Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

Dami* (31) thought she was finally giving love another chance after three years of being single when she met Dare*(32) on Bumble. But what started as a hopeful relationship quickly turned into a cycle of financial struggle, manipulation and emotional exhaustion. 

For Sunken Ships, she shares why she ignored the red flags, what it was like dating a manipulator, and the moment she realised she couldn’t build a future with him. 

How did you meet?

We met on Bumble early in 2024. We talked briefly, and when I told him I was deleting the app soon, he asked for my number. I obliged.

Why did you give him your number?

I’d been single for almost 3 years at that point, and I wanted to see if he was worth my time, while he wanted to know my values and interests. Chatting with him was a good way to answer the questions we both had.

Was this when you realised you had feelings for him?

No. I didn’t develop any feelings for him until after we started dating. My friends convinced me to give him a chance because they’d been trying to get me back into the dating pool since the end of my past relationship.

When did you start dating?

We started dating at the end of February 2024. He unexpectedly came through for me by helping me pay off an urgent loan when I needed it, which solidified my decision to give our relationship a shot.

What were the early days of your relationship like?

They were a mix of good times and shege. Dare was a freelance photographer with an inconsistent income. We basically moved in together and were squatting wherever we could find.

Ah. Why?

I had a female muslim cousin sharing my room with me, so he couldn’t move in with me. He didn’t have a stable income to afford rent, so we sometimes had to share with other people.

Okay. Did you notice any red flags at the start of your relationship?

Looking back, I noticed so many, and I beat myself up for ignoring them. His lack of a job, his random jealousy, his lies, and many more red flags were obvious from the start, but I wanted to give our relationship a chance.

When did the problems in the relationship become difficult to ignore?

Our issues became glaring when we moved to Ibadan together in May 2024.

Tell me about that.

An older female friend of mine got Dare a job and allowed us to squat in her house while we saved up for our own rent. It was inconvenient, but we didn’t have a choice. My biggest issue was how Dare would constantly complain about how stressful our situation was.

It must have been discouraging.

It was so discouraging. I told him to start sleeping at work to help us save rent a little faster, but his complaints got worse. He said the stress was overwhelming and constantly complained about the mosquitoes as if I was having a better time. 

What were you doing?

I was a freelance writer constantly hunting gigs, but my income was more stable than his.

Did you try to speak to him about his behaviour?

Yes, I even asked our host to speak to him, but he didn’t improve. He would get so upset that he would punch the walls. Our host had to threaten him before he stopped.

Whoa. That’s wild. What happened next?

In November, an old boss invited me to lunch at the eatery where Dare worked. When I told him, he flared up and said his coworkers would think my old boss was my sugar daddy.

The Naira Life Conference is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria. Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together. Secure your spot here.

That’s a reach.

Even wilder, he proceeded to ignore me for three days after the lunch.

Ah. What did you do when he ignored you?

I broke up with him as soon as I realised he was trying to mess with my head. I also stopped squatting with him and moved back to stay with my cousin.

How did he react?

He begged me to change my mind. In fact, he begged me with gifts and words until April 2025. When I finally agreed to give him another chance.

How did your second go at a relationship with him go?

It was just as bad as the first time. I was on edge the entire relationship, afraid of what nonsense he would send my way. We were always arguing over one thing or another.

What was the final straw for you?

When we got back together, he was talking about wanting to marry me and have kids with me. Then he suddenly changed his mind.

Do you know why?

He told me one of his coworkers’ marriages ended suddenly when his wife walked out on him, and that gave him cold feet. 

Aw, that’s sad.

I wouldn’t have been that upset if he hadn’t begun pushing for us to start having kids out of wedlock with no stable income or housing. 

Ah, that’s a crazy ask.

Exactly. That’s when I realised he wasn’t the one for me. In October 2025, I ended things permanently. I couldn’t continue pretending that we could work out.

How did he take the split?

He went silent on me. When we first broke up, I would send him job applications I thought would be a good fit for him, but he didn’t even thank me or reach out to me on my birthday. I stopped sharing them after that.

Do you miss him?

No, I wish we had broken up sooner. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Would you be open to reconciliation if he reached out to you again?

I don’t even want to see him again, let alone date him. Let everybody be in their own corner, please.

Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!