Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Anita* (30) first noticed Helen* (31) on Instagram in 2023, but their first real interaction didn’t happen until a year later, thanks to a shared love for music.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about reconnecting on Bumble, navigating miscommunication and drama from their exes, and why choosing each other still feels like the best decision they’ve made.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Helen: It was in January 2024 when Anita posted a song by Anendlessocean on her Instagram story that caught my attention. I replied saying I’d had the song on repeat. She recommended listening to the full album. That was our first interaction since I accepted her follow request in 2023.
Anita: That’s true. I first noticed Helen sometime in 2023 after seeing her comment on an Instagram post. I can’t even remember what post it was, but something about her stood out, so I followed her.
We didn’t talk for a while after that. We just sort of existed in the same space. Then one day in 2024, she reacted to my stories after I shared something from Anendlessocean. I was pleasantly surprised that we finally spoke, and even more surprised she liked the singer. That’s how we kicked off our interactions.
Right. So what happened next?
Helen: We exchanged texts occasionally, but that was it. I was in a relationship then and barely remembered she existed, except when her stories popped up on IG. She also used to send reels, but I couldn’t really keep up. I liked her and thought we could be friends, but I wasn’t going to push anything, considering I was dating. I guess that’s how things fizzled out between us.
Anita: I liked Helen from the jump and wanted to get to know her. Sending those reels after our first interaction was my subtle way of keeping in touch. We had short conversations occasionally, nothing too deep or overly familiar, mostly surface level. But I later found out she was dating, so I let it go.
How did you find out?
Anita: She was out on her birthday last year, and it looked like she might’ve been on a date. I just assumed she was in a relationship. It made sense why our conversations never really went anywhere. So, after putting two and two together in my head, I stepped back, even if I wasn’t entirely sure.
Curious, Helen. Did you suspect anything at all from Anita? Is that why you kept things at the surface level?
Helen: I definitely did. I liked that she was warm and very sweet in our conversations. I’d even say I was enjoying it. But I knew that if I continued, I’d end up stringing her along and giving off “I’m interested” vibes, even though I was in love with someone else and had no space for side attractions.
I didn’t want to give her the wrong impression, so I didn’t pursue the friendship.
I see. When did the dynamics between you change?
Helen: It took a while, probably a year. Anyway, I was back on the streets in 2025. I joined Bumble, and guess whose profile I bumped into first? Anita. She swiped first, and I swiped after. I found it hilarious when I realised it was her. Like, what are the odds?
Wait. You said you were really into your last relationship. What went wrong?
Helen: My ex japa’d, and after a few months, she said she couldn’t handle being without physical intimacy and wanted to see other people. I’m a one-woman woman and couldn’t stomach the idea of an open relationship, no matter how casual she promised it would be. She’d already started catching feelings for someone else, and in my books, that’s cheating. So I called it off. I knew I deserved better.
About five months after the breakup, my friends encouraged me to put myself out there again, and that’s how Bumble happened.
I guess it was Anita’s luck then.
Anita: Listen, I was happy as fuck. It was just another regular day of checking the app, and there she was. The funny thing is that she didn’t even remember who I was. It wasn’t until I told her we followed each other on IG that she clocked.
We clicked instantly. It was around her birthday, and she was also moving houses, so we spent a lot of time on the phone, talking and getting to know each other. It felt so good because I’d always wanted to know her better. But after a while, it felt like we ran out of things to say, and the connection got lukewarm again.
Helen: I think she’s leaving out how we got to that point. During my birthday week and the stress of moving, we planned to meet in person for the first time. I cleared my weekend schedule, even cancelled a girls’ brunch, because I was keen on finally seeing her.
Unfortunately, her cab guy didn’t show up — she lives on the outskirts of Lagos and always has to plan ahead to get into central Lagos. I was bummed. I’d looked forward to that meet-up, and I felt she would’ve made better arrangements if she really wanted it as much as I did. I got furious. Like, guy, you disappointed me after I cleared my schedule. The least you could do was reassure me and try to reschedule, not kill the idea of meeting entirely. I stopped texting the way we used to for a couple of days. But what made it worse was finding out she was housing an ex. That was my wake-up call to demand better. Anita is reserved and struggles with expressing her emotions, so she couldn’t really explain how the whole thing made her feel.
Anita: I felt terrible for disappointing Helen. I knew she was upset, and I hated that I had caused it. I kept apologising, even when I didn’t know the right words to say — I just wanted her to know I was sorry. She felt like I was being nonchalant, but I was only trying to make sure I showed up the next time we made plans.
But yeah, things changed after that. Our communication dipped, and the vibe just wasn’t the same.
As for my ex, it wasn’t like I randomly decided to house her. We broke up in late 2024, but she later called to say she got a job in Lagos and needed a place to stay. The guy she was squatting with had been sexually assaulting her, and she needed somewhere safe until she found her footing. I agreed. I didn’t realise she had other plans. She probably thought staying together would make us reconnect, but I’d moved on.
How did you move past this?
Anita: I spoke to my ex after Helen expressed her concerns. She eventually moved out, and that helped us focus on each other.
Helen: I let the bailout issue go after venting and explaining how I felt and how I believed she could’ve done better. She took it well, better than I expected, which made me realise how different we are. I’m outspoken and expressive, but Anita’s more reserved. She’s a slow burner. I knew I had to give her more grace.
About her ex, I’m glad she had the difficult conversation. It caused some drama — the ex clearly wanted them back together — but once she moved out, that chapter closed.
But I’m curious. Why did you both feel so strongly at this point? Had you already talked about feelings?
Helen: I liked Anita, but I wasn’t ready to get into anything serious, especially with her ex still in the picture. I was intentional about finding my person and didn’t want to start off with drama.
Anita: After seeing how strongly she reacted to the issue with my ex and the missed meet-up, I became convinced she liked me.
Helen: We finally saw each other again on May 24th. We went on a mini staycation, and that was when she officially asked me out. I said yes.
It’s been more than a month since you started dating. Do you still think it was the right decision?
Helen: I was scared at first, but in a good way. I liked everything about Anita and how she made me feel. Some people would chalk it up to the honeymoon phase, but I’ve had many; this isn’t that. I felt excited, calm, and at home. Sometimes, I questioned if it was real, but only because it felt too good to be true.
We’ve had a few hiccups. Like magic, both our exes started crawling back. I felt jealous when Anita’s ex sent an epistle, reminiscing about their time together. But she reassured me it wasn’t going anywhere. I did the same with mine. I told her and everyone she sent to speak to me that I’d moved on. It sounds easy, but I had doubts. I feared Anita might consider returning, but she never gave me reason to believe that.
Anita: We’ve never gotten tired of each other. Sometimes it still feels too good to be true. But we’ve hit a few bumps that have helped us appreciate our differences and become more intentional. We’re learning and evolving, and it gets better every day.
Speaking of differences, how are you two navigating communication now? Did it cause more issues once you got together?
Anita: Definitely. I think she often felt like I didn’t care enough to open up. But the truth is, I didn’t know how. I’ve always struggled to express my feelings, and that made things difficult.
Helen: I had to ask her to write things down or text me. I needed to know what she was feeling. It became a big issue, but she realised it early and started working on it. We’ve found other ways to communicate. She’s way better now. I told her from the beginning that I’d rub off on her, and I think I have.
Anita: And it’s not just in our relationship. I’m learning to be honest with other people, too. I now tell them how their actions affect me. I used to avoid conflict at all costs, but I’m doing better.
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Love it for you. Have you had a major fight yet?
Anita: Yes. Helen made a joke about my finances, which hit a nerve. I told her how I felt, but I didn’t feel heard. Later that night, we had plans for a date night, but I didn’t show up. I was still upset and just wanted to sleep. I called before bed, and she didn’t mention the date night. I woke up to a text from her about us missing it, but still nothing about the joke. I was determined to address it properly, especially because it was the first day of a new month.
I tried reaching out again, but her replies felt cold. So I gave her space.
Helen: It was a bad joke about her finances, which she’s still insecure about. When I realised she was hurt, I went numb. But she mistook that for me not caring. I actually apologised before we ended that call. She says she didn’t hear it, but I did.
Afterwards, I assumed she needed space. Meanwhile, she was expecting me to initiate a proper conversation. It carried over into the next day, and in the middle of all that, she found out I still followed my ex’s Finsta. That was awkward. We’d followed each other for a while — it didn’t mean anything — but Anita was mad.
We eventually had a conversation. By then, we’d missed each other so much. We knew we couldn’t keep going like that. I apologised properly, and we moved forward.
Fair enough. But Helen, considering Anita struggles to speak up, do you think keeping your distance when she finally does is fair?
Helen: It’s not. And I’ll admit, that wasn’t my finest moment. I wish I had handled it better. I went against everything I stand for; I don’t joke about people’s insecurities, and I felt terrible. I was dealing with guilt and hurt. But I know distance only creates resentment, so I had to change.
Now, I always communicate, even when I’m struggling. That’s helped a lot.
Anita: Through everything, I think we’ve become more aware of our patterns. We’re learning how to handle things better.
Neat. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Anita: How we hold space for ourselves, even during the hard moments. There’s this deep sense of love and safety that makes everything feel easy. Being with Helen feels like home. I’ve never felt this comfortable with anyone. I love how she loves me, how she makes me feel. She’s the calm to my chaos, and I feel truly seen.
Because of her, I’ve learnt patience and gotten better at expressing myself. There’s a kind of growth that only love brings, and we’re both experiencing that.
Helen: It’s how we complement each other. I’m hot, she’s cold, and somehow we’ve made that work. We’re always discovering new ways to show love and care. I’ve also become more patient and more intentional. She’s someone I want to build a life with, and she makes that easy.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1–10?
Anita: A solid 9. There’s so much love, trust and emotional support. It feels like we’re building something real. We’re not perfect, and we still have more to learn, but how we show up for each other, especially during the tough moments, makes me really grateful.
Helen: It’s a 9 for me too, and that’s only because of the distance. The day we finally get to wake up next to each other every morning? That’s the day it becomes a 10.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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