If you haven’t noticed, our last two Twitter spaces and speakers have been intentional about improving women’s sexual experiences. Class is still in session. This time, we’re going beyond what happens with your partner and starting with you.
The space featured Elizabeth Adewale, a Certified Holistic Sex Educator (CHSE) and Dr Zeenaht Abdullahi, an Obstetrician & Gynaecologist, as speakers. While Hannatu Asheolge. Journalist and Co-Convener of the Sarah project was once again our able moderator.
Now that our introductions are in order, here are six more things you should know for a better sex life.
1. Get To Know Your Body: Masturbation, Vagina and Vulva.
Our bodies are the most present and active parts of ourselves when engaging in sexual activity. The mind is also an important factor. But when we’re considering pleasure, it’s best to know what parts of ourselves need engaging. Dr Zeenaht and Elizabeth emphasise the need to know our bodies, especially parts of our sexual and reproductive organs.
They state the defining difference between the vagina and vulva and what to expect from them. The vulva consists of the outer part, which includes the clitoris and comes in different shapes and sizes. The vagina is the inner reproductive organ. When it comes to hygiene, both advise that women wash the vulva and steer clear of the vagina because of its self-cleaning nature.
‘’The most important thing is knowing what normal is, to detect issues. The vagina and vulva are two different things. A normal vagina has no smell at all or could have a mild musty or tangy smell. Sexual exposure, diet and period cycles can also affect the smell of the vagina.’’ – Dr. Zeenaht Abdullahi.
2. Explore Activities Beyond Penetration During Sex
Once we know what and where, it’s important to know how to work with them. When it comes to sex, women often prioritise or limit sexual activity to penetration. While that’s great, Dr Zeenaht and Elizabeth say it’s not necessarily the best way to get a woman where she should be. Our speakers encourage women to explore activities beyond penetration. They specifically encourage clitoral stimulation and oral sex. Foreplay is a good way to get things going.
Dr Zeenaht and Elizabeth also point out tools that can help enhance women’s sexual experiences. They emphasised the use of lubricants and sex toys. Again, not many women orgasm from penetration alone, and what gets most going is engaging the clitoris. If you’re trying to learn what you really enjoy, they recommend engaging in self-pleasure (AKA masturbation). But no pressure, they understand that this might not be everyone’s comfort zone.
We also need to normalise using lubricants. Someone on Twitter recently said only women who have a dry vagina use lubricants, but please, that’s a lie. Research even shows that women who use lubricants are more likely to orgasm.’’- Elizabeth Adewale.
Also Read: Conversations Nigerians Still Won’t Have About Sex and Women’s Rights
3. Look Out For These Common STIs And Problems
A common mistake women make is not looking out for issues in their bodies or ignoring warning signals. Common reproductive health issues that women often misunderstand and overlook include yeast and bacterial infections. These are usually what result in itchy or odorous vaginas.
Common STIs include gonorrhoea, syphilis and chlamydia. These issues have similar symptoms, such as itching, pain during urination and sex. Paying attention to our bodies and looking out for these symptoms and warning signs is important. Especially if we’ve been engaging in unprotected sex. Health is wealth, and if we’re supposed to have healthy sex lives, we need to stay in check.
‘’These STIs can ascend, meaning they can affect organs in the upper reproductive parts, namely the cervix, fallopian tubes and even the uterus. This can cause issues such as infertility, and if you are pregnant, it can affect pregnancies.’’ -Dr. Zeenaht Abdullahi
4. Talk To Your Partners About Sexual Screenings and Contraceptives
Prevention is better than cure. It’s best not to be in situations where we have to treat STIs and reproductive issues than the opposite. Women need to normalise speaking to sexual partners, either committed or casual, about sexual screenings, protection and contraceptives. It’s okay to prioritise your sexual and reproductive health and lead the conversation.
Dr Zeenaht and Elizabeth emphasise that women should not feel uncomfortable using contraceptives and buying condoms. Asking potential partners when they last got tested is also very important. It’s better to take precautions to avoid unwanted consequences, including pregnancy. There’s no shame in being careful.
‘’Safe sex isn’t about protecting your body physically, but also emotionally and mentally. Ask people when they last got tested. And don’t let anybody make you feel bad for asking. Also, make sure you consent and know when you didn’t. ‘’ – Elizabeth Adewale.
5. Love Your Body And Yourself
Sometimes, women aren’t sexually comfortable because we don’t feel good about our bodies. And we don’t always feel good about our bodies because of unrealistic social standards. But let’s be real, not everyone has the money to pay for a BBL. Even if you did, chances are the beauty standards will change in a year or two, and the girls who set the scene will probably be on a different set.
We need to be okay with our bodies and love ourselves for who we are. Giving in to singular beauty standards is unrealistic and unsustainable. We can’t change our bodies whenever something new is in the spotlight. Dr Zeenaht advises women to own their bodies more. Beauty trends are fickle; you are forever. At least for as long as you are alive. People will only appreciate you as much as you do yourself. You set the scene.
‘’I don’t think anyone should be the standard of beauty. Women need to own their bodies more. If there is something you don’t like, change it in a way that works for you.’’ – Dr Zeenaht Abdullahi.
6. It’s Okay To Take Your Time
Sometimes, the problem isn’t that we don’t know how to have or want better sex lives. It might be that we’re just not able to. Maybe there’s a mental block or experience that’s limiting our potential. Or something that we can’t seem to get over, and even this is okay. There is room for everybody here.
Dr Zeenaht and Elizabeth encourage women to take their time. Sometimes, we don’t realise the problem until we’ve talked to someone about it. But it’s important to take our time to build better experiences. Healing takes time, and we need to prioritise patience and compassion in the process. When we do this, we have the opportunity to relearn and unlearn things, not just about sex but even ourselves. We have the opportunity to redefine intimacy, safety and consent.
‘’I’ll also say redefine what intimacy, safety, and consent look like. Take things slow and remove yourself from situations that don’t help you. Be with people who respect your pace, people who don’t coerce or rush you.’’ – Elizabeth Adewale.
Listen to all of what our speakers had to say here. We promise you’ll have a great time.
And while we’re on the topic, join us today, Tuesday, 19th August 2025, for a special question and answer session on sexual and reproductive health. See more details in the flier below!
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