Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Ani* (29) and Jessy* (32) met in 2019 at a beach in Lagos during a secondary school reunion party. But when Jessy impulsively proposed to Ani at a club in 2023, she turned him down because she needed him to take her more seriously.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about bonding over party culture, navigating Jessy’s impulsiveness, and whether you can build a stable life with someone who makes decisions on the fly.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Jessy: 2019, at a beach party in Lagos. It was my secondary school’s 10-year reunion. We’d hired out this section of the beach, set up games, drinks and food. I was excited because I hadn’t seen most of these people since we graduated, and it was nice catching up with everyone. I noticed Ani pretty early in the party. She was participating in all the games, taking shots with people, laughing, dancing, and just having a great time. I thought she was one of my old schoolmates that I’d somehow forgotten. So I walked up to her and said, “Hey, what class were you in? I feel like I should remember you.”
Ani: I laughed and told him I didn’t go to his school. I was just there with my sister. He looked so confused for a second, like he was trying to reconcile how someone who didn’t go to the school could fit in so well. But yeah, that party was also my first memory of Jessy. The only difference is, I didn’t notice him until he walked up to me. We ended up talking for a while after that.
What did you guys talk about?
Jessy: About the party, about Lagos nightlife, about what we did for fun. She told me she loved going out, trying new places, and meeting new people, and I knew right away she was my kind of person. Before the party ended, I asked for her number. I told her I hosted parties regularly with my friends, and she seemed like the kind of person who’d enjoy them.
Ani: I gave him my number because he seemed genuine. Some guys ask for your number just to shoot their shot, but he was actually inviting me to an event. Plus, I was always looking for new places to party, new crowds to meet. So I thought, why not?
Right. Did you actually follow up after that?
Jessy: Yeah, about two weeks later. I was planning another party with some friends, and I remembered Ani. I texted her the details and asked if she wanted to come. I wasn’t expecting her to say yes; you know how it is, people give you their number and then ghost you. But she responded almost immediately and said she’d be there.
Ani: I was in my party phase at the time. Like, properly in it. I went out almost every weekend, sometimes during the week too. I loved the nightlife and the freedom of just letting loose. So when Jessy texted me about another party, I was in.
What was that second party like?
Ani: It was really fun. I brought some of my friends along, and we had a great time. But what stood out to me was how Jessy cared for us. He wasn’t just hosting, he was making sure everyone was good. He’d check in on people, make sure they had drinks, and introduce people to each other. He had this way of making you feel like you belonged, even if you’d just met him.
Jessy: I just like creating good vibes. If I’m throwing a party, I want everyone to have a great time. What’s the point otherwise?
Fair enough. So did you stay in touch after the party?
Jessy: We did. I’d hit her up whenever there was a party, a club night, a beach hangout, whatever. And she’d always come through. Sometimes she’d bring friends, sometimes she’d come alone. It became a thing. Like, if I was hosting something, Ani was going to be there.
Ani: And he didn’t just invite me to parties. Sometimes we’d meet up during the week for drinks, or we’d go check out a new restaurant someone had recommended. It was casual. We were just two people who enjoyed each other’s company and liked going out.
Hmmm. Did people assume you were dating?
Ani: All the time. My sister would ask, “So what’s going on with you and Jessy?” I’d tell her we were just friends, but I don’t think she believed me. I mean, we were always together, we had great chemistry, and we clearly enjoyed each other’s company. I get why she and other people thought there was more to it.
Jessy: I never corrected anyone when they assumed we were together. Honestly, I kind of liked that people thought that. But at the time, I genuinely saw her as a friend. A really cool friend who I loved hanging out with, but still just a friend.
So when did the relationship stop being platonic?
Jessy: For me, it was gradual. Sometime in 2020, during the lockdown, things began to shift for me. We couldn’t go out anymore, so we’d just talk on the phone for hours. And I started realising I really enjoyed those conversations. We’d talk about our childhoods, dreams, what we wanted out of life, and random philosophical stuff.
I learned that Ani is incredibly driven. She was studying for ICAN, working, and still managing to have a social life. I was impressed by her discipline. I also learned that she’s very family-oriented. She talked a lot about her siblings, her parents, how important they were to her. That made me see her in a different light.
Ani: Same. Lockdown forced us to connect on a different level. Before that, our friendship was mostly about going out and having fun. But when we couldn’t do that anymore, we had to actually talk and get to know each other beyond the party scene.
However, I was actually seeing someone at the time. A guy who was based abroad. We’d been talking for a while, making plans for him to visit Nigeria, but something always came up. He’d say he was coming in December, then it would change to March, then June. After a while, I got tired of waiting. Meanwhile, Jessy was right there. He was making an effort and I started comparing the two of them, and Jessy won every time.
When did you make it official, Jessy?
Jessy: February 2022. We’d been talking about it for a few weeks, making sure we were both on the same page about what we wanted. Then one day, I just asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. That was it.
Sweet. What were the early days of your relationship like?
Ani: Really smooth. We already knew each other so well by that point. There was no awkward phase, no discovering deal-breakers we hadn’t known about. We just transitioned from friends to partners seamlessly.
Jessy: The dynamic didn’t change much, honestly. We still went out together, still had fun, and talked for hours. The only difference was that now we were intentional about it. We were building something real and not acting on vibes.
Ani: And we balanced each other well. I was studying for ICAN, which meant long hours of reading and practice. Jessy was working full-time in marketing, so he also had busy weeks. But we understood each other’s schedules. During the week, we’d focus on work and responsibilities. On weekends, we’d go out, unwind, and have fun. It worked.
My only issue was Jessy’s impulsiveness.
Tell me more.
Ani: I started noticing maybe three or four months into the relationship. Little things at first. He’d see something online and buy it immediately without checking if it was in the budget. He’d decide on a Wednesday that we should drive to Ibadan for the weekend and just expect me to drop everything. It was fun sometimes, but it also worried me. I’m the kind of person who plans everything. I budget, schedule, and think ahead. Jessy doesn’t operate like that at all.
And I tried to talk to him. I’d say things like, “Babe, we need to plan these things. We can’t just wake up and decide to spend money we haven’t budgeted for.” And he’d promise to do better. But then a week later, he’d do the same thing again. It started to feel like a pattern.
Jessy: I know I’m impulsive. I’ve always been like that. If I don’t act on something immediately, I overthink it, and then I don’t do it at all. So I’ve learned to just go with my gut and figure things out as I go. I was trying, though. I know it didn’t always seem like it, but I was. It’s just hard for me to change something that’s so ingrained in who I am.
Ani: The craziest one he pulled was in April 2023. We’d been together for over a year, and we’d talked about marriage a few times. Not in depth, but enough for me to know he was thinking about it seriously. One Saturday night, we were at a club with some friends. The music was loud, everyone was dancing, drinks were flowing. And then, out of nowhere, Jessy gets down on one knee in the middle of the dance floor.
I looked at him kneeling there with the ring, and all I could think was, “Are you serious right now? You’re proposing to me in a club?” People around us started cheering, recording on their phones, and I just felt so disrespected. Like, this is supposed to be one of the most important moments of my life, and you’re turning it into a spectacle?
Jessy: I genuinely thought she’d love it. She loves clubs, she loves energy, she loves attention. I thought it would be romantic to propose in a place that represented how we bonded and connected. But I was wrong. She turned me down and walked out of the club.
Curious, how did you feel in that moment?
Jessy: I wasn’t thinking straight. I went after her, feeling embarrassed and hurt. Everyone in the club had just watched me get rejected. When I caught up with her outside, she was already fuming. I tried to explain that I thought she’d like it, but she wasn’t hearing it. She said I’d disrespected her, that I’d made the whole thing about me and my impulsiveness instead of about us.
She said that if I really wanted to marry her, I needed to put thought into it and plan properly. She also said I needed to show her that she was worth more than a spur-of-the-moment decision made in the middle of a party.
Right. And how long did it take to recover from that?
Jessy: Weeks. Maybe a month. Things were really tense between us. She was distant, while I was hurt and defensive. We weren’t communicating well, and I started wondering if I’d ruined everything. Eventually, I realised I needed to fix it. So I sat down and really thought about what she’d said, and I understood. She deserved better than what I’d given her.
So did you plan another proposal?
Jessy: Yeah. I took my time with it. I thought about what she’d like, what would be meaningful to her, what would show her that I was serious about this. In December of that same year, I proposed again. This time, it was just the two of us. Just me telling her why I loved her and why I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
Ani: The second time was a lot better and felt intentional. He’d put thought into it. He’d planned it. And that’s all I wanted. So I said yes.
Jessy: We got married in March 2024. We had a small ceremony with close family and friends. It was beautiful, intimate, exactly what we both wanted.
Awwwn. How has marriage been so far?
Ani: It’s been really good. We still go out together, we still party, and we still have fun. But we’ve also built a life together outside of that. We support each other’s careers, and we’re learning how to be partners in every sense of the word.
But is Jessy’s impulsiveness still there?
Ani: It is. And honestly, it still worries me. It’s always in the small things and the big things. Like when he woke up on a random Friday and decided we should drive to Ibadan for the weekend without checking our schedules. He once booked a flight to Abuja without telling me first. There’s the financial bit too: a new gadget, an expensive dinner, concert tickets. And sometimes, it’s in major decisions, like when he switched jobs without having a solid backup plan.
Jessy: That worked out fine, though.
Ani: It worked out because I pushed him to think it through. Because I made him sit down and plan what he’d do if things didn’t work out with the new job. Left to him, he would’ve just quit and figured it out as he went along. That’s rattling.
I always remind him we’re not just two people dating anymore. We’re married and building a life together. Our personal decisions affect both of us.
Jessy: I hear her, and I’m trying to do better. I’ve gotten better at communicating with her before I make big decisions. I don’t just do things anymore without running them by her first. But the impulse is still there. I feel it all the time. I see something, and I want to just go for it. But now I pause, and I think about how it will affect us. I think that’s progress.
Neat. What’s the best thing about being married to each other?
Jessy: Ani gets me. She understands my need for fun and excitement, but she also grounds me when I need it. She’s my balance. And she’s incredibly supportive; when I wanted to switch jobs, she didn’t just criticise me. She helped me figure out a plan and encouraged me throughout the process. That means everything.
Ani: He makes life exciting. Before I met him, I was fun, but I was also kind of stuck in a routine. Jessy showed me how to live more freely, how to take risks, how to enjoy the moment. He also makes me laugh constantly, which is so important because life gets sad. And when things get serious, he shows up. He’s not perfect, but he’s trying.
Rooting for you guys. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Jessy: An 8. We’re solid, but we’re also still figuring out how to navigate our differences. I think we’ll get to a 10 as we keep growing.
Ani: I’d also say 8. We’re in a good place, but there’s room for improvement. I need him to be more intentional with his decisions, and he needs me to loosen up a bit and trust him more. If we can find that balance, we’ll be unstoppable.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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