Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Owolola* (29) and Becky* (26) started as co-workers in a government office in 2024, bonding over long hours, inside jokes, and lunch breaks.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how their friendship evolved into romance, navigating family disapproval , and why they’re determined to build a future together anyway.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Owolola: We met at our civil service job when I relocated to Lagos in September 2024. She was the only person who seemed like my age mate. When we started talking, I found out she’d only been around for a year, yet she took me under her wing and helped me navigate the new office environment.
Becky: I liked him the moment I met him because I have a thing for stylish men. He always came to work dressed like he had somewhere special to go, which was refreshing to see. He wasn’t like the other middle-aged men in the department who barely paid attention to their appearance.
We hit it off since we worked closely together for long hours. In between, we went for lunch and overshared details about our lives. That was how I found out he’d been married before. I was really surprised because he didn’t look like it at all. But that wasn’t the only discovery that shook me.
What else?
Becky: He was a widower. I don’t think he planned to tell me that early, but I sort of pressured him to. It wasn’t intentional, though.
Owolola: We’d grown close, and even though I told her I’d been married, I didn’t mention how it ended. She’d make comments suggesting I left the marriage because I wanted to explore what’s out there. Toward the end of the first month we met, I had to travel home for my late wife’s remembrance. I didn’t tell her why; I just that I had to sort something out.
A day after I arrived, she called to say there was a headcount at work and our state coordinator had asked about me. That was when I told her.
Any reason you stalled? And did that information change anything?
Owolola: We were still co-workers. We only saw each other at work; I didn’t even know where she lived. I didn’t think I needed to share something that personal yet. Plus, I didn’t want her pity. That’s the first reaction when people find out I’m a young widower.
And it wasn’t different with Becky. She started walking on eggshells around me.
Becky: You don’t meet many widowers in their twenties. I felt an overwhelming sense of pity for him, especially after hearing his wife had died during childbirth.
I noticed he avoided the topic when he returned, so I didn’t bring it up. I had questions— when it happened, if that was the reason he moved to Lagos, if the child made it, if he was seeing anyone — but since he didn’t mention it, I respected his privacy. Still, our friendship grew stronger, and some co-workers even thought we were dating. But it was strictly platonic.
Right. But when did things move from a platonic relationship to something more?
Owolola: Honestly, I don’t think there was a specific moment. It just happened.
I lost my wife three years ago, and while I was a mess the first year, I eventually started to heal. My parents, and even some of her relatives, never stopped reminding me I was young and should consider marriage again. I got into two relationships, but neither lasted more than a few months. They weren’t bad people; I just wasn’t ready.
With Becky, I was. Moving to Lagos and starting a new job gave me a fresh start. The week we closed for the year, Becky visited me at home for the first time. One thing led to another, and we got intimate. It didn’t feel wrong. It happened again, and we just sort of started dating. There was no official asking out.
Becky: The attraction had been there since his first week at work. With how close we’d become, I knew we’d ultimately sleep together. I just wasn’t sure about a relationship since we worked in the same place.
But here we are. We went from having sex to calling each other “babe,” spending weekends together, and basically dating. There was no “I’ll think about it” phase.
Sweet. But how did you feel about him being a widower? Did you think he’d moved on?
Becky: I didn’t think much about it, maybe because there’s no child in the picture. It was easier to commit knowing he wasn’t still tied to that part of his life. Like he said, it felt like he was getting a fresh start, and I chose to see it that way too. However, my family doesn’t feel the same way. They’re not fans of our relationship.
Oh.
Becky: Everything was fine until my mum heard about Owolola’s late wife.
Owolola: Now that she mentions it, that was part of why my last relationship ended. Her mum did some prayers and told her we had no future together. I didn’t argue. When she left, I let her.
So when Becky and I started dating, I didn’t think it was a good idea to tell her family that early. They were warm at first, but after she told them, everything changed. Even though I see how hard she fights for us, I sometimes wish she’d waited.
What sort of difference did you notice?
Owolola: The calls and endearments stopped. Her mum used to call and even ask to speak with me whenever Becky was around. She’d end the call with “omo mi” and all those sweet things.
A week after she found out, the calls stopped. When I finally called her, she was distant and kept her responses brief. I knew things had changed. I also feared they’d pressure Becky to end things.
Becky: I’ve always told my parents about whoever I’m dating. That’s how they raised us — even my brothers. They know the relationship might not lead to marriage, but they prefer being in the loop.
As much as I understood his concerns, I thought my parents would look past this, especially because he’s still young and has no children. But my mum wasn’t having it. For her, the fact that he’s a widower is the biggest red flag. She says it’s a bad omen to start life with tragedy, and I shouldn’t tie myself to it.
My dad didn’t say much at first, but she’s since influenced him. He’s more subtle about it, but every now and then, he hints that I can find better if I keep looking.
Curious, how does all of this make you feel, Owolola?
Owolola: I understand her family, but it doesn’t make it any less sad.
Nigerian parents are something else. After my wife’s passing, my mum insisted on attending church programmes to seek spiritual protection. Even though it was clearly a medical issue, she didn’t believe it was ordinary for me to become a widower so young.
If my own mum thinks her son is spiritually jinxed, it’s easier to understand where Becky’s parents are coming from. She’s never been married, and I get why they wouldn’t want her to marry someone like me. Still, what’s kept us going is how much we’ve both stayed committed to each other.
Our families are beginning to see we’re serious. I think they’re slowly moving towards acceptance. Becky’s mum even invites us to church programmes now and gets upset if we don’t show up.
I see.
Owolola: We really care about each other. Where I was unsure with my past “situationships”, I feel certain about Becky. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with her.
Nice. Outside of family issues, how has the last year been for you both?
Betty: It’s been beautiful. The fact that we’ve stayed together despite everything proves we can face anything and come out stronger.
Some people would’ve walked away, but I think there’s value in starting a relationship on a rocky note. It helps you see if the other person is truly in it for you or just for the vibes.
Leaving would’ve been the easiest thing for either of us, but he stayed. Even when my parents changed, he didn’t stop checking on them and showing them the same love he shows me. It makes me fall in love with him over and over again.
Owolola: Everything she said. What she didn’t add is how much the past year has taught us about each other. I know what she looks like when she’s angry, happy, sad, scared, inspired… I didn’t have to wait months to see those sides of her.
I know her comfort food, her favourite restaurants and shows, and she knows everything that makes me tick. It’s been an interesting journey.
Does working together ever get in the way?
Owolola: Not really. People know we’re close, but I don’t think they suspect anything beyond friendship. And even if they do, we wouldn’t be the first civil servants to date at work. I know senior colleagues who work alongside their wives. If anything, it makes things easier.
Becky: Plus, it’s hard enough to get into the civil service, so why would either of us leave? I’ve heard stories of couples deciding who should quit because they work together; that’s not our story.
Screaming. Owolola, you mentioned wanting to spend your life with Becky. Do you think you’re ready for the leap into marriage again?
Owolola: I think I am. I’ve had enough time to sit with my grief and accept that it’s okay to move on. Death is the most natural thing, and from my Christian perspective, no one leaves until it’s truly their time.
But I’ve been honest with Becky about my fears around childbearing. That’s what scares me most. I don’t know if I want to go through that again, especially since I’m not the one carrying the child. I don’t want to put my partner through that risk. We’re still figuring it out.
Becky: I definitely want children, but I also understand his fears. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. God will be in control. That’s all I can say for now.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
Got it. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Owolola: A 10. I love how we have each other’s backs. I don’t have to think twice about it, I just know this woman always wants the best for me.
Becky: I’ll give us a 9. I already love boyfriend Owolola. I can’t wait to see what husband Owolola has in store for me.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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