Divine* (29) knows what it feels like to be iced out by people she called her best friends. She thought the sting of being excluded was something she’d left behind in secondary school. But after reconnecting with the same clique years later, one accidental discovery has her convinced that some betrayals never really end.
Now, with one of those friends’ milestone birthday around the corner, Divine has a choice to make: confront them, or disappear without a word.
This is Divine’s explanation as told to Betty:
I met Temi* on my first day in JSS 1. We were assigned seats next to each other and became fast friends. Soon, our friend group grew to include two other girls in our set, Deola* and Esther*. We became a popular clique in school, and I saw all of them as my best friends.
All this changed after a mid-term break in SS1. When we resumed, all three of the girls refused to speak to me. I kept asking whether I had done something to offend them, but I was met with silence. Only Temi wrote me a note explaining things. She told me that Esther had convinced the group that I wasn’t cool enough to be friends with them now that we were seniors.
I felt hurt and confused. I kept thinking about what could have triggered their decision to cut me out. I couldn’t pinpoint anything, but I couldn’t help but think about how they had been showing hints of their betrayal a while before taking action. I remembered how they’d have secret phone calls without me, or how they’d suddenly change the topic once I walked up to them during break time.
Alone, I withdrew into myself for over a week before they all came to apologise.
They never gave me any concrete reason for how they acted, but I ‘forgave’ them because I was desperate for things to return to normal. Still, I never fully trusted them again. This event affected me more than I’d like to admit. I became a serial ghoster after that. Once I get a whiff of conflict or stress within a relationship, I vanish. Temi and I went to the same university, so we remained close. However, we drifted apart from the other girls who went to other universities.
Temi is turning 30 this June and has decided she wants a big dinner with her closest friends. When she added me to the group, I saw Esther and Deola there. The four of us hopped on a video call and reconnected properly. We decided to revive our friend group since we all live in the same city again. Soon, though, I noticed them moving weird. My work takes me to many events that have celebrities. Usually, I would take Temi with me whenever I had a plus one. Now that we’re four again, I guess Esther and Deola felt a bit left out since I never offered to take either of them.
In March, I went to another event with Temi. While there, she left her phone with me to go to the bathroom. While I was holding on to it, a bunch of WhatsApp notifications came in from a group chat called “Real Sistas -1”. I was curious because the new group chat we’d created was called “Sistas.”
The messages were from Esther and Deola, and they were making insulting comments about me. Saying that I thought I was better than them. It was as if I got teleported back to SS1, standing on the edge of a group of people I thought were my friends. I read what I could from the notification bubbles and put the phone down. I didn’t tell Temi what I saw, and I didn’t change my behaviour towards any of them. The fact that they’re comfortable saying those things to Temi probably means she’s saying her own rubbish too.
I can’t be sure. What I know is that I’m not dealing with their rubbish at my big age. I plan to ghost them all right before Temi’s birthday. I’ve been counting down since I read those messages. I will not be there, and I won’t be telling anyone why. I told my older sister about what’s been happening, and she thinks I should talk to Temi since we’ve been the closest in the group. She doesn’t think ghosting is a fair way to treat a friendship that lasted that many years.
I disagree.
I don’t have anything to say to people who’ve been gossiping behind my back. The day before the dinner, I’m blocking everyone of them without a word. Thank God I haven’t paid my share of the contributions.
I know it will probably mar her day, but I don’t feel bad at all. She has a group chat she can vent to; she’ll be okay.
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