Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

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Hariff* (27) and Jumoke* (26) met in December 2024 at an adult-themed house party. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a wild truth-or-dare game broke the ice, why honesty about sexual preferences changed everything for them, and how making up after arguments usually starts with one person being horny.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Hariff: I met Jumoke at a house party in December 2025. My brother works in showbiz, so he usually gets free invites and tickets to shows and events around Lagos. He’d gotten an invite to an adult-themed house party on Boxing Day and asked if I wanted to come. I had no plans, so I said yes. I didn’t know what to expect, but I was curious.

When I got there, the vibe was already lit. There were games happening in different corners of the house, people were drinking and dancing, and the music was loud.

Most people who were there had attended previous editions of the party, so many came with their partners. During the truth-or-dare game, they kept picking each other because they were comfortable with it. I was basically just there observing and drinking. Then Jumoke was dared to tickle a guy’s ear. I guess I seemed like the only guy who wasn’t already partnered up with someone, so she picked me.

Jumoke: I had only attended that party because my friends dragged me out. I’d been sick for most of December and had missed several hangouts with them. They were frustrated that I either cancelled or didn’t feel up to it. So when they saw this party was free for women, they basically forced me to come. They said I needed to get out of the house and have some fun. I wasn’t even in the mood for a party; I was still recovering and just wanted to stay home. But I went anyway to keep the peace and stop them from complaining.

When it was my turn to do the dare, I panicked a little because I didn’t know anyone there. I looked around, and Hariff seemed like the safest option. He wasn’t with anyone, he looked calm, and he didn’t seem like he’d make it weird. So I walked over to him and did the dare. He was very chill about it, which made me relax.

Right. So what happened after that?

Hariff: For the rest of the night, we kept picking each other during the games. Whenever either of us had to choose someone, we’d just look at each other. It was easier because we’d already broken the ice. The games got progressively wilder as the night went on, so there was definitely a lot of tension building between us.

Jumoke: The party ran through the night, so after the games wound down, people started pairing off or just chilling in different corners of the house. Hariff and I ended up on a couch together, and we talked for hours. We talked about everything — our families, jobs, what we’d been doing with our December, and other random things. It was surprisingly easy to talk to him. At some point, we fell asleep on that couch.

Hariff: When we woke up the next morning, the house was quieter. A lot of people had already left. As we exchanged numbers and said our goodbyes, I fully saw Jumoke and took her in properly. The night before, everywhere had been dimly lit, so I hadn’t really paid that much attention. But in the morning light, I looked at her and thought, okay, she’s really beautiful. I liked her immediately.

Hariff, when did you reach out to her after the party?

Hariff: I reached out to her after I got home. I told her I’d had a really good time talking to her and would like to see her again. She responded pretty quickly, and we started talking properly from there. We made plans to hang out a few days later, then we saw each other almost every other day until the end of the year. We’d go to different events, try new restaurants, go to the beach, explore the city and spend time together. The connection we’d felt at the party carried over into real life, and it felt even better outside of that wild environment. We got to know each other properly, beyond the games and the party atmosphere.

Jumoke: It’s funny because I usually don’t take men I meet under weird circumstances seriously. I remember I’d said a quiet “naso” after he took my number and promised to reach out. Surprisingly, he kept to his word. 

I guess I was also receptive because some of the games we’d played at the party created this insane sexual tension between us. Every time we hung out, it felt like it was building toward something. We both knew what was happening, but we didn’t rush it.

I can imagine. When did things get physical between you?

Hariff: About three weeks after we met. We’d been spending a lot of time together, and one day it just happened. We were at my place, and things escalated. And I’m not going to lie, it was insane. I wasn’t expecting it to be that good, but it was.

Jumoke: I wasn’t shy about what I wanted. I told him exactly what I liked and how I wanted things to go. For me, that’s always been important. I don’t see the point in being quiet and hoping someone figures it out. Just say it. It makes everything better for everyone involved.

Hariff: That was a first for me. The girls I’d been with before were shy about that kind of thing. They’d wait for me to lead, or they wouldn’t say what they wanted directly. But Jumoke was completely different. She was confident and direct, and it made me more confident, too. It removed a lot of the guesswork and pressure.

Jumoke: I’ve found that most men actually appreciate it when you tell them what you want because it makes it easier. They don’t have to worry about whether you’re enjoying yourself or whether they’re doing something wrong. You’re just giving them direct feedback, and they’re doing the Lord’s work. 

Did you guys talk about going official at any point?

Jumoke: Oh, yes. After the first time we had sex, I was really clear on my dislike for relationships without labels. I told him if we were going to get together again, it had to be under defined terms. And I wasn’t even saying that because I wanted him to ask me out. I just needed to know if we were in it for the sex or something else. But then he asked me out.

Hariff: Maybe because the sex was too good? But honestly, I’d fallen for her right after that morning at the house party. She crossed all my boxes for what I wanted physically and had other qualities I admired. Kindness, selflessness, not to mention that she got along with my siblings the first time she visited our house. That was also another first, compared to other girls who had visited. 

Sweet. So would you say physical chemistry is the foundation of your relationship?

Jumoke: I wouldn’t say it’s the only foundation, but it’s definitely a major part of what keeps us together. We like each other as people, too. We enjoy spending time together outside of the bedroom. But the physical connection is really strong, and I think that makes a difference. Good sex can carry you through a lot of rough patches.

Hariff: I agree with that. It’s not like we don’t have our issues. We do. But I think our physical connection makes it easier to reconnect after a disagreement. It reminds us why we’re together in the first place.

What are some of those issues you’ve had to navigate?

Hariff: Jumoke procrastinates a lot, which drives me crazy sometimes. She’ll say she’s going to do something, and then she’ll put it off until the last minute. It makes me worried because I like to plan ahead and get things done early. So when she’s dragging her feet on something, I get anxious.

Jumoke: It’s something I’m working on. But what frustrates me about Hariff is that he’s not expressive when he’s angry or hurt. He’ll just go quiet. And I hate the silent treatment. I’d rather you tell me what’s wrong so we can talk about it and fix it. But he shuts down and makes everything worse because I’m left guessing what I did or what’s bothering him.

Hariff: I’m also trying to get better at that. I know the silent treatment isn’t fair, but sometimes I need time to process my feelings before I can talk about them. I don’t want to say something I’ll regret later in the heat of the moment . So I keep to myself. 

You’ve both said you’re trying to do better. What steps do you guys take to resolve your issues?

Jumoke: Honestly? A lot of the time, we end up back together because one of us gets horny. I know that sounds shallow or immature, but it’s the truth of how we operate. We’ll be in the middle of being upset with each other, giving each other space or whatever, and then one of us will reach out. Not to apologise or talk things through right away, but just to say ‘I miss you’ or ‘Come over.’ And suddenly we’re fine again. I know it’s not the healthiest pattern. I’m aware that we should probably sit down and talk through our issues more directly before jumping straight to making up. But this is what works for us more often than not, at least for now.

Hariff: I’d say about 80 per cent of the time, that’s what happens. 

Do you think that’s sustainable long term?

Jumoke: I think it works for us right now because we’re still in the early stages of our relationship. We’ve been together for a little over a year. Maybe as we grow together, we’ll develop better communication habits. But for now, this is what we’re doing, and we’re both okay with it. 

Hariff: I also think that the fact that we’re physically compatible makes the relationship worth fighting for. It’s not just about sex for the sake of sex. It’s about the connection we make during those moments. That intimacy carries over into other parts of our relationship. It makes us want to work through the tough stuff rather than just walk away.

Fair enough. Beyond the physical, what else do you enjoy about being with each other?

Jumoke: Hariff is funny. He makes me laugh a lot. He’s also very considerate in ways that matter to me. He remembers small things I mention in passing and follows up on them. That means more to me than grand gestures. He’s also easy to be around. I don’t feel like I have to perform or be a certain way when I’m with him. I can just be myself.

Hariff: Jumoke is one of the most confident people I know, and I find that attractive. She knows what she wants, not just in bed but in life. She’s ambitious. She’s driven. She’s not waiting around for things to happen to her. She’s making things happen. And she’s very caring. When I’m stressed or overwhelmed, she knows how to calm me down and make me feel better. I just need her to stop procrastinating. Haha.

Curious, Hariff. Has being with Jumoke changed your approach to sex and intimacy?

Hariff: I’ve become a lot more receptive to trying new things. Before Jumoke, I had a more narrow and conventional view of what sex should look like or how it should go. I thought there was a certain script I had to follow as a man. But she’s introduced me to different things, different dynamics, different ways of experiencing intimacy, and I’ve realised I actually enjoy a lot of it. I’m more open now to exploring and experimenting. I don’t feel like I have to be in control all the time or lead everything. Sometimes she takes control, and I’m completely fine with that. In fact, I enjoy it. 

Jumoke: That’s one of the things I love most about Hariff. He’s not fragile about his masculinity. He doesn’t feel threatened when I take the lead in bed. He lets me do whatever I want, and he genuinely enjoys it. A lot of men say they’re open, but when it comes down to it, they’re not really comfortable exploring new territories. Hariff actually is.

I imagine so. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Jumoke: I’d give it a 10. Not because we’re perfect, but because what we have works for us. We’re honest with each other. We enjoy each other. We’re attracted to each other. We’re both committed to making this work even when it’s hard. That’s a 10 in my book.

Hariff: I’ll also give it a 10. We’re learning together, growing together, and having great sex while at it. I’m happy. She’s happy. That’s what matters.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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