Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

Deola* (32) and Demilade* (32) have been best friends since they were kids. 

However, what started as excitement over her childhood best friend’s wedding quickly turned into a series of demands, expensive obligations, and hurtful words she couldn’t ignore. In this week’s Sunken Ships, Deola shares how being a maid of honour cost her more than money.

What spelt the end of your friendship with Demilade?

The way she spoke to me during her wedding planning after I had spent a large amount on wedding prep was what pushed our friendship downhill.

That’s sad. How did you meet?

We basically grew up together. Her mother and mine were school friends, and so we spent a lot of time together as kids and eventually became friends. We attended the same secondary school and became even closer.

What was your friendship with Demilade like?

It was great. We were like sisters. We told each other everything, and we always had each other’s backs in school. Even when we went to different universities, we remained close.

What changed?

In 2023, Demilade got engaged, and we began planning for her wedding the next April. Of course, I was to be her maid of honour. Everything was going great at first, then she started going overboard.

What do you mean?

Demilade was particular about how she wanted her wedding to go and, most especially, how she wanted it to look. She became demanding and started making unreasonable requests. Some of these requests were expensive, but if anyone complained, she would threaten to kick them off the bridal train.

Ah, that’s wild.

There’s more. She told me I would have to pay for a custom pair of shoes and use an expensive tailor of her choice for my dress. Just paying for my dress, shoes and makeup cost over ₦200k. I took it all in stride because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event, and I wanted to do anything I could to make my best friend’s day special. 

What happened after that?

A month to the wedding, she reached out, saying she wanted to throw a bridal shower. Usually, the bridesmaids plan the shower for the bride, but Demilade insisted on doing it herself. Instead of planning it, she wanted us to contribute the money. That wouldn’t have been an issue if she hadn’t billed each of us another ₦120k for it.

Whoa. How did you react?

I was honest with her. I told her I didn’t have the money. It was too far out of my budget, considering what I had already spent on wedding expenses. I told her I would miss the bridal shower but support them however they needed me to.

How did she take your refusal?

She got upset and kicked me out of the wedding planning WhatsApp group. She then messaged me privately to tell me off for being a bad friend. She said she was disappointed in me because my absence would throw off the aesthetic she was going for. She also insulted me, saying she wished she hadn’t put a miser on her bridal train. I couldn’t believe it. 

What did you do after that?

I got upset and sent my mum a screenshot of our chat. She advised me not to react, so it wouldn’t look like I wished her ill during her wedding. So I held my tongue till after the wedding, but that was when I knew our friendship was over.

How did the wedding go?

It was a beautiful event. No one would have guessed that I had checked out of the friendship. I threw myself into my maid of honour duties. I wanted there to be no doubt that I did my part. After the festivities were over, I sent her a congratulatory message and soft-blocked her everywhere.

Did she try to talk to you after the wedding?

Yes, she sent me a WhatsApp message asking why I had soft-blocked her. I didn’t respond. She then tried to emotionally blackmail me by asking our mothers to intervene.

How did that go?

I turned down their attempts to reconcile us. I didn’t feel comfortable in our friendship any more. 

Have you spoken to her at all since then?

I haven’t spoken to her since her wedding. Thankfully, she moved to another state with her husband, so I haven’t run into her since then either.

Do you miss her?

All the time. Walking away from our friendship was painful, but it’s gotten better with time.

Would you rekindle your friendship with her if given the chance?

I don’t think so. I’m not interested in being friends with someone who’s that obsessed with optics.

Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!