Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Adetunji, 31, and Susan, 29, met through a mutual friend in 2022.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a split-second video call led to a three-year-long-distance relationship and why keeping their marriage private for a year was the best decision they ever made.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Adetunji: I’d always known Susan from a distance because my friend, Halima, often mentioned her in passing. She said things like, ‘Oh, my friend came over today’ or ‘My friend and I did this.’
On one weekend in April 2022, I was on the phone with Halima, who was hanging out with friends at her sister’s place. I could hear music and people talking in the background, so I asked what was going on. When she said they were just dancing and having fun, I became more curious and asked her to show me. She turned the camera around, and that’s when I saw Susan.
She was wearing an oversized white singlet, had dreadlocks and piercings, and, I have to be honest, a really nice figure. She ticked all the boxes of what I’m naturally drawn to in women. I immediately asked Halima, ‘Who is that girl?’ She told me it was Susan, the friend she’d been talking about. I said I’d like her number. Halima laughed and joked about how I always wanted to meet everybody. But she sent me Susan’s number anyway. The funny thing is, I didn’t reach out immediately. I waited two or three days before I called her.
Susan: I remember that day like the back of my hand. I’d just gotten out of a relationship, and I was trying to dance my heartbreak away to loud music was in my own world in the living room.
I didn’t even know Halima was on a call until she turned her phone camera toward me.
I heard her talking to someone: ”Oh yeah, she has all the things you like. She cooks, she’s a chef, she has dreadlocks, she has piercings, and that important one, she has the backside.”
I was like, “Why are you telling this person all of this? I’m right here!”
I didn’t think much of it when she told me later that evening that her friend had asked for my number and that she’d given it out. I’d heard about Tunji; she talked about him all the time, and I knew they were close friends. But I’d never really paid attention.
Two days later, he sent a text introducing himself and asking if it was a good time to call. When I said yes, he placed a video call.
My first thought was, ”Oh, this is a fine boy.”
He looked really good. And I could tell he was a gentle person from that first interaction. He was so calm. Our first conversation was very soft and subtle. Just, ”How are you? What do you do?” You know, trying to get to know each other. That conversation lasted for hours, and we spoke straight into midnight.
On that same day, he told me, ”I actually want to marry you.”
Wait, what? He pitched marriage on the first call?
Susan: It was so funny. I was like, ”You don’t even know me. You literally just met me right now.”
He said: “When you know the woman you want, you know.” This declaration prompted the song I used for our wedding video that went viral on social media.
From stalling to calling to pitching marriage on the first day, what was going on, Tunji?
Adetunji: I didn’t reach out immediately because I was going through some things. I’d developed trust issues from past relationships and had taken a few steps back from dating. I was still doing whatever I had to do as a guy, but I wasn’t committed to anyone. Plus, Susan was far away in Abuja. There was no real advantage to the situation.
But during the phone call, I knew deeply that I’d found my person. I made it clear that I wanted her, and we didn’t have to go the whole ”let’s be friends and see” route. l also said it wasn’t going to be easy. I was in the UK studying and had no immediate plans to return to Nigeria, while she was in Abuja. It was going to be a long-distance relationship.
Susan: One of the things that caught me from the start was his assertiveness. He sounded so sure. I’d just come out of a relationship, and my ex was still trying to get back together. I had other guys talking to me, too. But Tunji was different. He didn’t suggest taking things slow; he said he wanted me and was willing to try if I was, despite uncertainty about when we’d see each other. It was refreshing. I value commitment and certainty. And even though it was scary, something about his confidence made me believe him.
Sweet. So, when did you two officially become a couple?
Adetunji: We had about three months of friendship first. During those three months, we got to know each other deeply. We’d talk for hours every day. We went on virtual dates, too. I’d go to a restaurant here in the UK, she’d go to one in Abuja, and we’d video call while we ate. One time, someone even came to her table while she was on a date with me, trying to ask her out. She had to explain that she was on a call.
We were basically inseparable. Everyone on my side knew her. Everyone on her side knew me. We’d fall asleep on calls and wake up still connected. On July 6th, exactly three months after we started talking, I officially asked her out. It was midnight. We both cried, but it was such a sweet moment.
Susan: Those three months were a test period for me. I had to be realistic and weigh my options. My ex was there, present and trying to do better. Tunji was far away in the UK. There were things people said about UK boys that made me cautious. I had to ask myself: Do I want to throw away the devil I know for an angel I’ve never met?
What made the difference was how Tunji showed up during those months. He was consistently caring. He gave me more confidence and certainty in three months than my ex had given me. So when he asked me out, I was scared and excited at the same time, but I said yes.
Cute. So, what were the early days of your relationship like, especially with the distance?
Susan: I’m not even going to lie, they were tough. I’d just finished my NYSC, so I had a lot of free time. Tunji was still in school, so he had assignments and exams to focus on. I’m not a long-distance person; I’d never done it before
I’m very clingy. If I’m dating someone, everyone knows. That person is always in my space, and I’m always in theirs.
But with Tunji, the best he could do was call. And sometimes I just wanted physical comfort over the emotional one. But he tried. He’d order food for me with sweet notes and send me gifts. He really made an effort to make me feel like he was close by. But I’m not going to lie, long distance is hard. I survived it, but I wouldn’t advise anyone to do it.
Adetunji: Everything she said. That said, it was a slightly different experience for me because I’d done long distance before, so I knew what to expect. But this was Susan’s first time. I had to be extra patient and caring. I had to show up in ways I’d never done before. It wasn’t easy. There were nights with real tears, red eyes, and all-around moodiness. I’d spend an hour trying to cheer her up.
Susan: We were long-distance for 1 year and 6 months before we saw each other. Those first few months were really frustrating. I knew he looked good on camera, but I’d never been with him in a space for an entire day. I felt like I didn’t really know his character. What if he was pretending? What if he was just trying to fake the kind of person that he is?
But I also knew I had to accept the reality of what I had. And he was doing his best to make things work.
Adetunji: At one point, I told myself, ”If you don’t find a way to get to Nigeria, you’re going to lose this girl.” That’s when I started planning my first visit to Nigeria.
Right. So when did that happen??
Susan: Tunji came to Nigeria in November 2023 for a friend’s wedding. I went to pick him up at the airport with my brother-in-law. I was so agitated and curious. But I was blown away when he came out. He looked even better in person.
But when I reached out to hug him, he just looked at me and didn’t say anything. He sat in the back of the car, and for like 10 minutes, he was completely silent. My brother-in-law even asked, ”Are you sure your boyfriend is okay? You should go sit with him.”
I was getting worried, too. In my head, I kept asking if I’d landed in a case of ”what I ordered versus what I got.”
Adetunji: Honestly, my first thought when I saw Susan was, ”This girl is short.”
But the consolation was that she was very pretty, even beyond my expectations. And her backside was bigger than I was expecting. So I was happy, but I didn’t know how to express it. I was just quiet, trying to process everything.
Susan: Later that day, I asked him what he was thinking about in the car. He said he didn’t know I was that short, and I was like, ”What a sense of humour!” But he also said he was blown away and couldn’t find the words to express how good he felt.
I can imagine. What was it like spending time together for the first time?
Susan: I didn’t want it to end. He only spent a few days with me, and I wanted more time. When he had to leave to meet his parents, I travelled to meet him there. That’s when his parents met me in person as well. Then he had to return to the UK, and I cried at the airport until my eyes were red. Walking through that long corridor at Lagos airport was painful.
The hardest part was not knowing when we’d see each other again. Things were serious now; we both knew our families. But we still didn’t have a timeline for a permanent relationship.
We planned for me to come to the UK for school and stuff. But those plans were sitting on other factors. When was it going to be? Were we financially ready? Was I also ready to move over? So it was just a case of waiting for all these factors to come into place.
Adetunji: While leaving was hard. But it made us even more determined to figure out a way to be together. We tried planning for her to study in different African countries, but nothing worked out. Then we found a path for her to come to the UK. But before her visa process began, I came to Nigeria in 2024. This time, nobody knew I was in the country. I just wanted to come and reassure Susan — to tell her that, as much as we hadn’t figured out a way or her to come over, this was a gesture of reassurance from me.
Susan: It was only for a week, but it was so reassuring. The fact that he could do that without involving his parents or anyone was a big risk, yet he took it. At that point, things had gotten really serious, and we’d done three years of long distance. I was already reconsidering my options, so his coming to Nigeria calmed me.
We stayed together with no distractions. Then he left again, and we cried at the airport again. But this time around, we knew what we wanted to do, so we felt more certain about our future together.
A few weeks after he left, I applied for my visa. It came out in January 2025, and I moved to the UK in February.
How did it feel leaving everything you knew to start a new life with him?
Susan: Before that time, I was already under pressure. People were already asking whether Tunji was real and whether he was genuinely thinking about a long-term future for us. So when the process started, I wasn’t thinking about leaving people behind or carrying myself to a different country. I just wanted to leave that long-distance phase behind.
Everything happened so fast. Applying for my visa and buying my plane ticket took less than two months. So it didn’t give me enough time to process. I was just happy to be meeting him.
There were moments when I had mixed feelings about leaving my family and my thriving culinary career behind, but I knew another life awaited me with the love of my life. Also, my sister was already in the UK, and she gave me a soft landing. My family really held me down during that transition. At the end of the day, I had to remind myself that this is my life. I’m starting fresh, and I might as well do it now.
Right. So after you both survived the long-distance rollercoaster, when did marriage come into the picture?
Adetunji: Marriage was always in the picture, but we prioritised spending time together. So we got married privately to see how it worked, before doing a big ceremony. We took our time.
Susan: That decision saved us. We’d never been together for more than two weeks in four years. Enjoying our privacy gave us space to figure things out without pressure from society or family. We weren’t under a microscope to get things right.
We finally had our traditional wedding ceremony in December 2025. Our parents had the party in Nigeria, and we joined from the UK and invited a few friends to our house.
Sounds cute. Did you guys discover anything new about each other when you started living together?
Adetunji: Susan is spontaneous. She wants things immediately. I’m more calculated; I want to plan, budget, and think through everything. That caused friction, but we’re working through it.
I also had to learn how to be present. I’d been living alone for years, making my own decisions. Now I had to involve her. She had to teach me that I can’t just decide things on my own anymore; we’re a team.
Susan: Tunji’s very laid-back. I’m hands-on. That clash was quite something. We also had different approaches to money. I came from a background where you have to be careful and save for rainy days. He’s more confident that things will work out.
I like to treat myself when I work hard. If a new iPhone comes out and I can afford it, I’ll buy it. He’s like, ”Why? Your phone still works.”
We also had different definitions of what it meant to spend time together. He thought being in the same house was enough. I wanted him to put his phone down and actually talk to me or watch movies together. I came from a very close-knit family where we’re always in each other’s space. His family is more, ”As long as you’re fine, we’re fine.” Adjusting to that was hard. But like he said, we’re finding our balance. We talk through these things, and we understand it’ll take some time to level up.
Neat. How has this relationship changed you?
Adetunji: Before, I only thought about myself. Now that we’re two, I’m a lot more conscious of my actions. I second-guess every decision and re-evaluate my actions. An action might not affect me, but if I can’t say the same about how it’ll affect her, I take a hard pause. I’ve become more aware that this is a partnership, not a monopoly.
I’ve also learned patience. I’ve learned to be more responsible in every aspect of life, even down to the spiritual. I even think about our future children now when I make decisions. I’ve also started taking care of my appearance more because she cares about how I look. Before, I didn’t really care about how I looked when I stepped out. I was all about the hustle. It’s a different story now, and it’s all thanks to Susan.
Susan: Being with Tunji has changed me in many ways. He talks about learning patience, but I’ve also learned to calm down. I used to be go-go-go all the time. Tunji has taught me to pause and think things through. I’ve also learned that I can’t just wake up and decide to do something without considering him. I have to communicate. I have to ask what he thinks, not for permission, but because we’re partners.
I’ve also learned to compromise. I can’t just cut my dreads or change my look without talking to him first. That’s been an adjustment.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Adetunji: I’ll give it a 10. When two people are ready to work things out together, no matter what happens, that’s a 10. We’re both ready to compromise. We’re both ready to put in the work. What we have is more important than any fight or argument. We’re made for each other.
Susan: I’ll give it a 9. It’s nice that he’s rating it a 10, and I’m flattered. But I’m leaving room for growth. We’re not perfect. We’re still learning. We’ve only been married for a short time, and God willing, we’ll be together for 40 or 45 years. We’re just starting this journey together.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
