Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Tony* (30) and Esther* (29) met at a Christmas carnival in 2018 and kicked things off with small talk and a quick exchange of numbers before settling into a love story and swearing an oath.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the blood covenant that nearly tore them apart, why Tony almost walked away, and how they’ve built a relationship that feels unshakeable four years later.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Esther: Running into him at a Christmas carnival in my town. This was 2018.
We’d both been in Lagos for years, and it was our first time in the village in a while. Although I went to the carnival with friends, I felt a bit out of place because so much had changed.
Tony caught my eye because he seemed all over the place. He was ordering people around, almost as though he was in charge. A family member who knew him told me he’d also been away for a minute, so I found it interesting that he moved so freely.
Tony: I remember that day. People don’t believe it when I tell them, but I mask my anxiety with action. When I’m in a new environment with lots of unfamiliar faces, my default is to stay busy to avoid awkward silences or loneliness.
In the middle of moving about, I noticed Esther was staring at me. At first, I ignored it, but she kept stealing glances. Later, as I settled down to have a drink, she approached me. I was initially apprehensive, but her warm, reassuring presence put me at ease. We started talking about how much had changed, Lagos struggles, and how we’d never run into each other.
Esther: I remember teasing and asking him if he had met every other members of our community who moved to Lagos.
Seeing as you both hit it off on a good start. How fast did things progress?
Esther: Not so fast. After that party, we didn’t see each other again until the week I left for Lagos. We ran into each other at another New Year carnival, and we exchanged contacts this time. He promised to find me in Lagos, but I didn’t take him seriously.
Not because I didn’t trust him, but mostly because I knew plans rarely went as expected in Lagos. It didn’t help that he stayed on the Island while I lived on the mainland. That alone was enough of a constraint.
Tony: I knew I wanted something serious from our first interaction. She was the perfect description of my ideal woman — petite, extremely light-skinned with moderate boobs and ass. I wasn’t going to let her go easily.
After I got her number, I switched gears into action mode. I knew pretty babes like her always had so many men chasing them, so speed was important. I noticed her talking to two other guys at the Christmas party so I couldn’t waste time.
I called and texted frequently and made sure to visit her the first week we got back to Lagos.
How did that visit go?
Esther: First of all, I was surprised. As straightforward as he was with his interest, a part of me felt he would slow down once we got to Lagos.
But Tony didn’t slow down. If I remember correctly, he visited me four days after we returned, and in my head, I thought, “Does this one not have work?” But it was also sweet to see him back his words with action. The day he visited, we talked about so many things — our shared interests, family, and our relationship history. That was where things got weird because I scared him with some of the things I shared.
Tony: I remember heading home that night trying to unpack what Esther had said. She told me she had avoided dating again because she didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t understand at first, until she went further.
She revealed her ex broke their covenant and was still paying for what he did. He cheated and impregnated someone else, which was against the vow they swore to each other. When I asked about the vow, she was reluctant to explain, but I pressed on.
She eventually mentioned a blood oath.
Wait. What?
Tony: They had sex while she was on her period and vowed never to cheat afterwards. I couldn’t believe what I heard. In my head, I had already checked out. To be honest, I didn’t plan to return after I left her place that day.
Curious, Esther. Were you trying to scare him away and did you think he was going to come back?
Esther: I wasn’t intentionally trying to scare him, even though I suspected that would happen regardless. But I also had to be honest about my past and what he’d have to commit to if he wanted to be serious about me.
Men are weird people. One minute, they swear heaven and earth to you, then they’re completely different in the next. It was important to lay it all out and let him know there’d be consequences if he played with my heart.
I see. But how does the blood oath thing work?
Esther: To be honest, I think it’s more about the intention than the act of period sex. Sex is spiritual. I don’t give my body to just anyone, and if we get to that point, it has to be on my terms.
I didn’t exchange any oaths with the first guy I slept with, but he still had to offer some serious words of affirmation before I gave in. It made that moment feel special.
I truly believe your first sexual experience with anyone should feel like that. You’re not just exchanging bodily fluids; there’s a higher hand at play.
For me, that higher hand is God. If you hurt me, whether we’re in a relationship or not, I will spend night and day praying against you. I’ll fast if necessary, and God has never failed to deal with my enemies. I think that’s what does the trick, not necessarily the blood oath, even though I insist on it.
Sounds scary, still. So I’m guessing Tony stuck around regardless
Tony: I gave her space for a couple of weeks. I wasn’t about to mess around and find out. It didn’t help that I’d heard rumours about how extremely fair and pretty ladies always had some sort of affiliation with the spiritual.
So I went from calling to only texting, then from checking in daily to leaving days in between, until I stopped. If she noticed, she didn’t bring it up.
Esther: I knew I shared a lot, but I also felt that if he acted that way, he might not have sincere intentions for me. So I was ready to let him go.
Tony, you mentioned that you backed off for a while. Did you try to reconnect again?
Tony: Not immediately. We didn’t speak for about six months, even though we both had each other on WhatsApp. I constantly stalked her social media pages to see if she had found someone else, though.
At first, I told myself I was just curious to see the guy who fell into her trap. But the truth is, I just wanted to know if she had moved on. Nothing pointed to that. Esther barely posted pictures of herself, let alone a guy’s. I didn’t know anything, and since we didn’t have mutuals, I couldn’t ask anyone.
Then one day in June 2019, she posted a picture on her WhatsApp status. She still looked pretty AF and I was mad excited. I left her a comment, but she didn’t respond. I kept waiting for her reply, but it never came. I went back the next day and said something like, “nawa for you o.”
Esther: I actually saw his message the first time, but I forgot to respond. I barely post my pictures online, and the few times I do, I get tons of messages. I was irritated at his comment the following day, but I let it slide. I explained that I had too many messages to respond to. I don’t remember the details clearly because it’s been so long, but we picked things up again.
Curious, Tony. Were you hoping for anything serious when you reignited the conversation?
Tony: I won’t even lie, I was. As much as I had my concerns and fears, I realised I didn’t feel a strong pull towards any of the other ladies I met after Esther.
Apart from the fact that they weren’t as pretty and didn’t have her softness, they just weren’t her. When we started talking again, I asked if she was seeing anyone, and she said no. She didn’t even try to be sneaky about it. She told me directly that I was the last person she had any romantic talks with.
I found that impressive because this was about five months later. Esther’s beauty can bag any man, and the fact that she wasn’t frolicking around was impressive. I knew she wanted something serious, and at that point, her request for an oath started to seem less like an issue.
At the end of the day, we weren’t going to a shrine or taking concoctions. We were just two people making a vow to each other. Since I had no intention of hurting her, I had no reason to be scared. I asked her out in August 2019.
Wow. Did you discuss with anyone before you became official?
Tony: There wasn’t any reason to. People only plant doubt, and I’d had enough time to think. I didn’t need anyone to help me decide.
Fair enough. So did you guys take the oath?
Esther: We did. Again, we don’t like to see it entirely as that. We had sex while I was on my period, and while he was inside me, we exchanged words of affirmation and commitment to each other.
Tony: It didn’t seem as scary as I thought. If anything, it was just a super hot and intense moment of raw confessions. At the end of the day, we had — and still have — genuine intentions toward each other. That’s what matters. We’ve been together four years, and marriage is somewhere along the line for us. There are no regrets.
How would you describe the journey so far?
Esther: Beautiful. I think we’re perfect for each other. We get along so well and barely have issues. Tony and I rarely go a day without speaking; even when we disagree, we resolve things quickly.
We’ve also grown a lot since we got together. I know where Tony was when we started dating and how far he’s come. I pray for this man with such intensity that sometimes it shocks even me, and the results are obvious for all to see.
Tony: She’s said it all. I’m eternally grateful for this woman, and I’ve never regretted asking her to be mine. Sometimes, people don’t even realise we aren’t married yet until we say it.
My life has improved in every way. And her prayers? “Intense” is the word. When this woman starts to pray and speak positively into my life, I can only watch in amazement.
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Do you ever think your commitment is driven by a fear of what might happen if either of you decides to back out?
Tony: I don’t think so. We had that conversation once, in the early days, when we were still trying to steady the ship. We agreed that if either of us left, it would be a mutual decision. Not because one hurt the other or crossed a line.
We’ve only had that talk once and we’ve never had a reason to revisit it.
Esther: Like he mentioned earlier, marriage is somewhere along the line. We’re just waiting to sort out our finances and some personal things before we take the next step. We’re in this for the long run.
If you say so. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Esther: Everything. This guy gets me, and I’m glad I waited for him. He’s kind, caring, and never afraid to go after what he wants. I’ve never had to doubt his love, and he treats me like he won a prize. It still feels like a dream, considering my horrible past experiences, but with Tony, I feel like he was made for me.
Tony: My life has improved significantly since I’ve been with Esther. I’m not sure where in the holy book, but I know there’s a passage about treating your woman right if you want to make headway in life. She’s been a blessing.
I only need her to pray for me or speak positively into my life when I’m about to embark on something, and success is guaranteed. Beyond that, she’s pretty, kind to a fault, and she makes the best meals.
Sounds cute. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Tony: I’d say 9, and that’s only because we aren’t married yet.
Esther: I’d also give us a 9.5 Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this man and build a family with him.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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