Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Kayode* (22) and Bukunmi* (21) went to the same secondary school but only grew close in 2024.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about their slow-burn romance, how his dad’s warning about women in his house led to a breakup, and the female friends they still disagree about.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Kayode: 2018. I’d just transferred to Bukunmi’s secondary school, and she was one of the first students I noticed. Obviously, it wasn’t anything romantic back then. I just liked the vibe around her. I also noticed that she always looked really neat whenever she showed up at school. A cute-looking, prim and proper student. But we weren’t really talking yet, since I was new and was just finding my way around the school.
Bukunmi: I have a similar memory of Kayode. The first time I saw him was when he joined our class. I didn’t think much of him at first; he was just one of the boys. But over time, I started to notice that he was quite uppity, almost notorious to a degree. If anything was happening, you’d find him in the middle of it, causing trouble. I didn’t like that about him, but since we weren’t close, it didn’t bother me.
Did you guys eventually strike up a friendship?
Bukunmi: It was more like a friend of a friend of a friend situation, so I mostly observed him from a distance. I’d call us acquaintances, not friends.
Kayode: Actually, there were about four of the other guys. We all used to walk home together after school. Over time, being in the same space and the same conversation led to jokes, then small talk, then proper conversations. But it still wasn’t anything deep or direct in that manner of a serious friendship
Bukunmi: Then he switched schools again and stopped coming to our school in 2020. I didn’t really see him around after he left, except once, when I saw him on the way back from church. We just talked for a few minutes, and then we both went our separate ways.
Kayode: Life was also just happening around that period. The COVID pandemic hit and I went to stay with my aunt. We both graduated from secondary school by 2021, but by that time, we weren’t really keeping track of what was happening in each other’s lives. There was a quiet zone for about two or three years. Bukunmi had built this wall around herself and wasn’t really talking to anyone from our class.
Bukunmi: Secondary school felt toxic to me, and I didn’t have many real friends. Once I was out, I didn’t see the point of keeping up the pretence, so I let most people go. The ones who were real stayed.
Got it. Let’s talk about your reunion. How and when did that happen?
Kayode: Sometimes in 2024, I saw Bukunmi in a picture that a friend had shared on WhatsApp, and I thought she looked really nice, compared to the last time I saw her in school. I asked the friend for her number, and two days later, he told me she’d denied my request. It stung a little, but I kept it moving.
About a month after that, a female friend posted Bukunmi’s picture on WhatsApp and she piqued my interest again. Just like the last time, I asked that friend if she could help me get Bukunmi’s number. I got the number this time around, and I remember my first message to her was “hi stranger.”
Bukunmi: I think I should clear up what happened with the first guy. He had some level of interest in me, so he never actually delivered Kayode’s first message to me. So I was entirely clueless about that first message. But when my female friend told me Kayode wanted my number, I said, “Sure, give it to him.”
I remember we chatted for quite some time that day. Tried to catch up on old times and just find out what’s going on in our lives. It was just a very easy, laid-back conversation. He tried to continue the next day, and at that point, I wondered why he was pushing, so I didn’t reply. But he was persistent. I could tell he just wanted to keep talking, so I let my guard down, and we just spent the two weeks talking on and off. That’s when he found out I was at UNILAG, and I also found out he wasn’t too far away.
Kayode: To be fair, I started out just trying to catch up. But when I saw her picture, I wanted to try my best. My former classmates had told me she wasn’t replying to anybody and had blocked everyone, and that gave me the ginger to push on. One day, I intentionally posted a photo of the pizza and ice cream I was having on my status, hoping it would get her attention. It did.
Bukunmi: Here’s the thing. I hadn’t saved his number the entire time we’d been texting. However, the very day I decided to save the number was the same day I saw his status. I’d only commented on the pizza because we were texting each other and he’d told me he was bored. I was curious how he could be bored if he was treating himself. He said he’d only gone to order and was back at his house. Then he asked if I’d like to meet.
Right. Did you agree?
Bukunmi: In the end, I did. But I initially complained that the sun was too hot, and he did the very gentlemanly thing of sending a ride to come pick me. When I saw him, I thought, a typical Igbo boy. After four years, I’d expected him to be taller and to have a beard. I don’t even know what exactly I expected; I just thought there’d be a significant difference from the last time I saw him.
Anyway, he offered me ice cream almost immediately, and I declined. I asked to go to his house to talk instead. Even there, I only took water. We spent the afternoon catching up and I also watched a cartoon.
Kayode: I kept her company, I made her laugh, and I don’t think she’d laughed that much in a long time. I think she also forgot to add the part where I followed her on the ride back to her hostel. I just wanted to make sure she got home safe.
Awwwn. Sounds cute. How did things go over the next few days?
Kayode: I didn’t waste time at all. When she got home that day, I sent a text asking if she’d like to go out for dinner or something like that. And she didn’t mind. Her response gave me the confidence to keep pushing, and from then on, we started hanging out frequently.
Bukunmi: That meeting changed how I saw him. I’d always thought of him as the troublesome and uppity guy from secondary school, but the version of him I hung out with was super cool and reserved. I wondered where he’d been all this time.
As he said, the next day, he asked me to meet him at Rubels and Angels, a restaurant I’d pointed out on the ride home the previous day. I was actually just finishing up from class that day and wasn’t really up to it. But he sent this hilarious sticker of Kayodeo on his knees and begged me to come, so I went.
We stayed there for about five minutes, then he asked me to follow him home. I told him that wasn’t the plan, but he begged again and I agreed. Unfortunately, I lost track of time watching a cartoon on his phone. We couldn’t get a ride, so I ended up spending the night.
Oh
Bukunmi: He was actually quite reassuring. He took the chair and made sure he wasn’t in close proximity to me. He also lent me his clothes when I told him I had nothing to wear. It was just a really chill night. The next day, he didn’t wake up until late in the afternoon, even though I’d planned to have an early start. I couldn’t leave his house without saying goodbye because it would have been weird. So I waited until he was up. When he woke up, this guy asked us to grab lunch and somehow ended up taking us on a long trip to Ikeja. Eventually, we had another super late day, so I stayed another night.
I see. Was it still platonic at this point, though?
Kayode: Not entirely for me. I’d brought up my feelings, but I was vague about it. I told her there was someone I liked, and I didn’t know if she liked me back. I think the reason I wanted us to spend so much time together was so she could see I could be intentional. I wanted her to see that I wasn’t the boy she knew four years earlier, and I could be someone she could love. But I don’t think she was seeing things the same way because she kept offering to help me text this “someone”.
Bukunmi: So, during a previous conversation, I’d told him I was single and not searching. He was single, too, but he made it clear that he was searching. I took the conversation at face value and didn’t think much of it. During one of our random conversations, he said girls are hard to read and that he doesn’t like rejection because some give you a green light and then turn you down. I kept encouraging him to actually share his feelings with this person; at the very least, he should try.
Then, I had this lightbulb moment where I just replayed everything he’d said and how things had played out between us in the last few weeks, and I wondered if he meant me. So I asked him directly if the girl he was talking about was me.
How did he answer?
Kayode: I said no at first. I didn’t see any excitement on her face when she asked that question, and I got scared. I thought I’d misread the signals. She, however, told me not to lie, and I eventually confessed.
Bukunmi: I also asked if I’d been doing anything to make him think I nurtured feelings like that towards him. I thought everything we’d been doing had been strictly platonic.
Still, I pressed further and asked what he wanted to do next now that the information was out there. A friendship, situationship or a relationship? I needed to know. He said a relationship and didn’t say anything. At that point, I had to ask if he wasn’t going to ask me the big question. Then he went, “would you like to be my girlfriend?” I teased him and said I didn’t hear, and he asked again.
I said I’d think about it, and he said, please don’t. I was too shy to say it to his face, so I sent my yes on WhatsApp while we were in the same room. We became official on May 10th, 2024.
Sounds sweet. But what made you change your mind, Bukunmi? You mentioned earlier that you weren’t searching.
Bukunmi: I took stock of the last couple of weeks together. He followed me home, opened doors for me, cared about my day, and wanted to be involved. I thought that if we ever took this further, he could be a good candidate. I’d met a few guys that year, and there was another one around, but Kayode was faster, and I’d seen him in person many times. I also felt safe, because he already knew a little about me. It was worth a try.
Got it. Let’s talk about the early days of the relationship. What was that like?
Kayode: It was a fun time for me. This was my first meaningful relationship, so I felt like I’d taken on a responsibility. We were always going out and trying new things. We had our version of the honeymoon phase.
Bukunmi: I disagree. I think we started having hiccups right from the first month. He’d leave me on read for a whole day, and I’d just be worried sick. When we were friends, I let that go, but I told him I didn’t think this was for me if he wouldn’t communicate. Thankfully, he didn’t get defensive. He apologised and asked what I expected from him communication-wise. I told him to keep me in the loop, and after that, I noticed a significant improvement.
Kayode: The truth is, I wasn’t used to updating anyone about my day-to-day, so it felt a little foreign. I trade, and on bad days, I drop my phone and ghost everyone. But after she brought it up, I made it a duty. I started telling her how I woke up and what I did before I slept. I started calling and video calling, too.
Fair enough. I’m guessing you guys were able to navigate your issues easily.
Kayode: Yes. But we did have our first major fight this year, about three months ago.
What happened?
Kayode: So I had a conversation with my dad, and he warned me about getting distracted by girls. He said I shouldn’t let any girl stay with me. Bukunmi and I were staying together at the time, so I told her I wanted to switch things up. I told her I needed to be in a position where I was the one doing the chasing. I should be the one to come look for her and visit her. So I asked her to return to her place. It was just a very awkward moment.
Bukunmi: In April 2025, I had accommodation issues at school, and Kayode offered his place. I was reluctant to move in with him at first, but he pushed for it and I eventually agreed. He even gave me my own key to his house. Still, I gave myself a month to figure out my accommodation issues and move out.
When I eventually got my own place sorted, I tried to return Kayode’s key and move out, but he didn’t want me to leave. He was constantly saying he missed me whenever I wasn’t around. So, in a way, I continued staying with him. Then, earlier this year, during a phone conversation, his dad heard my voice in the background and gave him a pep talk about having women around. The very next day, Kayode switched up. It was so strange, because he’d always wanted me there.
I mean, I wasn’t against what his dad said. But I didn’t understand why the switch-up was so fast, especially when I’d been the one asking to go back to my place. I eventually left because he couldn’t give any strong explanation. The issue dragged on for weeks and then months. Whenever I asked to come over, he’d refuse.
Kayode: Eventually, it got to the point where we considered ending things. I said we should just be friends or take a break, and she said no. She said breaks aren’t healthy, and that’s how people grow apart. Instead, we agreed to a situationship for a week. Just to keep a pulse on things and see how things went.
And how did that go?
Kayode: Well, there was an incident with another girl. The babe visited my house for a business meeting. And in the spirit of honesty, I sent Bukunmi a picture of the girl’s sitting position, so she could see I wasn’t hiding anything. But that wasn’t enough.
She told me to move the meeting outside, and I refused. Then she said, “Kayode, we are done.”
Bukunmi: I’d already put up with the thing about his dad, and now he was letting someone who likes him into his space. When he said I was making demands when we weren’t together, I was done.
I should add that there was history with this girl. I knew she liked him, and she knew he had a girlfriend; yet she always wanted to be around him. They used to meet outside, but as soon as I moved out of the house, they suddenly started meeting inside. It didn’t make sense to me that he’d be accepting of bringing temptations like that around him.
After about a month away from his place, he invited me to spend the night with him. During that period, I found out he’d visited this girl after she had a health issue, and he hid it from me. He was supposed to go get pizza, but since we share location on iMessage, I found out he was at the hospital, visiting that same girl. He admitted he didn’t tell me because I’d say no. We got into a lengthy conversation about boundaries that night.
Twelve hours later, while looking through his phone, I saw a message from him telling her he missed her. He said he was only empathising. I let it go, but I made sure to go see her myself.
Wait, what?
Bukunmi: Men bring out the demon in women. I needed to go size up my competition and see what the fuss was about.
Kayode: I didn’t think that was necessary because she was never Bukunmi’s competition.
Bukunmi: But your actions proved otherwise.
Kayode: But I’ve moved past it.
Right. Speaking of moving on, how did you guys resolve your issues?
Kayode: She broke up with me in August. But I was right back in her DM the day after she broke up. I sent her a message apologising and saying I would set better boundaries.
Later, I asked if we could go on a staycation together. She was reluctant at first because we were technically broken up, but she eventually agreed. Then she said I had to apologise again and ask her to be my girlfriend all over again. I did.
Bukunmi: That’s the abridged version, but I didn’t make it easy for him. He kept dropping random messages in my inbox, and I’d acknowledge them, but things were still not the same. Eventually, the staycation happened, and I grudgingly agreed. The whole time, I was waiting for him to take accountability and actually apologise for what happened, but he didn’t. I think he must have noticed my countenance. Then he asked what happened, and I told him how I was feeling. Everything ended with him asking me out again, and that’s how we got back together.
Good for you, guys. And how do you handle boundaries now?
Bukunmi: I’m fine with setting them. I never told him his female friends can’t visit. I was specific about this one girl, because I told him she was moving funny before he even realised she liked him.
Kayode: I have a lot of female friends, some I’ve known for a long time, and I find it hard to tell them they can’t come to my house. If someone leaves their home to see me because I haven’t texted in a while, I don’t want to leave them outside. I don’t think buying a friend lunch is a crime.
Bukunmi: Again, I only have an issue with just one girl, not all his female friends. This girl says her roommates don’t like her, and the only person who does is my own partner. If I had a male friend like that, how would he feel?
What do you think a compromise would look like, Kayode?
Kayode: I thought sending the photo with her in the room would reassure Bukunmi, because I was being transparent. She didn’t buy it. I think I just need to enforce boundaries and tell my female friends what we can and can’t do.
Got it. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Kayode: She’s intentional, loving, forgiving, and sweet. My family knows her and likes her for her personality. I also like that she loves love.
Bukunmi: He always wants to get better. When I tell him something I’m not comfortable with, he asks how he can improve, and that has kept us going. He’s also very caring, and he’ll help people around him even when it’s inconvenient.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Bukunmi: An 8. After everything we’ve been through, we still chose each other. When we were separated, we could have forgotten each other, but we gave each other another chance.
Kayode: A 9.5. I don’t think I’ve experienced this kind of love before, and I want to hold on to it for a long time.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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