Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Jessica* (22) and Femi* (28) met at the store where she worked in April 2023 and struck up a friendship that blossomed into a romantic relationship. However, after twenty months of bliss together and meeting Femi’s family, he suddenly started acting differently, and one fateful day in December 2024, he stopped communicating completely.
In this story, she shares about their early days together, the pain of being ghosted by the man she loved, and how she is dealing with the aftermath.
Tell me how you guys met.
When I was 19, I was working at a store during my school break in April 2023. I noticed a familiar face, Femi, would come in to buy stuff every week. We struck up a friendly conversation the first two times he came in, and the third time, he asked for my number and we became friends.
How did your friendship blossom into a romantic relationship?
Femi and I just got each other. We talked a lot on the phone, and I found out he was 26 and wrapping up his education as a medical doctor. He visited the store where I worked often, and we would take walks around the estate nearby. He invited me to an art gallery a month later, and we went out for food afterwards. I followed him back to the hostel where he was staying, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I already knew I liked him a lot by then, so I said yes.
That sounds lovely. What were the early days of your relationship like?
It was lovely. We got along well, but we didn’t spend much time together physically before I had to travel back to school in another state the next month. The distance had nothing on us, though. He was very intentional and made sure we kept in touch with texts and phone calls. We had a perfect balance of our friendship and romance.
So when did the cracks in your relationship start to appear?
In November 2024, I travelled home to attend his induction ceremony and after-party. There, he introduced me to his family for the first time, and that’s where our issues began.
For context, I’m Igbo and he’s Yoruba. When I met his family, they were surprised by my ethnicity, but stayed polite the entire time. However, afterwards, I noticed that Femi’s attitude towards me completely changed. He became short-tempered and distant, and for the first time in our relationship, we were having serious arguments over little things like replying to messages late. I began to suspect that he was trying to use bad behaviour to force me to break up with him because his family didn’t want to accept my Igbo heritage.
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Did you bring up this worry with him?
Yes I did but he dismissed it and said I was overthinking things. So I tried to settle many of our fights because I really liked him and I wanted us to work out. However, he did something I couldn’t overlook in December 2024.
Tell me what happened.
We agreed that I would visit him for a few days in December before I went home to my family to spend the holidays. The first red flag I noticed was that he didn’t text me to check in while I was travelling, which was very unusual for him. The second thing I noticed was that the house didn’t look like he was expecting a visitor, it was as if I came to see him on a random day. When I got to Femi’s place, he immediately said he wanted us to talk.
Femi said he was having emotional issues and didn’t feel like he was in a good place mentally. I got really worried, so I asked if he wanted me to leave early, but he insisted that I stay instead. It was an awful decision. I stayed at his place for three days, and he didn’t say more than ten words to me the entire time. The more I tried to connect with him, the more distant he became. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I got upset and went home.
Did he try to contact you after you left?
No, he didn’t. I left him a few messages, but I didn’t hear anything back. Then, each day after, I would send more messages and try to reach him, but he wouldn’t respond at all.
How did you take this?
I was very worried. He had told me he wasn’t in a good place mentally, and I was afraid he had done something to hurt himself or that he needed help but didn’t know how to ask for it. I didn’t have the numbers of any of his friends or family, so I could only keep texting him and hoping he was okay. This continued till I left the next year to resume school. On a random day back at school, it dawned on me while I was trying to reach out again that this man had ghosted me. I was so hurt.
I’m so sorry about that. What did you do next?
I blocked him everywhere and deleted every chat, photo and video we took together. It was very difficult forme because I had a big exam at school as soon as I resumed. Navigating heartbreak and high stakes exams were not easy at all.
I’m so sorry. What was the hardest part about this experience for you?
It was accepting his silence. I would have preferred it if he had sent a message telling me to never contact him again. Being left on read, not knowing what was going on, was the worst part of the entire situation. It left a mark on my heart.
How has dating been since then?
I haven’t been dating. The lack of any closure with Femi has made it very difficult for me to move on or open up to other people. I have this fear that they’re going to hurt or abandon me one a random Thursday the same way that Femi did. I’ve decided to take my time to heal and recover from this before trying romance again.
Would you get back with Femi if he attempted to reconcile?
No. I would take the closure, but what he did was wicked. I will not give him my heart again.
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