slander | Zikoko!

The fact that you can no longer remember the pain of being dropped on your head doesn’t mean you might not be living with long term side effects. You’ll know by some of your actions whether or not you were dropped on your head as a child.

Here are a few clear signs.

1. You like drama.

You either start the drama or get drawn to it. Everyone knows you live for some sort of commotion. It’s part of the follow come with being dropped on your head.

2. You like to date questionable people.

Your friends and family have all given up on fixing you and advising you. You enjoy dating people who give you headaches. What others see as red flags, you see as roses.

3. You enjoy making morbid jokes.

Everyone knows you for being notorious for making morbid jokes and not knowing when to read the room. You can read every other thing asides from a room that’s uncomfortable with the jokes you are making.

4. You never practise what you preach.

It’s a little shocking that you even preach. You often go as far as giving good advice, but it’s impossible for you to take your own advice. Everyone comes to go for advice even though they know you have small skoin-skoin.

5. You live your life like you have a spare one at home.

Maybe you have a spare one at home. Who knows? If you could survive something as severe as being dropped on your head as a child, it’s obvious you have many extra lives to play with.

6. You are not as rich as Dangote, but you spend more money than he does.

Oh, in this case, you fell on your head as a child and also as an adult. You are irredeemable.

7. You deliberately voted for Bubu.

Look around you, are you proud of that decision? If your answer is yes, it’s obvious you fell on your head again as an adult.

8. You litter and throw things out of moving vehicles.

You are one inch away from being in the same category with people who fell again as adults. Why are you littering the place? Do you not have home training or manner? Let’s blame your behaviour on that bad fall.
The fact that you are walking around with one life doesn’t mean that other Nigerians don’t have extra lives.

Here are a few examples of Nigerians who clearly have extra lives at home.

1. Bikemen/Okada drivers.

God gave everyone one life and gave bikemen nothing less than 10lives. If you’ve ever been on a bike in Nigeria, we’re sure you know what we are talking about. Okada drivers have more lives than Super Mario.

2. Lafun eaters.

Why are you eating something that lacks taste and personality? Really? Lafun doesn’t know if it’s amala or not and you are letting that into your tummy.

3. The babe that called Bubu a bad boy.

That babe has more lives than everybody in Nigeria combined. She doesn’t only have extra lives, she also has a new body and more liver than all of us together. We don’t know if we want to be like her or if we should be afraid of her.

4. Nigerians who wear camouflage outfits out in Nigeria.

This set of people have extra lives and they actually go out with their extra lives. They obviously do not fear anyone and go home every day to top up their life quota.

5. People who go hiking in Nigeria.

The problems in Nigeria are already long enough. Why do you need to walk many miles to see it from different angles?. Putting your life at risk to view a Nigerian city means you have another life you are not yet using at home.

6. People who go jogging by 5 am.

You obviously have no fears. All you have to do is jog back home to refill your life. Keep it up.

7. Nigerian bus conductors.

This job comes with spare life. God gave us the regular 1-10 lives package but gave bus conductors 20. Smells like ojoro to us.

8. People who argue with bus conductors.

You’ve heard that bus conductors have extra lives, yet you’re still arguing with them? It must mean you too have your own extra lives that you kept somewhere. We are afraid of you.

9. People who eat yam porridge.

If you choke on that porridge you’re eating, what will happen to you? Yes, you guessed right. You’ll probably not die since your extra life is in your pocket.

10. Nigerians who argue with police officers.

See, we don’t need to talk too much about this one. Do you know who Nigerian police officers are? If you argue with them, there’s a secret you’re not telling us.