Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Debo* (29) met Itunnu* (27) at his mum’s 50th birthday in 2024. She was his mum’s close friend, which made the attraction unexpected and complicated from the start.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how an unlikely meeting turned into a serious relationship, what dating with his mum already in the picture was like, and how they’re planning a future together.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Debo: I met Itunnu in July 2024 at my mum’s 50th birthday party. My mum used to talk about her and  say things like, “My friend came around today” or “My friend helped me cook.” From the way she talked, I assumed this friend was in her late 30s or even 40s. So when I got home and saw this young woman, I was genuinely shocked.

Itunnu: I already knew what Debo looked like before we met. She had pictures of him around the house and mentioned him in conversations, especially when she was worried about him being alone or stressed at school. So when he walked in for the party, I recognised him immediately.

Debo:  That day, we had a light conversation. I joked about how she had stolen my mum from me and how my mum didn’t have time for me anymore. She laughed and said she was innocent. It was very casual. I didn’t leave that day thinking anything would come out of it.

Curious, Itunnu. How did you and Debo’s mum become close friends?

Itunnu: I had just moved into the neighbourhood and didn’t really know anyone. I also lived alone. 

Debo’s mum was very kind to me from the start. She checked in on me, invited me over, and made me feel welcome. Over time, I started visiting more and often cooked with her. Other times, we’d just sit and talk. I’ve always been drawn to older people. I find them comforting. Being around her made me feel safe. I didn’t find it weird that our relationship just grew.

Debo: My mum is very friendly, so it didn’t surprise me that she liked someone in the neighbourhood. What surprised me was how close they became. My mum is usually very guarded, so seeing her form a strong bond stood out to me. But then again, Itunnu is also a likeable person. 

Right. At what point did things start to shift between the two of you?

Debo: After the party, I stayed around for a few more weeks before returning to school for my master’s programme. During that time, I saw Itunnu often. We talked more, and I noticed things about her. She was calm, reserved and cooked really well. At the same time, I felt slightly awkward because of her connection with my mum. I kept reminding myself of it. But I also couldn’t ignore how easy it felt talking to her.

Itunnu: I didn’t see Debo as a romantic option immediately. I just thought he was cool and funny. When he was around, we talked more. Sometimes we’d gist while his mum was busy. At other times, we’d talk when I came to visit her. That was all there was to our relationship.

Debo: I think we got even closer after I returned to Osogbo. Phone calls, texts, video calls and long conversations at night. I’d been single for a while because of school, but my program was wrapping up, and I was open to looking out again. Everything with Itunnu happened naturally. I didn’t sit down and actively decide to pursue her; we just worked.

One funny thing was that my mum stopped worrying about me being lonely. She had Itunnu around, so she wasn’t constantly checking in or asking if I was okay. That took pressure off me.

Itunnu: He’s right. Distance made us talk more intentionally. We shared details of the day’s activities, what we planned to eat, and sometimes the more serious stuff, like our dreams and aspirations. He was always stylishly broaching the love topic, but I didn’t really give in. I was talking to other guys, but nothing was set in stone. After a few months of this, I started to realise that I liked him more than just as a friend.

I see. Did either of you worry about how your mum would feel?

Debo: Very much. That’s why I kept things away from her initially. I didn’t want her involved too early. My mum can be very curious. I wanted to figure out my feelings for Itunnu first.

Itunnu: I may have hinted at her a bit, even though it wasn’t intentional. She knew we’d gotten familiar and would sometimes ask after Debo. But I didn’t say more than necessary. I didn’t want to complicate anything.

So when did you both decide to make things official?

Debo: Everything became clear in December 2024 for me. I was home for the holidays, and by then, we had already spent months talking almost every day. It wasn’t just small talk anymore. We were familiar with each other’s routines, moods, and triggers. I knew when she was tired from work just by the tone of her voice. I knew when something was bothering her, even when she said she was fine.

Coming home and seeing her in person again sealed it for me. There was no awkwardness. It felt like picking up where we left off in person. I realised I didn’t want to keep this undefined anymore and asked her out. 

Itunnu: I’d already accepted my feelings for him before he returned. I think the distance forced honesty in a way. We were not seeing each other physically, but we were still committed to each other in a way. And with distance, people either get closer or drift apart. It was the latter for us. 

When he asked me out properly, it didn’t feel sudden. It was a natural next step, and I said yes. 

Has Debo’s mum caught on to anything at that point?

Debo: Not fully. She knew we were close, but she didn’t know to what depth. That was intentional on my part. I wanted us to settle into our relationship before bringing her into the picture.

Itunnu: I had hinted at it, but I didn’t spell it out. I wanted Debo to lead that conversation with his mum when he was ready.

Debo: She was overjoyed when I finally told her. I think that happened during the New Year celebration in 2025. She kept saying things like, “I knew you two would make sense together.” That shocked me because I thought she’d be more surprised. I still believe she knew all along but acted oblivious.

Itunnu: To her credit, she didn’t cross boundaries. She didn’t insert herself into our relationship. She stayed supportive from a distance.

Nice. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Debo: Calm, which surprised me. I think some people expect early relationships to be dramatic or intense since you’re both still getting to know each other. Ours was pretty much a honeymoon phase that went on for ages.  We’d talked through expectations early. What communication looks like for us. How we handle disagreements. What makes us feel secure. That helped a lot.

Itunnu: Safe is the word I’d use. I didn’t feel like I had to impress him. We also laughed a lot. We had so many inside jokes, and we still do. All of these things made the relationship feel almost dreamlike. We also had our issues, even though we thought we’d hacked how to solve anything that comes at us. 

What were these issues?

Itunnu: Debo had a hard time completely accepting my relationship with his mum. It was easier when he wasn’t in Lagos, but not so much when he moved back. He’d show up at my place sometimes not knowing  I was already at his, running an errand or a chore with his mum. She also always wanted us to attend owambes together because she didn’t like going alone. I was already following her when Debo wasn’t around, and I didn’t see the need to stop. But he thought I was choosing to spend time with her over him. I thought he should be excited that his girlfriend and mum got along, but I was wrong.

Debo: It took some mental adjustment. When we became official, I felt she needed to draw some boundaries. And the truth is, she actually did. She never overshared or got my mum involved in our relationship. I guess I was just a little jealous.

I think it also bothers me when my mum refers to Itunnu as her friend. It sounds like I’m sleeping with her friend, which makes me uncomfortable. In my head, my mum feels more like a “big sister” to her than a peer. 

Itunnu: To me, it’s just a word. I don’t see it as something that defines our relationship. 

Have you found ways to work around these?

Debo: I’ve spoken to my mum about the friendship thing gently. She understands, even if she still slips sometimes. It’s something I’m learning to sit with.

As for their relationship, I had to come to terms that there was Itunnu before us. I wouldn’t even have met her in the first place if it wasn’t for her relationship with my mum. So I let them have their time, and I also enjoy our time. I’m also learning to remind myself that it’s a good thing to have both of them. My mum doesn’t keep lots of friends, and she only has boys.

Itunnu: I’ve also been very intentional about keeping boundaries from the get-go. I don’t involve her in our issues. I don’t discuss our disagreements with her. I think that’s important. 

Neat. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Debo:  Itunnu feels like peace. I don’t feel like I have to explain myself constantly; she understands me.  Living together in the same city allows us to build our lives together. We plan to get married this year or next, depending on our financial situation.

Itunnu: Debo listens a lot, and that’s one out of a million reasons why I like him. He’s also supercaring and intentional, and shows up for those closest to him. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sweet. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Debo: I’d give it an 8.5. It’s healthy, grounded, and growing. We’re still learning, but it feels right.

Itunnu: It’s an 8. I feel happy and secure. There’s room to grow, but I’m grateful for what we have.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.