Sex in the bathroom has always been one of those fantasy scenarios people love to talk about. Movies make it look hot, magazines list it as a must-try, and somehow, everyone claims it’s part of their “spice things up” checklist. But in reality? It’s often a mix of slippery floors, awkward angles and a final resignation to an actual bedroom.
We spoke to 10 Nigerians about their experiences and opinions on bathroom sex. Spoiler alert: some people love it, some hate it, and some are still trying to forget the memories.
“It depends on the bathroom” — Farida*, 31
Farida* doesn’t believe Lagos bathrooms were designed with any form of intimacy in mind. They’re simply spaces where you clean your shit up and move on.
“The people hyping bathroom sex clearly don’t live in typical Lagos apartments. Those bathrooms can barely fit one person comfortably, let alone two people trying to be adventurous.
But I’ve had both experiences. My old apartment was a complete disaster; it was cramped, slippery, and awkward. But it was a completely different vibe when I travelled and stayed somewhere with a proper walk-in shower.
My advice? Bathroom sex is only as good as the space you have. If your bathroom is small and the tiles are slippery, please respect yourself. No need to fracture your hip in the name of romance and adventure.”
“How will I tell my family that risky sex sent me to the hospital?” — Kunle*, 49
Kunle* has had his fill of risky and adventurous sex. These days, he’s all about low-effort orgasm.
“I did all the adventurous things in my youth. Bathroom sex? Tried it. Car sex? Done it. These days, bathroom sex now feels like punishment, not pleasure. My knees are not as young as they used to be. If I slip and fall, who will explain to my family that it was risky sex that sent me to the hospital?
Besides, we’ve built the kind of marriage where we can enjoy each other without the need for hyper performance. My advice? Those who can should enjoy it while their joints can still cooperate.”
“As a big guy, it’s not for me” — Seyi*, 35
While the idea of sex in the bathroom has always appealed to Seyi*, his stature and the size of Nigerian bathrooms are the odds stacked against his fantasy. He shares:
“People don’t talk enough about how body size affects your sex options. I’m 6’5, broad-chested and thick all over. In the bedroom? Perfect. In a cramped Nigerian bathroom? It’s almost like punishment.
One time, my ex and I tried shower sex after watching a series that made it look sexy. First of all, my head nearly touched the ceiling. Secondly, I had no space to manoeuvre, and when I tried to lift her for extra points, I almost knocked my head on the water heater. Mind you, I was inside her when this happened, so the abrupt pull out hurt her badly.
We ended up laughing through the whole thing. After that, I told myself the truth: bathroom sex isn’t for everybody, especially not me. I’ll stick to spaces that can handle my size or at least wait till I build my house and install a palatial bathroom.”
“It’s overrated. Water makes everything worse”— Hassan*, 27
Water might not be your enemy, but it’s not a welcome guest while trying to get your groove on in the bathroom. Hassan* knows this too well.
“I’ve had bathroom sex twice, and both times, it felt like a struggle session. People don’t talk enough about how water kills lubrication. Yes, everywhere is wet, but it’s not the type of wet that makes sex enjoyable. My babe and I were slipping, sliding, and by the end, we were both frustrated with the entire thing. I’ll stick to dry land, abeg.”
“We nearly broke the sink; I saw my life flash” — Olamide*, 29
A near-death experience has been the constant reminder that keeps Olamide* away from bathroom sex.
“The first and last time I had bathroom sex was pure madness. It was with an ex, during my ‘hoe’ phase. He carried me to the bathroom sink, thinking he was channelling the dude from ‘50 Shades of Grey”. He didn’t factor in that we live in a mainland apartment with Nigerian plumbing that probably came from the 90s.
As soon as I sat, the sink creaked so loudly, I thought it would detach from the wall. For two seconds, I imagined myself falling backwards, head hitting the floor, blood everywhere, and the landlord suing us for damages.
We stopped immediately, both wide-eyed and imagining a thousand things that could have gone wrong. That was the day I realised not all fantasies are realistic. Bathroom sex? No, please.
“It’s sometimes better when you’re both women” — Zee*, 28
Zee* is team bathroom sex, but she advises installing grab rails and holding on to something every step of the way.
“Sex with women is generally different, and this also includes bathroom sex. There’s less pressure to “perform” with my partners and we do more exploring. You can take your time. And because we’re not dealing with penetration all the time, it’s less awkward with the water situation. That being said, slippery tiles are still slippery tiles. My general advice is to ensure you’re holding on to something just in case you trip.”
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“Hotel bathrooms? That’s where the magic happens” — Ifeanyi*, 33
For Ifeanyi*, he only gets his freaky on in the bathroom whenever he’s lodged in a high-end hotel.
“Listen, bathroom sex at home will humble you. Nigerian bathrooms are so small that two adults can barely breathe in there together. But hotel bathrooms? That’s the promised land.
My babe and I went to a fancy hotel for our anniversary. The bathroom had floor-to-ceiling glass, a rain shower, and anti-slip tiles. That was the first time we had shower sex and didn’t feel like we were forcing sexiness.
Everything about it was intentional — the space, the mirrors, even the water pressure. We weren’t squeezing into a box; we had room to touch, move, and explore. Since then, we reserve bathroom sex strictly for hotel getaways. We respect ourselves at home and leave all our fantasies and experimenting for the bedroom.”
“It’s the risk factor that makes it hot” — Tola*, 24
Most people may shy away from bathroom sex because of the potential health hazard, but not Tola*. The danger gets her juices flowing.
“I won’t lie, part of why I enjoy bathroom sex is the danger. The fact that at any point, someone could slip, fall or walk in makes it feel risky. I’ve always been drawn to chaotic energy, and bathroom sex kinda gives off that vibe.
My current boyfriend is more cautious, so sometimes he resists. But once, during a quick weekend getaway, we ended up pressed against a public bathroom wall, half-dressed, water running and looking out for other visitors. It was messy, intense, and so fun. I’ve slipped before, bumped my elbow, nearly cut my bum, but I think it’s still worth it.
To me, sex shouldn’t always be restricted to the confines of your bedroom. Sometimes, the clumsiness, the noise, the thrill of possible danger? That’s where the real memories are made.”
“At my age, I only do sex that won’t stress me” — Aishat*, 55
Aishat* might have been open to experimenting and doing all sorts of things in the early days of her relationship. Now? She’s all about safe sex that delivers orgasms with zero stress.
“These young people who want to experiment, I did all that in my 20s and 30s — bathroom, car, backyard. Now? Please, I’m getting old and fragile, and I’m not ready to be a subject of “Sex sent me to the ER.”
The last time I attempted bathroom sex, I nearly slipped while trying to balance. My husband just looked at me like, “Are you sure?” We both laughed and carried ourselves to the bedroom like sensible adults.
People think getting older kills your sex life. It doesn’t. It just makes you more realistic. I’ve earned my right to enjoy comfortable sex in bed with clean sheets and soft lighting. No slipping, no awkward angles, no back pain in the morning. That’s my reality now.”
“Shower sex? Love it. Toilet sex? No thanks” — Harry*, 25
Harry* and his partner are team bathroom sex, and their personal favourite is blowjobs under the shower.
“Let me clarify, sex in the bathroom can be hot, but I draw the line at toilet seats and bathroom sinks. Showers though? Chef’s kiss. Something about the steam, the wet bodies, the close space. My boyfriend and I also do this thing where we take turns giving each other oral sex while the shower is running—it’s heavenly, especially when you orgasm right there. Just make sure the water isn’t scalding if you guys want to go the hot water route. I’ve learnt my lessons from that one.”
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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