Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Amara* (27) and Jay* (29) first noticed each other at a Lekki bus stop in early 2023, but they never spoke beyond sharing buses home. That changed in October, when a one-chance bus robbery forced them into each other’s orbit and set the stage for something more.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the night that pushed them into friendship, why months of commuting together slowly turned into love, and how they’ve built a relationship grounded in trust and resilience.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Jay: I started noticing Amara from a distance in March 2023. I’d just resumed a new job at Lekki Phase One. After work, I’d see her at the bus stop, waiting for a bus to the mainland. She always looked really nice and pretty, and in my head, I thought, “This fine babe should have her own ride.” But that was it. We never spoke, even though we took the same bus a few times.
Amara: Funny enough, I never really noticed Jay. I might have seen him once or twice but never registered his face. I was more focused on getting a bus home, hoping there wouldn’t be traffic. That was all.
Well, until October 2023.
What happened?
Amara: We entered a one-chance bus together. It’s one of the scariest days of my life.
Jay: Same. Just talking about it sends shivers down my spine. I’d only heard about one-chance robberies, but I never thought I’d experience one.
It had rained heavily that day, so buses were scarce. Everyone rushed when a white bus heading to Oshodi finally stopped. Amara and I both got in.
At first, everything seemed normal until the conductor pulled the door shut thirty minutes into the trip. Then the guy beside me pulled out a knife and demanded my phone. Simultaneously, another man sitting in the front seat waved what looked like a pistol. They told us to keep quiet and hand over our things. Some people even made transfers. Luckily, they only took my phone.
They drove us around for almost two hours before dropping off passengers randomly. Eventually, they pushed Amara and me out together under a bridge. It was still raining heavily, and everywhere was dark. Thankfully, I recognised the area.
Amara: I remember running to Jay the moment I made sense of my surroundings. Remember how I said my subconscious had taken note of him? Everything made sense in that moment. I suddenly remembered him as the dude I always saw at the bus stop, and I clocked we’d just been robbed together.
Jay: I was scared, but I couldn’t show it. She looked so shaken, and I felt like if I panicked, we’d both lose it. So I kept making random small talk. She didn’t know where we were, but I told her I knew the area and had a family friend close by. I was trying to distract us till we got to the house.
I’m sorry, guys. Curious though, did you feel comfortable going with him, Amara?
Amara: I was terribly shaken, and having help was all that mattered at that moment. It was super dark and raining, and I had no idea where I was. I knew I was safer with him than the random guys on the road, who were probably petty thieves looking to strike.
Jay: By the time we got to my family friend’s house, we were soaked through. They gave us dry clothes and food, but neither of us had an appetite. Amara was still in shock.
Amara: I don’t think I slept that night. Every little noise jolted me up. I was also thinking about my family. I knew my mum would be worried sick. That was when it occurred to me that I could call from another phone. Actually, remembering to call my mum was what prompted us to block our lines and bank apps. It was like we suddenly started coming to our senses.
Sounds tough. How did things progress after that night?
Amara: Jay made sure I got home safely. I was still shaken, and I kept replaying the scene in my head, but he kept checking on me. I gave him my sister’s phone number, which made communication easier.
Jay: I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Everyone else on that bus scattered, but Amara and I went through the same thing together. I guess that kind of bonded us. So I made a conscious effort to keep in touch. Plus, I wasn’t as shaken and had no relatives worrying too much. I didn’t tell my parents, and I asked my family friends to keep it quiet.
Amara: I didn’t show up to work for about a week, but Jay was still checking on me. At first, I thought it was just trauma-bonding. But the more we spoke, the more I realised we actually got along. We had similar interests, enjoyed the same movies, and were in the same industry. We also discovered we didn’t live too far from each other.
When I returned to work three weeks later, we started planning our commute together. There were also unofficial ice cream and pizza dates on the side.
Hmmm.
Jay: It became a routine. I’d call her in the evening, and if our closing hours matched, we’d meet. We’d gist about everything — our annoying colleagues, Lagos traffic, food spots in Lekki. It didn’t feel forced.
So, is it safe to say you guys transitioned into friendship?
Amara: Yes. By that time, I’d been single for about six months. I honestly wasn’t thinking about dating anyone. I just wanted to be alone. But somewhere along the line, I realised this friendship with Jay was different. Even if I told myself I wasn’t interested in dating yet, I knew that we were heading somewhere. Still, I wasn’t going to make the first move. So, I carried on and pretended like I didn’t notice some of the romantic-leaning things he’d do.
Jay: For me, it wasn’t difficult. I’d already noticed how pretty she was long before we even spoke. Once we started spending real time together, it became even easier to fall for her. But I held myself back a little.
Why did you hesitate?
Jay: Honestly, it was money. I wondered, “How will this fine babe take me seriously when we’re both still hustling, jumping buses and trekking?” I didn’t want to ask her out and come across as unserious. So even though I liked her, I kept it inside for a while.
Amara: Funny thing is, I didn’t care about all that. What mattered to me was his care and consistency. Jay showed up. Whether it was work, gist, or ensuring I got home safe, he was always there. That was what really attracted me to him.
I see. So, when did things change?
Jay: We stayed friends for about five months before I finally spoke up. During that period, I kept paying attention. Even though I worried about not being where I wanted to be financially, Amara showed me it wasn’t an issue for her. She’d suggest we walk short distances instead of taking bikes or BRTs when we could have ordered rides. It wasn’t like she didn’t want good things; she just wasn’t placing that burden on me. It made me realise the things holding me back were in my own head.
I asked her out in April 2024. I was nervous because I didn’t want to lose what we already had, but I got a yes.
Amara: I knew it was coming. Jay had been dropping small hints, but hearing him finally say it felt different. I won’t lie; I was scared at first. I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, but I also knew I liked him.
Nice. So what were the early days of your relationship like?
Amara: Honestly, they were sweeter than I expected. I thought things would get awkward once we crossed into dating territory, but it felt like an extension of our friendship. The difference was that now there was more intentionality. We were both learning each other’s quirks — like how I’m always impatient; Jay is the calm one. He helped me calm down in ways I didn’t even know I needed.
Beyond the small things, I also noticed how much we were growing. We started seriously talking about our finances, future, and what we wanted. That was when the car conversation came up. At first, we thought about pulling money together and buying one car for us both. But later, we realised it didn’t make sense since we weren’t married yet. So now, it’s more of a race; whoever buys first, we both win.
Jay: Those early days taught me how much of a partnership this relationship could be. Amara wasn’t just my girlfriend; she felt like a teammate. I’d always mentioned wanting to get my own car, but it used to sound like wishful thinking. With her, it turned into a real plan. She’d say, “Okay, let’s calculate how much you can save monthly,” and I’d do the same for her.
I won’t lie; the financial side worried me at first because I didn’t want her to think I couldn’t provide for her. But Amara showed me that what mattered most was effort and intention. A car is nice, but she didn’t need me to buy one to prove my love. She just wanted to see that I was moving forward, and in return, she was pushing herself too. That mindset made the early days really beautiful.
Sounds like you’ve both figured it all out. Curious though, since that one-chance incident brought you together, did it ever bring up any issues later in the relationship?
Amara: Yes, sometimes. Even though we laugh about it now, it was traumatic. I couldn’t sit comfortably in a bus for months after without scanning everyone’s face. Even when Jay was with me, I’d get jumpy if someone in the bus suddenly moved. At first, he didn’t really understand why I was that anxious, and I felt like he thought I was overreacting. That caused small arguments.
But over time, he got it and started adjusting. For example, if we had to take a bus, especially at night, he’d make jokes or distract me with conversation so I wouldn’t spiral. Sometimes, he even insisted we take BRT or a safer option when he could see I wasn’t in the right headspace. It helped me feel like he was protecting me, not just dismissing my concerns.
Jay: The tension wasn’t from the fear alone but from how much responsibility I felt. After that night, I sometimes wondered if we’d ever be a thing if I couldn’t come through for her at that point of her need. It made me overprotective sometimes, and she’d accuse me of acting like her bodyguard instead of her boyfriend.
But I think the experience also deepened our trust. We already saw each other at our most vulnerable from the very beginning. There’s no pretending after that.
Neat. What would you say is the best thing about being with each other?
Amara: Jay shows up when it matters. Like, I can’t even state that enough. I think about how we crossed paths and how we wouldn’t exist if he’d simply saved himself after we got off that bus. I mean, he wasn’t under any obligation to help me, but he did. And that’s not a one-off occurrence; he continues to show up for me in this relationship.
I’ve had times when I was sick or stuck at work late, and before I even asked, he was already on his way with food or finding me a safer ride home. He’s a dependable partner.
Jay: I’d say Amara’s optimism. Even when things are tough, she finds a way to laugh or turn it into something lighter. It keeps me going because I tend to overthink. With her, the pressure is almost nonexistent.
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How would you both rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Amara: I’d give us 8.5. I genuinely think that’s a perfect rating for as long as we’re dating. Once marriage enters the picture, a solid 10.
Jay: I’d give us a 9. I just want the money to come quickly so I can spoil this woman as much as I want. She deserves it all.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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