Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Deola* (29) and Hassan* (31) first met as secondary school classmates and rekindled their connection years later at a singles event in 2024.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about their whirlwind teenage romance, the messy breakup that followed in university, and what it’s like giving love a second chance after nearly a decade apart.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Deola: We attended the same boarding school in Lagos and became friends in SS 3. I can’t recall all the details now, but we just clicked when we were preparing for our final exams.
Hassan: I’d always seen her around in school, but we weren’t in the same circle. Finding out we’d sit close to each other during WAEC brought us closer together. I’m bad at Maths, and I teased her about helping me during the exam. She refused and said she’d rather teach me than cheat. So, I started coming to her class during afternoon prep, and we’d go over past questions together. Honestly, even the inventor of Maths couldn’t have helped me because I hated the subject. But I enjoyed her company, and that’s how we got close. Funny thing is, we only had a few months left before graduation.
How did the Maths exam go, though? Did she assist?
Deola: I couldn’t stand watching him fail. Since I was only two seats away, I had a clear view of him. I kept checking and knew he wasn’t doing anything. But he also wasn’t trying to disturb me, almost like he’d resigned to failure. That made me feel bad.
Hassan: She turned her answer booklet towards the guy beside her, and I copied from him. It wasn’t easy because the invigilators were everywhere, but I managed. When WAEC released the results months later, I got a C. I felt so indebted that I promised her a gift.
Deola: By then, we’d graduated and returned home. He lived in Surulere, and I stayed in Obalende, so meeting up wasn’t easy. We finally saw each other at a small school reunion.
Right. Did you get your gift?
Deola: Oh yes. It was a cute necklace with my name on it, a perfume set and chocolates. Everything screamed, “This is a gift for my girlfriend,” but we hadn’t officially had that talk yet. That said, I knew he liked me.
Hassan: We actually had that talk that day. Everyone at the reunion saw the gift and teased us about being a couple.
At what point did things progress between you??
Hassan: Nothing happened after the reunion. I lost my phone and couldn’t reach her. I had her house address, but it was far, and I couldn’t just show up. So I gave up. I thought the ship had sailed before it even left the port.
Deola: I tried to call him and sent loads of messages, but he was unreachable. I felt so sad because I still had butterflies from the reunion and his gifts. It felt like all that chemistry just fizzled out.
About three or four months later, I got a Facebook message from Hassan . He’d gotten into UNILAG, and I was so happy. I’d also applied there and was waiting for the supplementary list. We picked up like nothing happened.
Hassan: We both ended up at UNILAG and properly kicked off our relationship in 2014.
Nice. So how was the relationship?
Hassan: It was good at first. I wasn’t very social, so I leaned on Deola a lot. She knew everyone and everything. I’d walk around campus with her, and she’d stop every few steps to greet people. I thought it was cute, but her over-socialising later became a problem.
Deola: I didn’t have much of a social life in secondary school because I was the “face your studies” type. UNILAG opened my eyes. I didn’t want to carry that boring vibe into uni. Hassan didn’t like it at first, but eventually adjusted.
He stayed with a family friend in Yaba during his first year, and I sometimes spent weekends there. That year had many firsts for us — our first kiss, first sex, first hotel getaway. We were “that couple”. While most freshers were still finding their way, we were already serving couple goals by the third week.
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But did your socialising ever get in the way?
Deola: Not in the first year. Hassan made a few comments here and there, but nothing serious. He even tagged along sometimes, and my social circle helped us navigate lots of fresher issues.
Once, he missed a test and was allowed to retake it because I knew the lecturer’s niece. The babe took Hassan to her uncle’s place, and he fixed a second test for the class. There were many moments like that where my social capital helped.
I think the real problem started in our second year. There was a clear disconnect between our circles, which caused constant tension.
What sort of disconnect, Hassan? And why was her social life an issue if you benefited from it?
Hassan: I wasn’t comfortable with her string of friends, but I was grateful she always knew someone who knew someone who could help. However, she had more male friends, and I was worried there were no boundaries.
She’d hang out with the guys behind my back. Once, she went to a beach party with them and never mentioned it. I found out through someone else. She also had this clique of girlfriends whom she valued more than me. One call from them and she’d drop everything to join them.
Every day she moved far and far away from the version of herself I went to school with; the girl who was excited about our relationship and about starting uni together.
But did you consider that she was in a self-discovery phase?
Hassan: I was changing too, but it wasn’t at the expense of our relationship. I managed to put her first and give our relationship the attention that it deserved.
Deola: It’s been such a long time, and I don’t remember all the details. I’ll say my major grouse with Hassan was that it felt like he was clipping my wings. I tried to bring him along so we could have shared experiences, but his refusal meant I had to leave him out most of the time. The university isn’t all about books and studying; you also have to explore extracurricular activities. Hassan didn’t get that.
I see. Did you guys ever find a common ground?
Deola: We didn’t. I decided I was done by the tail end of our second year in school.
Hassan: We were both done. By that time, she’d also gotten into drinking and smoking. I wasn’t judging her choices, but I didn’t think I could handle her wildness. When she said she wasn’t interested anymore, it felt like a burden lifted off my shoulders.
What do you mean?
Hassan: I didn’t want to initiate the breakup. Maybe it was because of our history or because we were practically each other’s first. It just felt wrong to walk away, and I don’t think I’d have handled the guilt well.
Fair enough. So how did things move after you broke up?
Deola: I missed Hassan — the friendship, the laughter, the inside jokes, and our safe space. But I also moved on quickly. UNILAG is fast-paced, and I was in the thick of it. I’d joined a group that organised campus events and other social activities, so I didn’t have time to sit around and mope.
Throughout the rest of my stay in uni, he wasn’t on my radar. I’d moved on.
Hassan: It was a mix of both for me. On one hand, I told myself I’d moved on. On the other, I still saw Deola everywhere. Friends would ask if I was attending an event, and when I said no, they’d remind me she was part of the organisers. She didn’t have to tell me she’d moved on; it was obvious. She had such a vibrant social life that there was no room left for heartbreak.
I also knew when she started seeing someone else, then the person after that. She might not have noticed me again throughout school, but I always heard about her.
Must have been tough. Was it easier to move on when you left uni?
Hassan: Definitely. Leaving school helped. I didn’t just move on from her; I wanted to forget everything about the university itself. Outside of what happened with Deola, I didn’t have a memorable time there.
Deola: He was too stuck up. That was always his problem.
I see. So how did you guys cross paths again?
Deola: Funny story. I was in a relationship with the guy I dated after uni — we even got engaged in 2022. But I eventually realised I couldn’t spend my life with him. He had a drug addiction problem, and I knew I had to walk away. I called off the engagement later that year and stayed single afterwards.
The whole thing broke me. I was depressed for most of 2023. Then, in February 2024, my sister invited me to a singles’ programme at her church. I’d been putting it off, but it was the final edition, so I decided to go. Guess who I ran into there? Hassan. He was actually trying to dodge me.
Hassan: It was the most random and awkward meet-up ever. We hadn’t seen each other in almost ten years, and running into your ex at a singles’ event? Wild. I planned to sneak out when I saw her, but she beat me to it. She came over, called my name to confirm, and pulled me in for a hug.
Awww
Hassan: I didn’t see the hug coming, so I froze a bit. But I quickly put my arms around her to avoid the awkwardness. Then she hit me with, “What are you doing here?” I couldn’t lie fast enough, so I said I was just exploring my options.
Deola: I told him I was doing the same. Something about his unplanned honesty made it easier for me to be open too.
We spent the rest of the evening catching up, but you can’t unpack seven years in one night. We exchanged contacts, followed each other on Instagram, and promised to stay in touch.
Hassan: I didn’t hear from her for two days after that random meet-up, and even though I tried to play hard guy, I couldn’t resist texting her. She replied immediately, like she’d been waiting for me. That’s how we found our way back to each other again.
Sounds nice. Considering you were both single, did you guys try to find a spark?
Hassan: I did. Meeting at that event answered questions we both had on our minds. In my head, I thought, “Why else would anyone attend a church programme for single people if they weren’t looking for love?”
So I decided to be direct and asked about what she wanted, romantically speaking.
Deola: I was honestly taken aback. I thought whatever we had ended ages ago. He kept bringing up memories from when we dated, and half the time, I couldn’t even remember them.
I think I was more interested in understanding why he was still single at 30. It felt like a red flag. When he said, “I just haven’t found my person,” I didn’t buy it.
But we started talking more and spending time together. He’d become a lot more social than I remembered, and I started considering the possibility of us again. That’s pretty much what we’ve been doing for the past year — figuring things out.
Curious, Hassan. Aren’t you worried that the same issues that tore you apart years ago might resurface?
Hassan: I’m not. We’ve spent months together now, and she’s no longer the wild girl that scared me away in uni. I think she’s had her fun and calmed down.
Deola: That’s exactly why we haven’t made anything official. He keeps saying I’m calmer now, and I agree. I’ve had my “hoe phase”, and I’m not as drawn to the things that excited me back then. But is that part of me gone? Not really. I still go out when I feel like it. I still drink when I want to unwind.
What I don’t want is a partner who’ll judge me or dictate what I can and can’t do. Hassan still gives off that vibe sometimes.
But you mentioned he’s become a lot more social. Don’t you think things could be different if you gave this a second chance?
Deola: That’s what we’ve been trying to figure out. We’ve both grown and changed, and we’re no longer the same people we were years ago. There’s no rush. We’re exclusive, but I want us to be intentional if we’re going to try again, especially since it could lead to marriage.
Hassan: I agree with everything she said.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Deola: 7.5. Overall, I feel loved and appreciated, and I know we both put in the work to keep our connection alive.
Hassan: I’d give us 8. We’ve been given a second chance to get things right, and I love how we’re approaching it this time.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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