On the Streets is a Zikoko weekly series about the chaos of modern dating: from situationships and endless talking stages, to heartbreak and everything it means to be single in today’s world.
After years of almost-relationships, Ginika* (28) decided to take a chance on love when she fell for a co-worker. But it soon unravelled, costing her both the relationship and her peace of mind at work.
In this episode, she opens up about her dating history and the workplace romance that led to her most difficult heartbreak yet.
What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
I’m single and haven’t had much luck with love. I’ll keep trying, but it feels like a long, slightly hopeless road.
How did you get here? Could you walk me through your dating history?
I’ve always found it hard to get into relationships. I meet people, something goes wrong before things get serious, and the cycle continues. So I’ve had a string of almost-relationships.
When I got into university in 2014, I really wanted to explore. That’s when I met Chima*. We met during first semester exams at a night class, and he was very friendly. After running into each other a few times, we exchanged contacts and started talking. It was right before the Christmas holiday, so most of our early interactions were online.
When we returned to school, we spent more time together. He was very nice and big on planning activities, so we went on a lot of dates. We agreed to take things slowly instead of rushing into a relationship, but while we were still in that talking stage, he got an opportunity to move to the US. He prioritised that and left in March 2015.
Did you try long distance?
We did for a while. We kept talking for a few months, but the connection wasn’t strong enough to survive the distance. The time difference didn’t help. We eventually agreed it wasn’t working until things fizzled out.
I see. Did you meet anyone after that?
Ryan* came along during my third year in school. I met him through a friend when we went to pick him up after football. I was mesmerised from the moment I saw him. He was good-looking and charismatic, so we clicked immediately.
We exchanged numbers and started talking. I was excited when our conversations turned flirty, and we hooked up within two weeks of meeting. I thought it might naturally lead to a relationship since we spent so much time together and talked about liking each other.
But he never actually said he wanted a relationship. About a month in, our mutual friend told me that he had just come out of a complicated situation with his ex.
Oh. Did you ask him about that situation?
Not really. I only pulled back emotionally. I didn’t want to pressure him or feel like a second option.
There were signs he wasn’t over her. At one point, I heard he almost had a panic attack after seeing her with someone else. That told me everything. Still, I convinced myself the situation was fine since we were both getting something out of it.
I also realised he wasn’t even the kind of person I wanted to date.
He was superficial, while I’m more introspective. I wrote him a poem for his birthday once, and he laughed it off. That really put me off.
Combined with the situation with his ex, I knew we wouldn’t work. But I still stayed for over a year because I didn’t want multiple sex partners. We eventually ended things in 2019, during my final year, when he graduated.
How did you feel afterwards?
Like I had done myself a disservice by staying in a situationship, and that made me overcorrect.
For the next few years, I became extremely selective. Once I sensed a red flag, I’d ghost. Before I knew it, I hadn’t dated anyone for almost five years.
It started to bother me when I realised I was in my mid 20s with no relationship prospects. I began craving a relationship and even considered joining dating apps. That’s when I considered Paul*.
Let’s talk about him.
We worked together at a real estate company I joined in 2023. My first impression of him wasn’t great. He was quiet and came off a bit rude.
On my first day, I had a challenge with something on my laptop, and he just took it, fixed it and handed it back without saying anything. I found that odd and slightly embarrassing.
But towards the end of the year, we got closer after a work party. We realised we had attended the same secondary school at different times, and spent the rest of the party chatting about it. I felt a strong connection, and he confirmed it wasn’t one-sided by texting me the next day.
Soon, we slipped into a talking stage and eventually started flirting. In March 2024, he asked me out.
Sweet. Curious, did you have reservations about dating a co-worker?
Definitely. I initially told myself I wouldn’t do it. But Paul was intentional, so I decided to give it a chance. Our company didn’t have rules against dating colleagues, and I didn’t want fear to keep me single again.
Right. How did the relationship go?
At first, it was really good. He was attentive and emotionally open. We spent a lot of time together, so conflicts didn’t linger.
In November 2024, I got promoted to a role that required me to supervise him. Even though he tried to act like it was fine, I could tell it bothered him. He had been at the company longer and probably expected the role.
That promotion changed everything. He became distant and less enthusiastic. Whenever we hung out, he’d make comments about my salary and joke that I pick up the bills. It bothered me, but I ignored it because I didn’t want to make him feel insecure.
At some point, I started to feel awkward assigning him tasks because I knew he didn’t like taking instructions from me. Sometimes, I took on extra work just to avoid tension.
He also became less motivated, saying there was favouritism and that his efforts wouldn’t matter. He never admitted it outright, but I knew he believed I was promoted because one of the bosses was friendly with me.
Around the same time, I started hearing that people on my team were complaining about my leadership style. HR even informed me that some team members felt I was favouring “certain people”. She didn’t escalate it but warned me to be careful.
That shook me because I’d only told two people about my relationship with Paul, and I had no idea who reported me. It created distrust between my team and me.
I’m guessing it also affected things with Paul?
Yes. Our major fight happened when he checked my phone in June 2025.
I’d received a call from one of my friendly bosses while I was with Paul, and it affected his mood. Later, I found out he had gone through my phone. When I confronted him, he admitted and implied that I was up to something with my boss.
That felt like a slap. It showed how little he trusted me and how insecure he had become. We had a huge argument and didn’t speak for nearly two weeks, even though we saw each other at work every day. It was very painful.
We eventually talked, and I thought we had moved past it, but he quit his job the following month without telling me.
What?
I only found out when he was handing in his resignation. That was the final straw. I felt like I had risked so much for him, and he didn’t even think it was worth telling me.
Soon after he left, he sent a text saying we were no longer compatible and that he was ending things.
How did you handle the breakup?
Surprisingly, we got back together briefly, but he wasn’t putting in any effort. He went from the very chatty Paul to barely replying to my texts.
I tried to stay enthusiastic by asking about his new job, but it felt like I was forcing things. I eventually realised it wasn’t working and walked away in August. He didn’t even fight to hold on.
Moving on was difficult. I didn’t trust anyone at work because of the HR situation, and I didn’t tell people we had broken up.
Combined with my trust issues, everything reminded me of him, which made healing harder. I eventually left the company earlier this year and took a remote role with lower pay just to get out of that environment. I’m in a much better headspace now and less bitter about how things ended.
I’m sorry you went through all that. How have these experiences shaped your view of love and relationships?
My biggest takeaway is to never mix business with pleasure. I also learnt not to lower my standards out of fear of being alone. I probably wouldn’t have dated a co-worker under normal circumstances, but I didn’t want to keep being single. Look where it ended.
Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.
I’d say 5/10. I miss companionship, but I also enjoy my peace. I think I’m in between, I still want love, but I’m scared of going through hurt again.
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