Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Subomi* (28) and Damilola* (27) met on a WhatsApp movie club in 2023 and sparked a connection through a shared love for good banter and quality films.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about falling for each other after a brief friendship phase, surviving long-distance, and how one awkward bedwetting incident nearly ended their relationship.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Subomi: We met in a movie club on WhatsApp in April 2023. She posted about a series I’d been watching and mentioned her desire to discuss it with someone. I slid into her DMs and dropped one iconic quote from the main character. She replied with an even funnier one. We spent the next couple of days discussing the series, and she recommended others I could watch.
Damilola: The first time I really remembered Subomi was when we spoke on the phone, and we ended up talking all night. We’d been texting, but I didn’t pay much attention because I didn’t even know what he looked like. I mistakenly dialled his number one day, and after texting to apologise, he called back. We just kept talking about movies. He sounded really cool on the phone and knew his way around a computer. Around May, he suggested we see a movie together, and I agreed.
Subomi: Actually, she didn’t agree at first. She kept coming up with excuses until I figured she probably thought I was asking her on a romantic date. She only relaxed after I clarified that it was a harmless hangout and I wasn’t looking for anything more.
Damilola: To be fair, I didn’t want to send mixed signals. You know how men can be. You’re just being nice, and the next thing you know, they’ve drawn a thousand conclusions of their own. I didn’t want that drama at all.
Fair enough. How did the date go?
Subomi: We laughed a lot, ended up watching two movies, and the most interesting bit was how we split the cost. Even though it wasn’t a romantic date, I’d planned to pay for everything, but Damilola wasn’t having it. If I paid for something, she insisted on paying for the next.
Damilola: Like I said, I didn’t want to blur the lines. He was just a platonic friend, and there was no reason for him to handle my bills. Yes, friends splurge on each other, but we were just starting out, and I didn’t think we’d gotten to that level yet.
At the end of the date, Subomi commented on my looks. He said I looked prettier in person and that I fit his spec. I didn’t know if it was a harmless compliment or a flirting comment, but I said “thank you” and kept it moving. We didn’t see each other again for four months.
Curious, Subomi. Were you flirting?
Subomi: More like testing the waters. She looked so hot that day. The thing is, she barely posted pictures, and when she did, they were black and white. I couldn’t really tell what she looked like, and it would’ve been weird to randomly ask for her picture. So, I always assumed she was “just there.” But that cinema date? I was so excited because I finally got to see her.
That compliment was my first step in moving things beyond friendship. She ticked all my boxes physically, and we already got along so well. I wanted more than friendship.
But were you searching before?
Subomi: Not actively. I’d been single for a while and wanted a relationship, but I wasn’t on dating apps or pursuing any talking stages. I’d not seen what I really wanted, but I was patient enough to wait. The moment I saw Damilola, I knew she was the one. I can’t explain, but my heart just knew.
Right. Damilola, did you want him, though?
Damilola: I don’t think we’d be here otherwise.
After that compliment at the cinema, he became more direct with his intentions. We’d spend hours talking and texting not just about movies anymore, but about our families, future plans, and what we wanted in relationships.
Through it all, Subomi realised I was almost push him into the friend zone, and he didn’t want that. To be fair, it wasn’t intentional. It was easy to see him as a friend first. Whenever he started his sweet talk, it felt jarring until I reminded myself that this person actually wanted more.
Fast forward to October 2023, we went on another cinema date. This time, it was clear it wasn’t a platonic one.
Subomi: I asked her to be my girlfriend on October 15, 2023, and she accepted. I remember telling a friend a week before that I planned to ask her out. He encouraged me to go for it because I kept saying we needed more time to build our friendship. I didn’t think five months was enough, but he warned me I might get friend-zoned if I waited too long, so I asked.
Sweet. So what were the early days like?
Subomi: Chaotic. We had to do long-distance almost immediately, and Damilola didn’t like that. I didn’t either, but I didn’t have a choice. I was transferred from our Lagos office to Osun State, and although I started the relocation process immediately, I knew it would take some time.
During those early days, we didn’t really act like a couple. We still did the same things we did as friends — gist about movies, talk about our day, occasional video calls, and move on.
Damilola: I was relieved and frustrated at the same time. On one hand, I was glad the distance meant we didn’t have to get intimate right away. I take a long time to settle into intimacy, and that has caused problems in past relationships. So, Subomi’s absence meant he couldn’t ask for anything sexual yet, and that was a relief.
On the other hand, it didn’t feel like we were a couple. It was like we’d just continued the friendship, but with a new label. Soon, we started having issues. He always wanted me to say sweet, flowery things, but that’s not my style. I could say them in person, but not over texts or calls. He wanted me to end every conversation with “I love you” and often asked for selfies, but I refused.
Subomi: I didn’t feel like her boyfriend. Since we couldn’t be together physically, I thought we could at least maintain emotional closeness. I did all these small romantic things and I expected her to reciprocate. But she always said she’d do them when we were together. Sometimes, I’d ask for regular selfies of her at work or home, and she’d shut me down. It was almost like I’d asked for something inappropriate. It was frustrating, but I channelled that frustration into speeding up my relocation back to Lagos. It finally happened two weeks before December 2023.
Nice. Did things get better?
Damilola: They did. I was excited to finally have my boyfriend, especially with the festive season coming up. I didn’t want to spend Christmas and New Year alone.
The week he returned, it was as if we had suddenly forgotten all our petty fights and arguments. Looking back, I don’t even think those issues were that deep. We were just two lovers who missed each other and got frustrated by distance. Subomi didn’t even need to make a move for intimacy; I reached for him first. It felt natural, and unlike with previous partners, I didn’t overthink it. I spent weekends at his place and stayed with him for the entire Christmas and New Year’s week. Interestingly, I think our honeymoon phase only began months after we started dating.
Subomi: Spending time together made the earlier months of our relationship feel like child’s play. It was almost as if we’d only just started dating properly. Honestly, I don’t think anyone should do long-distance relationships. One hill I’m willing to die on is that most LDR problems disappear once the couple spends time together.
Suddenly, all my doubts about whether she loved me disappeared. Damilola smothered me with kisses and was super touchy — her head on my chest, her hands in my dreads or on my bum. I realised she wasn’t expressive with words but showed affection physically. She also met my mum and siblings during the New Year, and everyone loved her.
Sadly, just when I thought we’d finally found our rhythm, something happened and it almost toppled our relationship.
What happened?
Damilola: A bedwetting incident that Subomi didn’t handle well. I’d spent the weekend at his place, and I don’t know if I drank too much the night before or my body reacted to a blood pressure medication, but I woke up in horror at midnight and shook Subomi awake. At first, he thought it was him until I told him it was me. I felt beyond embarrassed. My mind was racing, but Subomi stayed calm. He told me to go clean up while he took care of the mess. By the time I came back, he’d changed the sheets and flipped the mattress so we could sleep on the other side till morning. Thankfully, it wasn’t too soaked. He held me close, and I fell asleep in his arms, worried but relieved that he didn’t make it awkward. I was so wrong.
Subomi: I still don’t think I handled it badly, but I can understand how my actions might’ve come across. That morning, I insisted we take the mattress outside to dry, but Damilola said it wasn’t necessary. She wanted to leave it on the balcony, but I worried it wouldn’t get enough sun and might start to smell.
Maybe it was my insistence or my casual mention of a “foul smell,” but she got into a terrible mood afterwards. That night, I also suggested she skip her medication for a day to avoid another incident. She snapped, “What do you mean?” I tried to explain that I wasn’t implying anything, but everything I said just made it worse. I eventually kept quiet. She left my place the next morning and ignored my calls and texts for days.
Curious, Damilola. You mentioned feeling relieved and supported after the accident. What changed?
Damilola: There was a disconnect between his actions and words. He cleaned up and ensured everything was fine, but some of his comments sounded weird. I was dealing with the deepest level of embarrassment. I had a terrible bedwetting episode as a child, and this was the first time it happened in over twenty years.
So, hearing my partner say the room might smell or asking if I’d taken a drug that made me bedwet just hit wrong. I didn’t focus on how kind he’d been that night; I fixated on those comments. I guess I was still too embarrassed to see the good in the situation.
I can imagine. Did you eventually respond?
Subomi: She didn’t. I had to show up at her place the next weekend. Even then, I didn’t bring it up right away. I’d had time to think about everything and how she must’ve felt.
We spent the evening catching up and even went to our favourite amala spot. On our way back, I asked when she was coming over again, and she said she didn’t know. That response made me break my silence. I told her whatever happened was a non-issue and that I was in this with her for the long haul. I even joked that I was ready to wipe her ass and bathe her if it ever came to that.
Damilola: They were sweet words — flattering, even — but not enough to change my mind. I didn’t sleep over again until my doctors changed my medication. Apparently, one of them increased the frequency of my urination. It wasn’t exactly what caused the bedwetting, but they changed it anyway.
It took a month or so of staying home to feel confident that it wouldn’t happen again before I visited him. It’s funny now, but at the time, it was one of the most awkward moments of my life.
Makes sense why you’d feel that way. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Damilola: Subomi doesn’t understand what it means to be embarrassed. I know that sounds like I’m calling him shameless, but that’s not what I mean. When it comes to his family, friends, or anyone he loves, there’s no shame in his playbook. He’ll do whatever needs to be done.
I’m free when I’m around him; I don’t have to worry about being perfect. He embraces my imperfections and never makes me feel bad about them. That’s rare. Sure, he says a few annoying things, but I know his intentions are never bad.
Subomi: My babe brings out the best in me. I’m learning to be more sensitive to people’s feelings and to show up better. It’s one thing to be present for someone; it’s another to make them feel cared for. I used to think actions were enough, but I’ve learnt that kind words matter too. Damilola makes me want to be better for her and for myself.
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How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Subomi: I’d give us a 9.5. We understand each other, and we’re in this for as long as we draw breath.
Damilola: 9. We’ve gotten a lot of things right, and I can only imagine what it’ll be like to spend the rest of our lives together. I’m looking forward to that reality.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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