Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

Tayo*(30) and Tunde* (29) were more than friends; they were brothers. So when Tunde asked for a big favour during a family emergency, Tayo didn’t hesitate to help. 

For Sunken Ships, he shares how that decision unravelled a seven-year friendship and changed the way he thinks about favours forever. 

How did you meet?

We met in our first year at university in 2015. We lived in the same hostel and became close friends after bonding over our shared love for football. 

What was your friendship with him like?

I saw Tunde as a brother. We were so close that I’d spend holidays with his family in Ibadan instead of going home. If we wanted to hang out in Lagos instead, he’d stay with my family. He was truly my best friend.

Did you remain close after you graduated?

Yes. After we graduated, we both moved to Lagos for work. We didn’t see each other as much as we used to, but we still spoke every week. 

So what changed?

In 2022, Tunde called me one evening, sounding stressed. He said his mother was ill and needed treatment urgently.

Oh no.

Exactly. He said he needed ₦850,000 and asked if I could lend him ₦500K. At the time, I only had a little more than that in my savings, but this was my guy. We’d been friends for seven years, and his mum was also very kind to me when I stayed with them. I didn’t even think twice, I sent him ₦700K.

That’s so kind. Did he say when he would pay back?

Yes. He said he’d return it within three months because he was expecting money from a contract, but after the time had passed, he didn’t mention the money.

Did that upset you?

No, I wasn’t upset. I know how exhausting it can be to pay hospital bills. It was almost all the money I had saved up, but I didn’t need it right then, so I didn’t pester him for the money. But after six months, I noticed something.

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What was that?

This guy was posting a lavish lifestyle on Instagram. Weekend trips with his babe, new clothes and more. Every time I viewed his stories or statuses, he was always out and about, spending money. 

Ah.

Meanwhile, every time I mentioned him paying me back, he’d suddenly become the poorest man in Nigeria. The excuses just kept coming. If his car wasn’t having issues, it was that he had to send his sister money for an emergency.

Did you confront him?

I did, and he got immediately defensive. He told me I was counting his pockets and that just because he posted pictures or videos online didn’t mean he had money. He said he only posted them because he works in the entertainment industry and his social media had to be on point.

Omo.

It got worse. A mutual friend got married in March 2023, and we both attended. During the reception, Tunde was spraying bundles of money without a care in the world. I nearly lost my mind.

Did you bring up the debt there?

No, but I called him the next day and asked why he hadn’t paid me back yet, and he said I was disrespecting him and making him feel small.

What happened after that?

He started responding to my messages with one-word replies and avoided my calls. I got tired of trying to reach him and let things be.

Wow. Did he pay you back at all?

He sent ₦100k to me a week after the wedding with no explanation or message. Even after I texted to let him know I saw the money, he didn’t respond. That’s the last time we’ve communicated.

That’s wild.

It is. I heard from a mutual friend that Tunde said he felt embarrassed and thought I cared more about the money than our friendship.

What do you think about that?

I think that’s nonsense. If I cared more about the money than the friendship, I wouldn’t have lent it to him in the first place. I had plans for that money, but I chose to help him because I cared about him so much.

Do you miss him?

Sometimes, I do. It’s been over three years now, and it’s still crazy to me that we’re no longer close because of money. I don’t have anyone else who was as close to me as Tunde was.

Would you reconcile if he reached out?

Maybe. Only after he sends the remaining ₦600,000 he owes. Then we can talk.

Has this affected your other friendships in any way?

Yes. Now, I still help my friends when I can, but when it comes to money, I’m strict. I only loan money I can give away without stressing. 

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