If you’re a man, you definitely need to read this. Urgently.

1) Tightening cream

You know that virgin phallus has to be taut. That’s why you need to employ creams that’ll help you return it to its original virgin size so that you’ll not disgrace yourself in your wife’s house.

2) Hot water bath

Do this everyday for 2 months and your rod of navigation will be back to feeling brand new. Tear rubber brigade.

3) Amnesia powder

Blow this on all your sexual partners so they forget any history you guys had. No memory, no case. When you’re done, blow the powder on yourself so you can also forget. Wahla for who no get amnesia.

4) Relocation

Leave the area where you committed the debauchery and start anew. New location, new you.

5) Penis enlargement surgery

If there is a change in size, it means old things have passed way. You are now under a new regime.

6) Penis reduction surgery

Same as above.

7) Prayer and fasting

If all fails, my brothers, go to Shiloh and God will “hill” you.