean much more.
Revamping the learning culture
At once, I noticed that most students forget 80% of what they wrote in the exam almost immediately after. I thought there was a better way to learn and build life skills. For me, the focus was leadership, responsibility and critical thinking. I noticed that students were not thinking at all; they were primarily just receptors of information. I had a student in class who everyone regarded as a lord. He was good, but he was only good at memorising. The problem with memorising is that it blocks your ability to think.
There were no extra-curricular activities. I wanted to change the way the students approached learning. I founded a JETS club for senior secondary students, and they were so excited that they formed a junior JETS club for junior students. Other teachers were inspired, and in time, an Arts and Social Club and Press Club were created, which provided students with additional avenues to learn and express themselves.
Learning should make people productive, to be able to solve problems, not just be fixated on cramming theory. So I introduced projects to the school. I sourced computers and tutorials for them to get their hands busy.
The third major problem was that students were ignorant of the world outside Otukpa. So, I implemented game shows and challenges to get students involved in current affairs and learn more about Nigeria and the world. Winners enjoyed perks like being the president of the school for one week. The biggest challenge was that students didn’t have phones and couldn’t access the internet. When I first joined, only one student in the school had an email account. I had to start an e-Library.
Funding the dream
I loved my work so much that I couldn’t stop talking about it. I made Facebook my daily journal and wrote about my work and students. People got interested — It was fascinating that someone could be so passionate about teaching in such circumstances and bought into the vision.
Take the e-Library project, for example; one lady gave us money for four computers. Someone sent us money to refurbish a room and set up a computer room. Someone sent money to hire buses for our excursions. Stardust Technologies visited and installed solar electricity for free. The support was amazing and transformed the way students approached learning. Students started researching, creating, applying for scholarships, grants, et cetera.
I founded the New Frontiers Youth Forum, which served as an umbrella for these initiatives. We started a fund to help students gain access to healthcare as we had previously lost two students to easily preventable deaths. We also granted seed funding to women in the community to start small businesses.
Resisting exam malpractice
So the routine is, everyone loved me until exam week. I am staunchly against cheating. Even external invigilators for exams like WAEC and NECO didn’t like me. It’s not like people had a lot of money to spend on malpractice as my school wasn’t giving them any money anyway. It was mostly a case of, “Please just help our children na.”
I resisted it because I knew my students had the ability, but everyone around them was doing it, cheating was almost cultural. Gradually though, more students started to attempt exams without resorting to malpractice.
Personal finances and lifestyle
When I started, I was earning ₦18,000 monthly. It grew to ₦25,000 and later peaked at ₦50k in the final two years before leaving Nigeria. But I managed okay. I lived in an uncle’s house free of charge and didn’t have any black tax to pay. My mum wanted to finish me with homemade food. I also kept to myself a lot. My only splurging — if you would call it that — was stepping out to watch football on weekends at a viewing centre.
The school was my life, and I didn’t have time for much else. By village standards, the money was enough for me to survive. I was even able to pay school fees for some students. Also, every once in a while, someone from Facebook would send me a cash gift to appreciate my work.
Life in the village got boring sometimes. I’d think, “If to say I dey Lagos now, I for dey see better thing.” There weren’t many people I could sit and talk with because we had too little in common. But all in all, I loved the serenity of the village.
The Global Teacher Prize and The Future Awards Africa Prize for Education
In 2017, I learned about the Global Teacher Prize — the world’s most prestigious teacher prize. I’d won a few competitions before, but I was particularly interested in this prize because it wasn’t academic. Instead, it rewarded people for the impact they’d made in the lives of their students. Everything I’d done in my career prepared me for the recognition, but I didn’t apply for the prize that year because I felt my resume wasn’t strong enough. I spent another year doing more work in the school and the community before applying for the prize in 2018 when I got nominated in the top 50. The same year, I received The Future Awards Africa Prize for Education.
Career motivation and personal values
One thing that kept me going was my value system. Even though I earned a paltry salary, no one could shame me. I was convinced that I was doing a noble job. If someone talked down to me, what would they use to shame me? My low salary? The reason I earned a meagre wage was that I was teaching. And teaching is something that no one shouldn’t be ashamed of. Of course, there were times when I felt pressured, but I loved and believed in my work. I once interned at an oil servicing company, and it was terrible. I could not wait for 5 p.m. every day. With teaching, it was different — I was fully invested.
But I knew that I had to leave the village at some point because I wasn’t going to start a family on a ₦20k salary. However, I left Otukpa a fulfilled man. And I am grateful for the opportunity to have made a lasting impact.
What’s next?
I’m at the point where money is becoming more important to me. I’m thinking of starting a family, so the pressure on me to make money now is stronger. I’ve always prioritised job satisfaction over money, but right now, If I’m offered a job I don’t like, I can’t tell if I would refuse it. One thing I know for sure, though, is if I’m doing a job I don’t like, I’m not going to be there for long.
I’m currently on a Masters scholarship studying Sustainable International Development at Brandeis University. I’d love to work in the field and contribute actively to underserved societies. I think I’ll still end up in the classroom eventually. There are so many paths to take, and I intend to refine my plans next year. The future is uncertain, and I am excited to embrace new opportunities.
They may have been funny at first, but Comrade memes have drawn criticism on the internet as symbols of bullying, misogyny and hate. What changed?
It’s the bad vibes of the people who use it the most. Always under posts calling FemCo thieves or slut-shaming people or homophobia. When certain people are the majority that use a thing, you can’t help being turned off by it. https://t.co/lnNMcuEQ5u
When Comrade memes launched into Nigerian Twitter, it was hard to ignore the similarities between the green frog head — laughing with abnormally large teeth — and the now infamous Pepe the Frog. It’s pretty much Pepe’s smiling cousin.
The comrade meme was mostly used in friendly football banter. But then it blew up, and even fun contests were made in true meme fashion.
Insert Comrade in the title of your favorite movie let’s see if it fits.🤣
I’ll start: Harry Potter and the Comrade of Azkaban.
In December 2021, a Twitter user posted a screenshot outing a man who had sent her nude photos. She was trolled, harassed, bullied for exposing her harasser. Shortly after, she tweeted pictures of herself in a skimpy outfit, and in minutes, several comrade memes were edited onto her photos with lewd, insulting watermarks and caustic commentary.
Over time, the meme became a mainstay in problematic engagement online: to derail a socially conscious topic, to shut down threads made by women decrying abuse or outing abusers, to “ratio” feminists who made tweets in defiance of the patriarchy.
Threads written by people of marginalised demographics are usually derailed by garish versions of the Comrade meme. Concerned users started to denounce the memes.
Every time you see NG Twitter downplaying misogyny, homophobia or any form of bigotry, you’ll find those memes there. Look at what they did to Ore with it for example. I have come to hate what it is associated with. https://t.co/zrMdwZcYW0
Since the start of the internet, users have created — and reinvented — over-the-top images, footage and comics with the intent of making others laugh. And we get it. Memes make social media more bearable, breathe life into conversations and make context-perfect Whatsapp stickers.
Memes are an integral part of internet pop culture, but each wave is short-lived. They’re around until they’re no longer funny or until another meme takes its place.
Twitter has become too serious man, the only thing keeping twitter fun rn is comrade memes which would soon fade away 😭
The evolution of each meme is, however, unpredictable. Most memes are hilarious, engaging and versatile, but some eventually take on darker meaning, allowing people with harmful intentions to twist images into something sinister.
Relax, it’s just cruise — but is it, though?
To critique the comrade memes, we would have to critique meme culture. Do the memes have messages themselves? Do we stop using memes just because problematic demographics had adopted them for their unsavoury intents? What is it that makes certain memes align with controversy?
In the age of the internet, information spreads instantly and the meanings of images change just as fast. The infamous Pepe meme, for example, started out as a lovable, calm comic and morphed into a tool for hate, toxicity, and alt-right rhetoric — contrary to its creator’s intents.
People hate comrade memes because they are associated with a certain arm of Twitter NG. Every other reason is a lie.
As fun as they may be, memes can be double-edged. The same things that make them fun can also make them vessels for the darker sides of the internet — corrosive humour, bigotry, bullying, sexual harassment, etc. These downsides are often overshadowed by how benign the memes appear — “Relax, it’s just a meme.”
So do we throw the comrade meme away?
The transient nature of meme culture makes it impossible to predict its usage. However, attempting to understand — or even empathise with — the criticism of memes deemed problematic is what will steer helpful conversations forward.
Much too often, marginalised groups are targeted by internet trolls armed with memes. If so many people hide behind a particular meme to make harassment seem agreeable due to humour, perhaps it is not a huge ask to pause and ask why?
I forgot to add that comrade memes are literally everywhere on the twitter space. Obviously they would be used by misogynists and homophobes too. I mean would you stop using twitter because there are a lot of misogynists and homophobes on Nigerian twitter? Ehn?
Sometimes, we tend to focus on just the content we look at — just the photo, the gif, the videos, the Quote retweets on Twitter, the “coldness” of the ratio — rather than the very real people being affected by them.
Memes aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. The Comrade will come and go. New ones — and their iterations — will dominate the internet. No one is saying don’t have fun. But at some point, we may need to pause and think beyond the pixels, the ratios, and the excitement — about how real people are being hurt unprovoked — and how our “cruise” may make that hurt worse.
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