The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
Mandy and I have been dating for a little over two years. We’ll mark our third anniversary in October.
How did you meet?
We attended the same secondary school but were in different sets, so we didn’t know each other until we met at our school’s alumni reunion in September 2022.
We exchanged numbers and went on a few cinema dates before I asked her to be my girlfriend. I actually asked her twice; she initially said no, but I asked again a few weeks later, and she said yes.
Do you know why she initially said no?
It was my fault. We had gone out to eat at a fast-food place, and the cashier accidentally charged me an extra ₦1k. I say “accidentally”, but I believe it was deliberate. Those guys like to overcharge people, hoping they don’t notice.
I noticed and created a scene because the cashier tried to act unaware. The matter was eventually resolved, but Mandy had found the whole thing embarrassing. I asked her to be my girlfriend later that night, and she said no.
It came out of nowhere. We’d been vibing before that date. I asked to know why, and she said it was because of how I acted. I apologised and things returned to normal. When I asked later, she said yes.
What were your and Mandy’s financial situations like at the time?
I was a freelance writer on Upwork and occasionally worked remotely with an agency in Lagos. My monthly income was usually ₦300k – ₦350k minimum. Things weren’t as bad as they are now, so it was good money. However, you wouldn’t know by looking at me. I was — and still am — very frugal and saved my money.
When we started dating, Mandy didn’t understand my frugal nature. She was a corps member whose only income was what she made from NYSC: ₦33k allawee and ₦15k from her PPA, but she still managed to buy whatever she wanted.
Mandy can use her last ₦2k to satisfy a shawarma craving and damn the consequences. I, on the other hand, can have ₦200k, and rather than satisfy my craving, I’d convince myself I didn’t really want shawarma, so I can save the money. Mandy was confused by this. She’d be like, “Are you allergic to enjoying yourself? What’s the point of making money if you can’t enjoy it once in a while?”
Did you think she might have a point?
I understand where she’s coming from, but the need to save money and spend only on the most important things has become a part of me.
Growing up, my dad was a chronic debtor, and people often chased him down for their money. It was always embarrassing for the family, and I never want to be in that situation. So, I’d rather save too much than spend too much.
Mandy knows this, and she understands me better now. She hardly questions why I don’t like spending money anymore, but we sometimes disagree when she wants us to do things involving money, and I refuse.
Things like what?
Usually dates. Mandy likes going out, and for a while now, she’s been trying to get us to go out. She complains that I was more into dates before we started dating, and now I don’t want to do it anymore.
The truth is, I don’t see the point. Those initial dates were necessary because we were getting to know each other, and I wanted her to be my girlfriend. We’re dating now, and we see each other every day.
She even spends more time in my apartment because she doesn’t have a good relationship with her roommate. So, what is the point of going on dates, then? It feels like a waste of money.
It doesn’t make sense to go under another roof to spend money all in the name of wanting to spend time together on a date.
I guess Mandy disagrees with this thinking
She definitely disagrees, and it often causes friction between us. Whenever she brings up the dates and I refuse, she sulks for a few days and accuses me of taking her for granted. I apologise and make it up to her with food or love notes, and she eventually forgives me.
Interestingly, we hardly quarrel, but when we do, it’s always about money. When she’s not complaining about going on dates, it’s me complaining about her money habits. Mandy has finished NYSC and now earns ₦100k, but she’s always broke by the third week of the month because she believes in enjoying her money.
I’m screaming
My girlfriend can collect her salary today, and suddenly remember she’s craving something or sees something online she thinks would look good on me. I’m always on her neck about saving money, and it sometimes leads to disputes, but she doesn’t listen.
The only time she has listened to my opinion on her finances was when she borrowed money from a loan app last year, and they started disturbing her. I warned her that I’d leave her in an instant if she ever became a regular user of loan apps. She has not borrowed money from them again, to my knowledge.
When she needs extra money, she either turns to her parents or siblings because she knows I’ll give her a lecture on financial discipline if she comes to me. At this point, I’ve just accepted I’m the saver and financial planner in the relationship.
I mean, someone has to be. Does your financial planning include gifts and romance stuff?
Not really. Besides birthday gifts, the most I do is occasionally send her ₦10k, especially when I know she’s really broke. However, I’ve reduced that since 2024 because I no longer earn as much as I used to.
I don’t get as many Upwork gigs as before, so I transitioned from occasional staff to a full-time role at the Lagos agency I mentioned earlier. I still take on freelance gigs if they come, but my only sure income is ₦180k, and that doesn’t leave room to spend anyhow. My safety net won’t build itself.
Speaking of, what does your safety net look like now?
I currently have ₦12m in my savings. It may sound like a lot, but it’s actually not. The goal is to build my own house and still have enough money left over to keep. So, I still have a long way to go.
I’m very sure Mandy doesn’t have a safety net, but she has the liberty to not think too deeply about it. She’s a woman and doesn’t have to worry about having enough money to set up a home. That’s the man’s problem.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
To own as many properties as possible. Mandy and I will probably get married within the next two years, and I often tell her we’ll only do a parlour wedding so we can save money and invest in real estate instead.
I’m sure she thinks I’m joking, but my mind is made up. Real estate is our future; a wedding is just a temporary, unnecessary expense. If she doesn’t eventually agree with that, it’ll be a major deal-breaker for me.
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*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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