Love Life: We Were in the Talking Stage for Five Months

March 10, 2022

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.


Bisola*, 23, and Tunde*, 23, have been dating for a year. Today on Love Life, they talk about being in the talking stage while Bisola was in a relationship, being each other’s best friend and why they wouldn’t leave each other for ten million dollars. 

Love Life: Bisola and Tunde

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tunde: The first time we spoke was in August 2016. I asked her for her Snapchat handle on Instagram and she gave it to me. A few days later, she posted a picture of herself where she wasn’t smiling and I sent her a message saying she should smile more because she looks more beautiful when she smiles. 

Bisola: I don’t remember this. My earliest memory is that DM he sent on Twitter in 2020, saying, “Hi, how are you doing?” It sparked a casual conversation. I liked the calmness of it and that he wasn’t trying too hard. 

Tunde: That became a thing for us. Once in a while, I would send her a “Hi” and we would talk for a while. I knew she was in a serious relationship with a guy, who was a photographer. They would take pictures together and post it on social media. One day, she posted a video of her dancing on Snapchat and I replied with, “That waist movement. If not that you were married…” 

Bisola: I pointed out that I was in a relationship not marriage and I was not opposed to meeting him. He asked if he could Facetime me. I told him it wasn’t a good time because I was wearing my bonnet and hadn’t showered. He was like, “It doesn’t matter,” and we got on the call. 

What did you talk about?  

Bisola: I told him the truth about my relationship. My boyfriend and I had been together for two years but he cheated on me every chance he got. My family knew him and they wanted me to marry him so I couldn’t just break things off.  I liked how Tunde handled it when I told him. He didn’t judge me. He just asked me to look out for myself and think about my mental health. A lot of guys would have used the opportunity to say that they would never cheat on me but Tunde didn’t. 

Tunde: We talked about other things too. She told me she liked to cook and she could sing. After a while, we continued the conversation via text.

Bisola: Our conversations became a nice escape from the mess with my boyfriend. We would spend hours talking on Facetime. I looked forward to his messages. In no time, I started to develop feelings for him. In September 2020, he told me he was coming to my city for a weekend and asked if we could go on a date. I told him I couldn’t go on a date while I was in a relationship but we could go on a friendly outing. 

Tunde: LOL. A friendly outing that we kissed on. It was at a restaurant and we couldn’t stop staring at each other. The tension was live. I ended up spending the entire weekend at her place, instead of my Airbnb. 

Love Life: Bisola and Tunde

What about your boyfriend, Bisola?

Bisola: Luckily for me, I caught my boyfriend cheating again shortly after. This time, I broke up with him. I also told my parents about his cheating so no one listened to his pleas for reconciliation. The whole process lasted a few weeks and I gave Tunde updates as things happened. 

How did you feel about it, Tunde?

Tunde: It was about time. After the first call when she told me about him, I knew he was bad for her. I also wanted her to do things at her own pace. I was glad when she told me she had broken up with him. I just wanted to be there for her, however she needed. When everything died down, that’s when I told her I had fallen in love with her. 

Bisola: I knew and I was in love with him too. I liked that he was taking things slow and letting me lead. 

Two weeks later he went on a trip to Norwich. While he was there, his replies were slow and I was worried. I imagined he was with someone else and I didn’t want a repeat of what happened with my ex. I wasn’t ready to get into relationship drama so I sent him a text message saying, “I know you’re busy so when you come back, message me. I’m not here for late replies.” He replied saying he was sorry and he would try to text me more. When he came back from the trip, everything returned to normal and I didn’t ask any questions. We just continued talking. 

How long was the talking stage?

Tunde: Five months. I knew I wanted to date her but I didn’t want to be too forward. I also wanted her to have enough time to grieve the relationship she lost. 

So how did you two start dating? 

Bisola: In January 2021, he came to visit again. This time, he stayed at my house. Halfway through the movie we were watching that night, he paused the movie to recite this really cute poem he had written for me. After reading it, he asked me to be his girlfriend. 

Tunde: It was time for us to be a couple. 

When you two started dating, did the relationship change?

Tunde: Yes, we became even closer. For me, I knew there was no other person in the picture anymore and it was just us. My trips to Leicester became frequent. She is easy to love so our relationship has been smooth so far. We are both able to express our opinions without fear of offending the other person. We also don’t fight. We argue but we always come to an understanding. 

Bisola: Yup. So far, it’s been good vibes. I think because we were friends before we started dating, we got to know each other in a way we wouldn’t have if we just started dating from the jump. We are on the same page on a lot of things so there’s very little we disagree about.

Interesting. Tell me about your biggest fight. 

Bisola: Hmmm so, one year into the relationship, I finally asked him who he went to see in Norwich and it was his ex. I was so hurt. I wondered why didn’t he tell me while he was there. I know we weren’t officially dating but I was giving him hourly updates on my life. I felt betrayed. I was mad about it for two days. 

Tunde, what were you thinking during this time? 

Tunde: I knew I was wrong to have not told her about it but I didn’t want to stress her at the time. I told her this when it came up but she needed time to process everything. It was the worst time for me because I thought I was going to lose her. On the second day, we had a deep conversation about it. I resolved not to hide things from her. 

Bisola: Since then, we haven’t gone to bed angry with each other. 

Cute. What’s the best part of the relationship for both of you? 

Bisola: For me, it’s the friendship that we have. He’s my best friend. When something happens to me — good or bad, he’s the first person that I want to share it with. There’s nothing I can’t tell him. Talking to him has always been easy for me. 

Tunde: The friendship is great but one thing I really love is that I get to learn from her. Unfortunately, I don’t have a high EQ but she does. She teaches me how to communicate better and how to act in certain scenarios. Also, her cooking is impeccable. 

What attracts you to each other?

Tunde: Her smile. When she smiles, it makes me happy. Every single time. Once I see the smile, I am good for the day. 

Bisola: His arms, for me. They are so hot. I love his beard as well. He has been threatening to shave it but he knows I will riot. 

Sweet, so do you have future plans for each other? 

Tunde: Yeah, we’re looking forward to getting married soon. 

How soon? 

Bisola: Soon is relative but soon sha. I just know we are going to do this life thing together. 

What if someone gave you ten million dollars to leave each other? 

Tunde: LMAO. I wouldn’t leave her for any amount of money. What we have is worth way more than ten million dollars and I could make that myself. #TechBro.

Bisola: LOL. I wouldn’t leave either because what we have is so rare and hard to find. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Not even ten million dollars. 

Rate your relationship on a scale of 1 – 10. 

Tunde: 9. It’s been great. She’s amazing and I love her. I choose 9 because there’s always room for improvement.

Bisola: 9 for me too because we’re still growing and I know it can only get better from here. 

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