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How long have you been with your partner?

David and I started dating around the end of January, so we’ve been together for about five months.

How did you meet?

We met at my office in 2025. He’s a major supplier of electronic gadgets and occasionally does business with my boss. He started asking me out since the first time we met. 

He was always telling me he liked me, asking for my number so we could “get to know each other” every time he came to our office. He’d also drop cash, sometimes up to ₦50k, for me and my two female colleagues to “do weekend.” 

I didn’t take him seriously at first. Maybe it was because of how quickly he came on to me. I just assumed he was the kind of man who loved to chase women. The constant spending didn’t help either. It felt like he liked trying to impress women, and I was definitely not impressed.

What changed your mind?

After months of his pestering, my colleague noticed and convinced me to give him a chance. We went to the cinema, then went to his house after the movie, and he ordered food. 

When the food came, he dished it out and served me. That seems like a small detail, but I thought it was sweet. I’ve dated men who expected me to cook for them the first time I visited, but David served me and did the dishes after. He didn’t allow me to lift a finger. I felt valued. 

We talked regularly after that, and I enjoyed his company. He was also very intentional. He’d randomly order food to the office for me. One time, he sent me ₦5k airtime because, according to him, I wasn’t calling him enough and he always wanted to hear my voice. I’m not even sure exactly when we transitioned to dating. We just went from me doing shakara to constantly talking and then calling each other cute pet names.

So, what has five-ish months of dating been like?

It’s been really interesting. Being with David has helped me become a better version of myself. I used to be really quick to judge people and lose my temper, but he’s teaching me the importance of patience.

He’s also really generous. I used to be dependent on loan apps, because to be honest, a ₦120k salary in Lagos is nothing. But I can’t remember the last time I had to take a loan because he’s randomly sending me money. In a month, I get up to ₦100k from him. For someone like me, who struggles to ask their partner for money, it’s like living in a dream. 

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Is it safe to assume you’re both transparent with your finances?

Well, he knows how much I earn because I told him — it came up when I was complaining to him about being broke — but I don’t have a clear sense of his finances. I know he clearly has money, but that’s about it. I don’t think that’s a big deal, though. I can’t be asking him how much he has or anything like that.

What kind of money conversations do you and David have?

It’s mostly him helping my life, haha. Though recently, we’ve been talking, more like arguing, about how an ideal marriage should run.

We were discussing a movie we saw together when David revealed that he doesn’t believe married women should work. I thought he was joking, but he was really serious about it, saying stuff like, “God forbid my wife will work for anyone.” And he didn’t even limit it to office work. Whether it’s running a business or working in an office, he said he doesn’t want either.

I don’t share the same sentiment. I can’t imagine not working and depending completely on my husband to buy ordinary pads. We had a long argument about it before I dropped it, so that peace could reign. I’ve brought the matter up a few more times since then, but he still stands firmly on his stance.

Did he say why he’s against married women working?

He gave several reasons which don’t make sense. He said women who work are more likely to cheat because they’re always meeting men. When I pointed out that he wouldn’t have met me if I weren’t working, he said I was proving his point. That what would stop other men from chasing me too? No matter how many times I said that a man chasing a woman doesn’t mean she’ll accept the advances, he refused to change his belief.

He also says he’s a traditional man who believes in providing for his woman. When I argued that taking care of a woman doesn’t mean she shouldn’t work, he was like, “How much is your salary sef? I can pay you double, What do you need work for?”

Another one of his claims is that working women don’t respect their husbands. I pointed out that I already respect him, but he painted a scenario of how wives use stress from work as an excuse not to want to cook or have sex with their husbands. It’s like every argument I bring, he’s ready with a counterargument.

Hmmm. Is his stance against work a deal-breaker for you?

I’d say it’s something I really want to change. I don’t want to marry someone who shares this belief because I know how important financial independence is for every woman. My aunt saw shege in her marriage because of this same issue. The only difference was that her husband wasn’t rich, but he still didn’t want her to work. I don’t want to suffer like that.

On the other hand, I love David. I think, with time, I can show him that he doesn’t need to worry about me changing or stressing him after marriage. So, it would be a deal-breaker for me if, after more time together, he still has this mindset. But I think I can change him. 

I know that statement is problematic. Can someone really change a man? Sometimes I wonder if I should just cut my losses and move on from the relationship. But I think I should at least try, right? I’ll just need to be wise about it and try to gradually change his mindset.

All the best. How do dating expenses like dates and gifts work in your relationship?

David isn’t the going-on-dates type, and the gifts are mostly monetary. For Valentine’s Day, he bought me a wig and some clothes. I gifted him my presence, haha. Now that I think about it, I haven’t bought him a gift yet. I should do better.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I only just started regularly saving last month. Right now, I have just ₦50k saved. I’m not sure if David has savings, but I expect he should.

What’s the ideal financial future you’d like for you and David?

I’d like for both of us to co-own a successful chain of businesses one day. Of course, I’d have to get him to agree to allowing me to work first for that to happen.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

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