“Who told you women shouldn’t talk about money, chase big dreams or lead in love and life?” In a recent Twitter space hosted by Zikoko, moderator Matilda Adegboola asked this question to spark a discussion on Nigerian gender norms.
Joined by filmmaker, Jesi Damina and edtech founder, Ruby Ihekweme, the conversation called out several inherited beliefs from family teachings to societal rules that limit the potential of Nigerian women.
Your family can either hype you up or keep you small. It’s one or the other, never in between. Jesi, one of the brilliant minds behind Neptune 3 Studios’ Best Friends in the World, said that growing up in a Christian home, she was never told to dim her light shine. But immediately she stepped into the Nigerian film industry and even university, she saw women playing small so they could seem ladylike, scared to chase big dreams or even appear independent.
Ruby, who founded Digitaley Drive, shared the story of how she was lucky to have a mum who had considerable economic power. Despite knowing a woman like her own mother, she knows many women, especially in the north, who are raised to leave money matters to men. What’s Left of Us hints at this, with Mariam, one of the main characters, begging for a life beyond giving birth.
Then there’s that tired talk that ambition makes women too much for love. Matilda said it’s really in the side eyes and snarky comments, even if nobody says it out loud. Ruby called ambition a gift from God and shouted out Hilda Baci, who is cooking up records and living her truth. Jesi dragged the nonsense question — “What space will you leave for your husband?” It was emphasised during this space that love isn’t a competition. Matilda says everyone should go touch grass and leave Twitter and the breadwinner arguments that pop up every eke market day.
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The truth, as Ruby shared, is that staying quiet about money keeps women underpaid. Jesi says she has seen this in many films where guys dominate financially. Zikoko films like Something Sweet and My Body God’s Temple are important in these times because they tackle essential issues around being a successful woman and finding love while enjoying a thriving sex life. The narrative is often that if you are successful and independent as a woman, no man is going to love you. This is false.
Jesi also mentioned stories that let women see themselves as bold, rather than boxed in. Up north, where norms are more stringent and rigid, films like What’s Left of Us scream for change. Ruby’s edtech initiative bridges that north-south gap, pushing education with the aim of making every woman a boss.
So whoever told you women can’t run their own shows lied. Nigerian women are constantly rewriting narratives, proving that dreams don’t care about gender. You can be a part of this movement, and most certainly, you can run your life as the boss lady you’ve always envisioned.
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